The Water Spiller Returns...

My blog has moved!

2011-11-21T15:29:00.001-08:00

You can find me at http://canneyland.wordpress.com/. Thanks for stopping by!

So the Gluten-Free Journey Continues...

2010-01-20T15:51:00.000-08:00

Day 20 of the Gluten/Wheat Free Diet

Okay, so I've been managing to do quite well thus far, but I really haven't had much time to expand my horizons in the realm of recipes just yet. I did make some gluten-free muffins from a mix, but I'm believing that there are tastier ones out there - I just haven't found them yet. I love to bake, so I'm hoping that when I'm home with the baby I can incorporate some baking into my daily routine. Giving up bread wasn't a hard thing to do, because I have avoided bread most of the time since the last time I tried to go wheat free. It will be hardest when I bake brown bread for others, because I must admit, I make a pretty good loaf of brown bread...and it tastes so good with molasses...

I confess, I gave in and ate some tomato soup while my husband was away. I know!! How could I??? I guess you could call it "the last supper." You see, I LOVE Campbell's tomato soup...but it has wheat in it. Alas, it was the last can, so indeed, it was my last Campbell's tomato soup supper. *sigh* On the brighter side, I did find some non-contaminated oats at the Health Food Store. I was extremely excited and showed my husband the box this morning with admiration. You see, I love eating oatmeal for breakfast, and I did not want to give it up. Cream of rice just isn't the same. So today I returned to oatmeal, and all is well in Sarah's breakfast land. Now I can make some granola bars...Glory Hallelujah!

Shortly into my new eating regime I had a dream about wanting to eat cake. Those who know me, know I LOVE desserts. There were two types of cakes, a carrot cake (which isn't even my favorite) and a cheesecake (of which I wouldn't be able to eat the crust). In my dream I was trying to justify why I should be able to eat the cakes, but I just couldn't break down and eat them. I was trying to imagine what I would tell my friend Kim - the one who is eating gluten free with me. "But Kim, I just HAD to eat that piece of cake..." I can't remember how my dream ended.

So the eating regime continues. I'm going to be staying in the hospital after the baby is born, and I've never had to stay in a hospital overnight before, but I'm determined to go armed and ready with some good snacks and food (including granola bars).
I think that is key - being prepared in different food situations (such as potlucks). I'm discovering there are many who eat similarly, and they have already sent me some great links to check out. I'll let you know once I've tested and tried some successful recipes!

Gluten Free & Wheat Free for a Year - call me Crazy!

2010-01-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

The Gluten/Wheat Free Journal
(Currently on Day 5, but a story to how it all began)

So recently I haven't been watching my diet as much and it has caught up with me. Shortly before Christmas I had a major attack of the endometriosis - and it wasn't pretty. My abdomen was so sore that the next day I was still feeling it. The last time I had an attack like that I changed my diet radically. I was feeling better, and then I slowly learned how to "get away" with not being quite so strict...that is until recently.

The only educated person on the matter I've been able to find who actually understands my disease is in England. I spoke with her once, and what she said made sense. I would love to go see her in person, but I don't think that will be happening any time soon. Now I am revisiting her book, and I am going to adapt some things. If I have adverse side effects, then I will adapt further. For instance, I will cut out red meat the majority of the time, apart from visiting friends and family (ham & roast). Instead of only eating goat dairy products (which can cost an arm and a leg), I will continue to eat cow's dairy (once again unless there are some adverse side effects). Now for the biggie - the one that is going to be the hardest for me - going gluten and/or wheat free. I will include an excerpt from one of my favorite books about endometriosis in a moment, but first I have to tell you the events that led me to this decision.

While attending the LoveMercy Conference, I ran into a friend from my college years. While chatting she asked me a lot of questions about my diet and endometriosis. She has a daughter with celiac disease and so she knows what it is like to have to modify the diet. After speaking with her, I later said to Ben, "You know, I feel like that I really need to give this nutrition thing a go in the new year. It's like I've tried every thing else in the medical realm, but I really haven't given my body a chance to try and heal through nutrition. Maybe I could ask my friend (whom I'd been talking to about it and will currently remain anonymous) if she could hold me accountable for the next year." I left it at that and pondered it. The next day, my friend - the one whom I had considered to hold me accountable, said that she woke up and the Lord had placed me immediately on her mind. She was thinking about me and my circumstances. She said some other things that I will journal about in my more personal journal, but they were things that I needed to hear. Then she said that she was willing to commit to eating gluten-free with me for the entire year. THE ENTIRE YEAR people!! I couldn't believe it. She said she was in it for the long haul, so I decided that because I had been thinking about it, and since the Lord had placed me so heavily upon her heart without me even mentioning what I was thinking about my diet and nutrition, that I would give it ago. I'm currently on Day 5 and will start to journal about it regularly - especially when I come across some good recipes etc. It's more than just being gluten/wheat free though because there are a lot of things without that which I could eat; however, they're not all healthy for me. For my body to function properly, it needs lots of healthy food. Currently, when it comes to eating healthy, I have NO SELF CONTROL. I'm addicted to chocolate and I love just eating quick meals that don't require a lot of prep time. This way of eating requires no processed foods etc. And so, I've been revisiting a favorite book listed in the next paragraph.

In Dian Shepperson Mills book "Endometriosis: A Key to Healing and Fertility Through Nutrition" she says the following:

" Wheat-free or gluten-free, or both - this is the question. Around 80 percent of women with endometriosis are finding that, by cutting wheat out of their diet, their abdominal pain is reduced or vanquished. In researching this phenomenon, it has been discovered that wheat, having been genetically modified in the early 1970's, has had two hormones added into its genetic sequence. Further research in this area is about to begin at the Endometriosis and Fertility Clinic.
In the spring of this year, eight women with endometriosis gathered together for a television recording. They ate a pleasant lunch, which consisted of gluten-free bread, rice pasta, gram-flour pastries and salad. Yet, overnight, seven out of eight were very ill with abdominal pain - which was so severe in two cases that they passed out. All had been on wheat-free diets and all had remained pain-free for several months beforehand. It was discovered that only the gluten-free bread had contained wheat flour in the form of coeliac flour (wheat with the gluten washed out). This clearly indicates that it was not the gluten that was causing the problem, as all other foods were wheat- and gluten-free, but strong implies that it is some other substance in the wheat that ay be triggering the endometriotic implants to become more implants to become more inflammatory. This substance could be phytic acid, phytoestrogen, xenooestrogens from pesticides (wheat is sprayed between 9 to 12 times as it grows), excess bran or the two hormones in the plant's genes which were not present naturally."

So there you have it. Call me crazy, but I need to see if changing my diet gluten/wheat free and all works. I'm just plain tired of being tired and dealing with pain, digestive issues, and the like. Enough with looking for a "quick fix." Some things just need some time, prayer, and discipline!

Surviving Times Square on New Year's Eve in New York City: 101

2010-01-03T13:21:00.001-08:00

There are some basic tips that I would recommend for surviving what might be your first AND last New Year's Eve in New York City. For those of you who enjoy sitting at home on your comfy couch with potato chips and hot chocolate in hand, might I just say that, indeed, you most likely have better seats than the people in attendance. In fact, that's just it. YOU HAVE SEATS. The people there DON'T. As you will soon find out from reading this post, the entertainment is for the viewer at home, NOT for the viewer who is live and in person.

Tip #1: Go early. We went around 3:00 and had a fairly good standing area, but we didn't get to be near Ryan Seacrest and other major reporters for Dick Clark's New Year's Eve show. We saw some (such as Anderson Cooper) from a distance on the stage. We also didn't get to be near the buildings where the confetti was thrown. That's right - the confetti is literally thrown by people from the nearby buildings. It was reported we made it onto CBS, but not the other shows. I would like to check out the footage to see if our area was at least remotely on television. Which brings me to another important tip...

Tip#2: Wear something that will make you stand out. Everyone will have New Year's hats and glasses. I would have had my lobster hat, but I forgot him at home. I nearly bought another one and really should have. Folks at home will be trying to find you, and if you have something crazy on, the cameras are more likely to love you and you'll be more easily spotted amongst the thousands of people. With something like a crazy hat, there should be no mistaking it is you.

Tip #3: Keep in mind that the entertainment is not for you. Why? I'm not sure really, since you're the one who is standing in the cold and damp for hours on end to see the ball drop. The performers will perform live; however, they will not perform to the crowd, but to the cameras. In fact, you will get to hear them do their sound checks and dances a few times before performing live. If you're lucky, you might see one of them climbing the steps to the stage and acknowledge the crowd as we did with J-Lo's husband Marc Anthony, but apart from that, you have to hope you have a good view of one of the few screens that is showing what is being filmed. That's right - one of the few screens. Only a couple screens show the footage while the others continue to flash their advertisements. Unless you're near Ryan Seacrest, you really won't know much of what is going on. They'll play some music for you in between the sound checks and live performances and try to get you rowled up with balloons, but after awhile, the balloons get old. Instead of waving them, you'll may want to make balloon animals.

Tip#4: Be prepared to stand for hours with no seating room. We stood for 9-10 hours and were exhausted by the end of it which brings me to...

Tip#5: Steer clear of fluids. Once you are herded into a pen of people, you will not get to go to the bathroom for the next 9-10 or however many hours you are there. You can try and find a nearby restaurant, but the odds of you making it back to your friends are slim. There are also long lines into the nearby restaurants. It has been said that some people wear "Depends." We actually saw a water bottle filled with urine that someone (obviously had to be male) peed in. Since I have no desire to wear "Depends" or pee in a bottle, I opted to not drink much for the majority of the day. If you do take fluids, save them for the last hour or so. Now, there is a possibility that had we been able to make it near the "Charmin" area we would have had bathroom access. Charmin sets up a bathroom area and makes it entertaining for people We saw it in the distance, but since we were caged in we could not make it there.

Tip#6: Pack food. We didn't pack food because we were told they wouldn't let us take food into the Square. Our trip was also in some ways a last minute ordeal. We just weren't thinking! Since you will be standing for a long time, you will miss meals and will be very hungry. McDonald's may come around with Big Macs, but they will cost you at least $6.00 for just the burger!

Tip #7: Wear layers. It could be very cold and damp. Umbrellas are not convenient for a large crowd - they block people's view - so pack a poncho if need be. Heat packs would come in handy too in case your feet get cold. We were fortunate that although it was damp, it wasn't as cold as it could have been; however, better to be dressed really warm and have to shed layers than wishing you had more layers to put on.

Tip #8: Go with a group of people who are ready to have fun and meet new people. Standing for so long can make you feel crazy, and thus, you want to be with people who won't complain and who are in it for the long haul. Our group had a blast. In fact, we were the only ones (apart from a few Canadians next to us and some intoxicated people behind us) who were moving a lot to the music. The movement helped keep us warm and helped pass the time. We had a lot of laughs during the process while meeting the people around us. In fact, our group enabled other people to laugh and have a good time as well while standing for so long.

So there you have it. These are just a few of the tips I have from my limited experience. At the beginning of the process I remember thinking, "I can't believe people come out into this madness every year." In the middle of the process I remember thinking, "This is crazy. WE are crazy." At the end of it I remember thinking, "This is so surreal!!" and then, "Well that was anti climatic. I thought there would be more fireworks." After walking away from the experience in the midst of the mayhem of New York City (the streets were literally lined with people trying to leave Time's Square), I remember thinking "That was awesome, but I will NEVER do that again." Then, after Ben and I somewhat recovered we were thinking... "You know what. In another 10 years it might be fun to do that again." I guess we shall see...only if there is a next time, I'll be prepared - snacks, poncho, lobster hat and all! Perhaps you'll want to join us for the madness!

Adoption Update

2009-12-13T15:42:00.000-08:00

Lots going on - substitute teaching and PRIDE (Provincial Adoption/Foster care classes) take up most of my time along with other commitments. Here's the latest update: www.canneyland.wordpress.com There are some crucial things to pray about so please check it out!

For the Love of Teaching

2009-10-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

I love teaching. I love walking into the classroom and having the privilege of shaping young minds. I love knowing that there's power in words and that what I say can make a child's day and encourage a sense of self worth. I love receiving hugs and being followed on the playground. I love working with children, and I feel especially blessed to be receiving at lot of work at a nearby elementary school.

Today I was followed by a little guy who must be after my own heart. He is in grade 2. If any of you know me well, you know I love to make up songs. I could hardly believe my ears today when while strolling out onto the playground he said, "Mrs. Canney, I love making up songs. Would you like to make up some songs with me?"

"Sure," I replied, and so, as we patrolled the playground, we sang about soccer, we sang about the weather, we sang about children. It was great! A little girl in kindergarten joined us and scampered about picking up garbage, and before long, we had a following of different children holding hands and hopping along.

When you love what you're doing for a profession, it really doesn't seem like work. Yes, teaching does have its stresses, and there are times when you're fighting cold and flu because you're with kids all the time, but it's so rewarding. For me, teaching isn't just a profession; it's a passion. It's a part of who I am.

For the love of teaching I am willing to take those early morning phone calls, work with different children in different schools, and try to work my way into another district. At first it was frustrating trying to find an "in," but praise be to God, He is opening doors and enabling me to see that substitute teaching may not be such a bad option for me at this time. I haven't got everything figured out yet, but like everyone else, I'm taking things one day at a time. I am grateful for God's favor and provision, and I feel blessed that He has equipped me with the ability to teach.

Quick Update

2009-09-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

**update on adoption blog: www.canneyland.wordpress.com**

I will be writing about some things pertaining to other things in my life soon, but since the adoption seems to be occupying a lot of my life write now, that's what I'm mostly writing about. I have started substitute teaching again, so that should allow for some fun stories soon. It certainly is great to be back in the classroom!!

Just to Let You Know...

2009-09-10T18:52:00.000-07:00

*I've updated our adoption blog: www.canneyland.wordpress.com

*I'm finished working at Bethany.

*I'm going to Boston to hear Rob Bell this month. Ben and I will be traveling with Mike and Colleen MacNeil and then enjoying the weekend in Boston. Woot! Woot!

*I'm officially a substitute teacher in School District 6.

*I'm grateful for God's blessings in my life.

Hello Uncertainty!

2009-09-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm about to embark into some unfamiliar territory in more ways than one. First, unemployment. I'm hoping I wont' have to rely on this, but considering the numbers for Ben's salary alone just don't add up I need to investigate this should I not get the substitute teaching I had hoped for. However, I hope to prevent this by going to meet some principals after I'm completed at BBC a week from today. That being said, I am embarking into more unfamiliar territory. A new school district...new schools...new people to meet. It's a bit nerve racking. Nothing job wise has really been made available for me to apply for in this district. It's just not a great year for teaching jobs. Therefore I will resort to the 6 AM phone call, and pray that it is for an elementary school. "Oh Lord, PLEASE let it be an elementary school." Seeing as God seems to enjoy having me face my fears, I have visions of me being in middle and high schools. Oh have mercy on us all! Just please let it ben an English class. I could live with that...maybe.

Sometimes it's hard to understand God's timing, but I guess that's how we grow. I mean, I usually think I have everything figured out, and then He goes and stretches my faith even more. I mean, I might have a baby come February, and as it stands, I have no full time work which means no maternity leave. I am on a leave of absence from District 14, mainly as a "safe guard" for myself and Ben for various reasons, but if I can't return there come next year, my "B" contract will be officially gone. I was told that it might help me in this district, but I'm still waiting to see the dividends of that.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Well, I will hopefully be updating this more often with my teaching adventures. Despite the uncertainty, I am excited to return to the classroom - where I belong. I'm even willing to volunteer in the meantime while I wait for some phone calls to help get my foot in the door, but even more so to be around the children.

Well, amidst all of this uncertainty, at least I know that one thing is for certain. God. He has proven Himself to me time and again, and so, though my knees are shaking, I must choose to look at Him and not at the waves around me. *sigh*

Quick Update

2009-08-10T17:45:00.000-07:00

So I've finally taken the time to post an update on the adoption blog (www.canneyland.wordpress.com). I apologize that it's a long one, but I've been holding in some information for a little bit now as I've had to wait for some things to progress. I will post something in my own notes/blog soon with regards to reentering the world of substitute teaching. I am looking forward to it...not the six o'clock phone calls or the butterflies I get in my stomach when teaching a class for the first time or trying to locate a new school...I'm looking forward to the children. Once again, I am going to have to trust in what I can't see. I am going to have to trust that the Lord will provide the work. In all honesty, I could use a week off from any form of work. I could use some time for myself. I'd love to relax, read, and work around the house on things that I just haven't had time for - especially before a baby may arrive come February (see adoption post). It's like you wait and pray for things to happen, and then when the floodgates open it's like you say, "Whoa! Slow down. This is happening so fast." Go figure.

It certainly has been a busy summer. When I'm not at work, I'm making the most of my weekends. The thing I hate the most about working during this particular summer of all summers is that my nieces and nephew are living next door with mom and dad right now and I haven't been around to play with them. I've missed out on so many play dates it's not funny. I could be around to help my family out, and I'm not because I have to go to work. My sister Maridel and her husband Ryan are going to be moving to Nackawic come the end of August, and at least they'll be close enough for me to go visit. Oh how I'm going to miss the little faces of their children waving and calling to me from the house next door! Sheridan has said various times this summer, "I wish you were a teacher."

"I wish I were one too," I reply. "And I'm going to be come this September. Next summer will be different."

Indeed, next summer could be very different.

Adoption Blog Post

2009-07-13T18:05:00.000-07:00

As much as I loved the many suggestions that were given and had plans of going with a much more sentimental title, time and experiences wore me down to Ben's beloved Canney Land. I figured that this would be fitting for after the children came along as well, as it seems our life has been quite the adventure. The web page still has some design and kinks to figure out (i.e. I'd like to find have some fun pics of us, more questions need to be answered, etc. etc. I'm hoping to finish up some aspects of it tomorrow night and refine it some more). Anyways, there is an updated post here:

http://canneyland.wordpress.com/

Humbled

2009-06-07T01:29:00.001-07:00

I just couldn't sleep. I'm still trying to process things.

Last night I went to what I thought was a girl's night out for laughter and playing games. When Mom and I arrived, there were more vehicles than I expected, and when I walked into the house, there were some balloons on the wall. The evening was at Joy Guptill's house, and so I thought that the balloons were either for her (since she and Rod may be moving soon) or that they were left from a luncheon Joy and Colleen MacNeil held Friday that I was unable to attend. After the room full of ladies chatted and shared some laughter, we decided to have our snack for the evening. As I sat down to eat my food, Colleen looked at me and said, "So Sarah do you know why we're really here?"

"Um...no...I thought it was a games night."

Then Colleen proceeded to tell me that the Sunday she spoke with me on the phone after our adoption seminar, she got off the phone and was thinking about how I had said I needed to come up with at least $1200 for a home study. I had told her that I had no idea where this money was going to come from, but that we were just stepping out in faith. It was then that the Lord spoke to her and said, "I'm going to provide that money. Here's what you need to do." He then started to give her names of people to phone to ask to donate $100. Colleen went on to say this was their way of saying that they love Ben and me and they want to support us in this endeavor.

She then handed me an envelope with a card and money inside of it. Of course I immediately started crying and felt so humbled. These people could not receive tax receipts for their generosity, and many of them really could've held on to that $100 because they have their own needs. I know some of these families well, and I know that $100 is a huge sacrifice. What do you say to that? Thanks seems so small and insignificant.

After I shared about how we were led to our current circumstances, I asked Colleen, "How in the world did you phone these people and ask for $100?" I thought about how selfish I can be, and how if the Lord had prompted me to do such a thing for someone if I would be willing to do it. I believe it takes a special person to be so bold at the Lord's prompting for something such as this.

She told me about how her heart was pounding when she phoned the first person, but that they immediately said "yes." In the midst of her phoning, her daughter Laura - whom I might add is graduating this year from high school - even went to the bank and got out $100 to give us.

12 people/families - $1200. As I pondered the event afterwards, I noted that the 12 people/families had been touched by infertility at some point or time. Apart from the Laura and her family and maybe one other family, the others had either adopted, had miscarriages, had been barren for a time, or had children who were struggling with infertility. One family I didn't even know that well, and yet they were willing to give.

As I write this I wondered if I should write their names, but then I thought that perhaps they would want to remain anonymous. I am just so thankful that they were willing to give and be sensitive to what the Lord prompted Colleen to do. So I'm writing to give the Lord praise. It was last week when I started to set up an excel file to keep track of adoption expenses that I created a file that also said, "God's Provision." I remember hearing the Lord say, "You just wait and see how I'm going to provide" and thinking that in time I would be baffled at how the provision would match or even outmatch the expenses. In my own mind I think I have it figured out with praying for a good teaching job, but then I know that often the Lord works around my plans to prove how powerful and awesome He is - so that it's not what I have done but what HE has done. It's His way of increasing my faith and getting the glory. Even if a teaching job were provided - it would be a miracle if you knew what's going on with education in the province right now and how hard it is to work your way into a new school district. Last week $750 had come in - once again from families/individuals who really could've used the money elsewhere. I'm often amazed at how the people who seem to have so little give so much.

Mike Tapper, who with his wife Kristi have adopted from Ukraine and are now adopting from Ethiopia had said to us, "If money is what's holding you back, you just need to step forward and do it. You'll be amazed at how the Lord will provide." I knew He was right, but I also thought that kind of stuff would happen for other people, not us. Yet at the same time, I was believing God would provide. I just can't believe that He would have us go into debt for our children - that we would be strapped financially to grow our family. He's bigger than this. He can heal me if He so chooses, but He can also make a way for us to go to Africa.

I've had money provided for missions trips, and in those times I was humbled and ever so grateful. I was also thankful that tax receipts could be given. This is a whole different experience for me. People are donating to help us have a baby. How do you say "thank-you?" This is the kind of thing that I figured I would read about, but I didn't think it would be me. My head is just spinning as I think about how God has provided already, and I think to myself, "Am I going to be able to handle what's coming?"

I'm just so humbled. I can't stress it enough. I am SO HUMBLED. I just want to kneel my head and give praise to JEHOVAH-JIREH - MY PROVIDER. He deserves ALL glory and praise.

Dreaming...

2009-06-04T16:20:00.001-07:00

So I've been dreaming a lot lately about some things that I had stopped dreaming about - particularly things that relate to children. When you're in my position, you have a tendency to put up certain "safe guards" as a means of protecting yourself from hurt. You learn to let go. A few key moments in my infertility journey of letting go: packing away maternity clothes and putting away things purchased for the baby's room. I knew that I would still be a mom someday, but I couldn't see how or when it would happen, and so, instead of painfully looking at those things, I felt it was best to hide them away so that I could move on with what my life currently was.

With the adoption process progressing slowly but surely, I've actually started dreaming about my baby's room again...Only this time, it's different from what I was dreaming about the first time around. Instead of traditional light blue and yellow quilts, I'm thinking about giraffes, elephants, and zebras. That's a clue as to where we feel the Lord is leading us to adopt from. More details will be posted soon, but let's just say I did a lot of researching agencies, countries, etc. etc. and Ethiopia ended up being the country of choice for us. I've found Ethiopian children's books, music, an Ethiopian alphabet...things to help promote a sense of culture for our baby - I'm having a blast learning about Ethiopia. You know we even sponsor a child in Ethiopia and I'm dreaming about visiting him. When we chose him a few years back I distinctly remember saying to Ben, "Oh he's so cute! It's too bad we'll never get to meet him. It's not like we'll be going to Africa someday."

The other day I was scolding myself for opening up this part of my heart again...for having "fun" thinking about the possibilities. I thought to myself, "Sarah, why are you doing this to yourself? You're only setting yourself up for disappointment again..." Then, during a time of prayer, it was as if the Lord said to me, "Sarah, do you think I would intentionally hurt you?" It's like He was trying to tell me that it was okay to have fun with my "paper pregnancy." Yet I'm still working through my trust issues with the Lord and hoping that I'm not doing all of this stuff because it fits "my will." Time and time again he proves himself. Last week when I asked him, "Is this really where you want us to go? Is this really what you want us to do?" he provided $750 from unexpected sources - people whom he'd spoken to about us. There have been other things, and yet, I still question and doubt. My faith is so weak! It's a constant battle in the mind for me. So I'm trying to dream a little and let go of my fears of something happening to take away my joy.

Trust issues indeed...with a change in career ahead and no job on the horizon as of yet, an upcoming home study in which finances will be looked at, and other things that have been nabbing at my attention over the past few months, I've been stretched in many ways. Yes, you heard correctly - a change in career. I'm going back into teaching. It is a passion that the Lord has given me. I know I was suppose to contribute to the college for this past year, but now it's time to get back into the classroom. If I have to substitute teach I will, but I can't help but hope that the Lord has a full time position for me. After many tears, much prayer, and seeking wise counsel, I knew I had to return to teaching, and I had an immediate peace once the decision was made.

It has been a hard year for me. I've had to work through a great many things, but as cliche as it sounds, the Lord has proved Himself faithful. Some days I am afraid of all the unknowns, and I play the "If _____ then_____" game, but then I have to remind myself that no matter what, the Lord will be there for me. Although it has been painful and there is more waiting ahead, I am grateful, and I will try to continue dreaming in hopes that I can let go of my fears in preparation for a little one that God has for us.

New Post Coming Soon...

2009-05-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged much this year. In some ways it's been a year of "silence" for me as I've sorted through some things. The dawn is breaking though, and I feel as though I will write again. I don't know if I have many readers left out there or not, but if you're still checking up on me, a post is coming soon.

Name Suggestions Welcome

2009-01-12T17:32:00.000-08:00

Ben and I are looking for name suggestions for our web page. I've been given some great ideas already for our adoption web page that I really like, but I'm putting out one more invitation since Ben has posted it on his notes page on facebook. I suspect that my readers will be a little more creative. Ha! Ha! I could be wrong, but from what I've seen for my suggestions posted or e-mailed to me, and ones suggested on his....let's just say the ladies are being more creative - but I open guy suggestions on my page too.

We'll either decide on the ones we like, or post the 4 best ones for a vote - we haven't decided yet.

Thanks to those of you who have given some suggestions already!

Looking Forward to a NEW year...

2009-01-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

Imagine finding out you (or your spouse) were pregnant and then being told that you needed to fill out some paperwork to ensure you were capable of looking after your child. In the paperwork you would have to give a detailed description of your immediate family - their education, their jobs, etc. along with that information for your spouse. You also had to give a detailed account of your education and work related background. Then you had to list why you wanted to have this baby and how long you had been trying to conceive the child. After sending in your paperwork, you were told you needed more things: letters of reference, medical reports for you and your spouse, original birth certificates, original marriage certificate, criminal record check, finger prints..etc. After the paper work was in order, you were told that a social worker would meet with you, and you would be assisted with the pregnancy process. Home visits would be scheduled. Interviews would be set up. How would you feel?

Well, I'm not pregnant, and quite frankly I would never wish that sort of experience on any expecting couple. That would be crazy! Yet every day, there are people who have children who are unable to properly care for them, and every day, there are couples like us, filling out paperwork trying to earn the right to parenthood. Please don't misunderstand me, I am in full support of the paperwork. I don't want them handing out children to creeps! I also understand the right people have when it comes to having children of their own and being given a chance to raise them. As a human being though, I have my moments of frustration. Three a half years of barrenness. My dreams of having children the same age as my siblings' children are slowing being widdled away. I have every right to be bitter, and I very well could be if I sat and thought about it long enough, but instead of choosing the path of bitterness I've chosen the path of acceptance. The Lord has entrusted me with this for a reason. I would not be who I am if I had been given children when I wanted them, and I have come to the conclusion that should He bless me with the ability to get pregnant, I am still supposed to adopt. This paperwork will not be in vain. Somewhere right now there is someone who is going to carry a child for me. She will be brave. She will be strong. She will be self-sacrificing.

I have finally accepted this path. Not that I hadn't before, but I'm ready. I'm ready for the world of paperwork and meetings. I'm ready for the task of trying to figure out how to financially bring this child or these children into our home. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to become a mom. After the move I put a push on to get paperwork done, and then it seemed there was a roadblock in my way, so I threw my hands up in surrender. I talked about adoption, but I had given up hope. I was frustrated and just plain tired. This was accompanied by my unsettledness about my change of career. I was emotional. I was irritable. I wasn't myself.

Then it was as if in the midst of my hopelessness the Lord broke through, and He found me. He sent different people into my life and others who had been there all along to check in with me or give me a word of encouragement. I think I started to get out of my rut when a good friend of mine recently said, "Sarah, the Lord has laid you heavily on my heart." She went on to list the two very things I had been weighed down about - one of which has to do with children. The other I can't mention at this time. I will tell you eventually, but it's not quite ready for the blogging world as of yet. Let's just say I'm excited about it, and as soon as I made the decision, I had an immediate peace. The whole children thing started to work itself out in a matter of a month. I went to see the specialist with Ben, and he was able to finish Ben's doctor referral. He also gave me the number of the place I had been referred to in Halifax. I now have an appointment in February. I must admit, I'm a bit skeptical as I think they're just going to talk to me about reproductive therapies and such, but I'm hoping the specialist can talk to me about my endometriosis more. I've also started seeing a naturopath, and we're trying to figure out what foods trigger reactions in my body. Thursday was red meat day. Sunday is cow's dairy day (Yippee!). A young couple around our age also stopped by to see us, and they had done a lot of research on adoption. Their circumstances are similar to ours. I was so encouraged after their visit, it was like I was driven to just plow through with this thing! Then we sent in Ben's paperwork and the remainder of our paperwork to Social Services. It was neat how it worked out. The worker was e-mailing us about our file the exact day she received our paperwork. She informed us of what else we needed and we got right to work - ordering birth certificates and marriage certificates (they require originals) through vital statistics. On Monday we have to get our finger printing done. I'm currently debating whether or not I should just start a separate blog about the adoption process we're going through. My life has pretty much always been an open book, and for me it has been a way to heal and continue on.

So I'm back. I have a lot to do around the house, and a lot to do in other areas, but I've determined to take it one day at a time. I have a lot of praying and reading to do within the next few months about endometriosis, fertility, and adoption (countries to adopt from and other adoption related things). I have a few countries in mind, but I really want to make sure that Ben and I go with one that we have a peace about. I'm excited about this new year. I was ready for one. Here's hoping 2009 holds a great many things for this Canney couple.

Getting Situated

2008-09-29T17:07:00.000-07:00

I can't think. My mind is constantly going. It seems that I'm still trying to sort through the past few months. It's like I'm still trying to get situated...

IN MY HOME
- Is this really my home? That's what I keep asking myself. It's definitely my furniture, but it's still hard to believe it's my home. Of course, the money that's being taken out of my account every 2 weeks certainly says it's my home. There are still pictures to be put on the walls, draperies to be bought/made, areas to organize...it's just a matter of finding time and having the energy. By the time I get home from work and practice piano, I just want to rest.

IN MY HEALTH
- Since I last wrote I have contacted a nutritionist from London, England, who is the author of the book, "Endometriosis: A Guide to Healing and Fertility Through Nutrition." She has put me on a new eating plan (cutting out wheat, no refined sugars, goat's dairy rather than cow's dairy), vitamin supplements etc. I was doing well until this past week (added stress and unfortunately I like to eat foods that aren't good for me when I'm stressed). I can feel it in my body. I'm tired all of the time when I don't eat right. I have to get back on track. This nutritionist really is amazing and was certainly a God-send. I'm also looking into another option to help with my health. It's been good for me to learn more about my body and how it works even if it is frustrating at times. It's neat to learn about how in some ways the body can heal itself if it's given the right tools to do so! I don't really hope for pregnancy now, I just hope for no pain, and hope for children to come in God's way and in God's timing. That's not to say I never wish to get pregnant, it's just that hoping can hurt sometimes, and I just had to hand it over to God and say, "Here's my body. Do with it as you wish."

IN MY CLOTHES
- Yes you've heard correctly - in my clothes. Since I've started eating better I've been loosing weight. Please don't panic. I've lost 15 pounds, but I now weigh what I did when I got married 5 years ago. Who knew? I figured my weight gain had to do with metabolism slowing down due to age and that the "Brown" hips would continue to grow and expand throughout the course of my life. All along it had to do with too much bread and sugar! HA! I fit into a size 5 skirt, and I could hardly believe it. Now, all of the clothes I bought this past year from having gained more weight (stress!) are too big because I've lost the weight I gained altogether over the last 5 years. It's crazy!

IN MY BLOG
- I'd like to change my picture or get rid of it, but I just can't figure it out. I ran out of patience this evening for fear I wouldn't have time to write afterwards. Help!

IN MY COMMUNITY
- After living in one spot for 5 years you get accustomed to certain places, people, things...Sussex is a lot bigger than Perth-Andover. I like the convenience it has, but I'm still trying to figure out how I can get involved in the community. I'm still trying to get situated. I really miss working with small children, so I'm contemplating volunteering at the public school or tutoring after I get into some form of routine. I need to try and get to know my neighbours too (except for the ones behind me - ha! ha! i.e. Mom and Dad)

IN MY JOB
- I enjoy working at Bethany. I will confess that is an adjustment for the gal who loves teaching. The first few weeks I cried at night and thought I must be crazy. "What am I doing?" I knew what I wanted to do when I finished high school. There was no second guessing myself. With my new position as Admissions Coordinator, I love the learning curve. I love trying to get things organized and discovering ways to make data collection more efficient. I love being able to go home at night and leave my work at the office. I love having my weekends. It is a big change in my life though, and there are a lot of things that I'm trying to work through that I know the Lord wants me to work through. It's complicated. I'll leave it at that. Let's just say that I know I'm supposed to be where I am at this point and time.

IN MY PRAYER LIFE
- This is an area that needs some definite refining more than ever...especially concerning my current life circumstances!

Trying to get situated isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just takes time. I'm just in mourning right now. Indeed. I miss my sister and the kids. I miss my church family. I miss Andover Elementary and the staff. My life here is good. I just need some time to...get situated.

Isn't it Ironic?

2008-05-13T14:41:00.001-07:00

Friday my husband and I were driving home pondering what the doctor had said. We were feeling down. Once again I thought I had it figured out with regards to the next step for my health. I thought that I could have the endometriosis removed even though it would most likely grow back. Instead, my options were: drugs, referral to Halifax in which they'll most likely say "You're great candidates for In Vitro" , or just wait. Just wait. This seems to be a common theme in my life lately. I told him to put my name on the waiting list for Halifax. We're not into in vitro, but we figure it wouldn't hurt to get another opinion. I am going to take some steps with regards to eating habits based on the books I'm reading. This will not be an easy task by any means, but I have to tell myself it could be the difference between health and sickness as my endo does cause me some problems at the most inconvenient times. Pregnancy or not, I do intend on being a mom, and I want to be a healthy one.

The silence in the vehicle was broken by a telephone call. That same day my sister had a doctor's appointment in Fredericton as well - only for something different - for her pregnancy. That same day - the day I was told that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant naturally, she was going into labor. She was having a baby. As we headed for my brother's house where the family was gathering, I couldn't help but marvel at the irony of it all. My sadness was turned into excitement as I set aside my brokenness for her happiness.

Ryan was home sick with the flu, so I got to go to the hospital with Maridel and mom. It really was quite comical- my sister-in-law, mother, and I were more dramatic than my sister who was in the midst of pregnancy! I went to keep my father-in-law company in the waiting room while my mom stayed with my sister in the delivery room. I thought it was going to be all night and that I could pop back in later, but within 15 minutes of me leaving, Tyson Eugene Farrell made an entrance into the world at 7 lbs 1 ounce. As I looked at the beautiful bundle resting with his beaming mother, I couldn't help but praise God. Maridel looked radiant. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes sparkled. After having three lovely daughters she now had a son.

Earlier that day I said something to my specialist. I said something that I knew I had to say because I believe the Lord put him in my pathway for a reason. Tearfully I told him why Ben and I really weren't into drugs or in vitro. I told him about my belief in Christ and about how I believed that if God wanted me pregnant He would allow it to be so, but if not, He must want us to adopt. I then told the specialist about my sister and about my brother who both have children and I said to him, "I wouldn't have it any other way. If it had to be one of us in this position, I'm glad it's me." I'll leave you to imagine his response. Apart from telling some family, I'm still pondering it in my heart.

On the way home, Ben told me that hidden away in one of his drawers is a pregnancy Willow Tree figurine that he bought nearly 3 years ago, and so, for now, tucked away it will remain. Perhaps it will signify me someday, or perhaps it will signify the woman who gives up a child for us to adopt.

Friday, May 9th: My nephew's birthday and the day that I finally let go and realized I may never give birth. Ironic. Don't you think?

Baffled

2008-04-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

Nearly 2 months ago I wrote about how my faith was being tested. For weeks I have struggled with not worrying and trying to put my hope and trust in the Lord and in His will for Ben and myself. Ben and I were pursuing all options. A variety of District Superintendant’s were contacted, we met with our DS, we talked to pastors…doors continually closed, and I kept saying that I felt like we were looking in all of the wrong places. We even made contact with Global Partners, but we still couldn’t put our finger on why it just didn’t “feel right” at this point and time. In the midst of my worries, Ben would continue to say, “I know we’re doing the right thing,” and would pray with me when I fretted with tears. I lost sleep. Daily I had to try and hand my uncertainties over to the Lord.

Then it happened. My brother-in-law, Ryan, who is also Ben’s current boss, had mentioned he was talking with Kathy Shanks from Bethany Bible College a few days prior. She was asking about Ben and his plans. She mentioned that they were revamping the Admissions set-up at the college, and she was wondering if he might be interested. At first Ben thought, “No,” but then he decided that if this was something that might be presenting itself he should prayerfully consider it. This wasn’t to say that it was a complete open door. He decided to phone her. After he got off of the phone, we both thought, “Hmmm…” That entire day the Lord had brought Ben to her mind. Hmmmm….The job for Admissions counselor had been advertised for a year. Hmmmm… People had applied but they couldn’t seem to find the right person for the job. They were hoping for a Bethany grad if at all possible, and they wanted someone with youth ministry experience. Hmmmm…. Apparently, a few people had mentioned Ben’s name to her before he had resigned, but they didn’t believe in just “plucking” someone who was established in a church. Hmmmm… could this be it?

“But why would they want us? We’re just average people.”

Ben decided to talk with Lynn Erskine and Scott Rhyno for some input on the position and the opportunity. Both were candid about their experiences and were helpful in allowing Ben to contemplate the position. Yet Ben hadn’t been offered the position just yet. The Lord wanted us to wait yet again. Someone had been interviewed for the position, and the college was strongly considering that person. Although that person wasn’t a BBC grad, they had a lot to offer the college.

So we waited…and waited…and when we didn’t hear anything about an interview for Ben we figured the door was closed. Ben decided to contact Kathy and discovered that the door still might be open. As it worked out (yet again according to the Lord’s providence I believe) I had a women’s ministry executive meeting at BBC on a Saturday. When Kathy knew I was coming, she asked if Ben could come for an interview. During my women’s executive meeting in which Kathy was at as well, I took the minutes for the meeting on my laptop. Let’s just say that my grade 10 typing class has served me well. Discussion came up about my experience with technology too. (You will see how this fits in a moment.) A few days later Ben was offered the position, and he accepted. Not only were they so kind as to extend the job to him, but they offered me a position as a secretary in the Admission’s Office.

In other words, I would be his secretary!

In the midst of my excitement for his job I was now faced with another dilemma: Do I pursue a teaching job or do I accept this position at the college? I weighed the pros and cons of the situation. I felt confident that I could find a teaching job in Sussex with my résumé, but there were other things I needed to consider. I do love the teaching profession, but I also love the college and the students who attend it. When the thought had occurred to me that Ben might possibly end up at BBC I told the Lord that I would be open to investing in the lives of the young women there. I figured I could do this here and there when I could, but I never dreamed that I could gain an “in” with some of the students by working there. Teaching is a profession that follows me home. I eat, breathe, and sleep it. Some days I work from 8:00-5:00, come home and eat, and then work for another 2-3 hours. On the weekends my mind is also consumed with things that need to be done for school. I thought about my husband traveling 1/3 of the time, and I imagined him coming home from a trip and me with my nose stuck in the books, planning lessons and marking papers. Secretarial work involves less vacation time and less pay, but it is a job that when I leave the office, I leave it there.

I want to go home and take time to cook a decent meal. I want to be able to go for walks with my husband in the evenings without thinking about what it is I have to plan for the next day. I want to enjoy being a part of his life and his job. I will definitely give him his space in the office and allow him to excel in what he does, but I relish in the fact that we’ll have the same hours and that we’ll both get to share in the lives of the students. We’ll both be giving back to a school that we love so very much. Some things are more important than money, and what’s a vacation if you don’t make time for your spouse throughout the entire year? We have good health and my parents have good health. Less stress is key for me right now, and although every job has its stresses, I’m excited about this new opportunity and challenge, as well as about the skills that I will gain in this new role. For the record, I LOVE teaching, and this decision was a tough one, but I know it's what I am to do. I can't fully explain it. I just know.

As I reflect on my life, I can see how the Lord has been preparing me for this role. It’s amazing to see how the pieces are fitting together. A part of me worries about disappointing people who think that I should remain teaching at this time, but then I have to remind myself that I’m not living my life for those people. I’m living my life for the Lord. Not everyone understood why I chose to go to BBC 10 years ago instead of to STU or UNB. Not everyone will understand 10 years later why I am choosing to go to BBC to work instead of the public school system. All I know is I have a peace about my choice. I just know it's what I am to do. God has given me a great marriage, and I want to preserve that. He has given me a heart for the college just as he has given me a heart for working with children. He has also already been giving me some tangible ways of how I can minister not only to the students on campus but to the local schools. I’ve let my job consume me so much over the past few years that I haven’t always made time for people. It’s time for that to change. Does this mean I will never return to the classroom? Not necessarily. It just means that I’m exploring a new opportunity that has presented itself. I believe that every experience I have is God’s way of shaping and molding me into the woman He wants me to be.

I never dreamed that Ben would get to work for Bethany, let alone myself! This was something we weren’t even looking for, and I think that’s what makes it so awesome. This is better than anything I could have imagined at this point in our lives. I am humbled and grateful. I am in awe of the Lord’s goodness. I am completely…baffled.

Should you think of us could you please pray that we will be able to find an affordable home? The market there is “hot” and a potential house we had hoped to look at has sold already. I just had to tell myself that it wasn’t the house God has picked out for us. We don’t want to live beyond our means, but we do want a house that we feel at home in.

Quick and Random Thoughts

2008-04-04T15:00:00.001-07:00

- I tried to change the face of my blog and lost my links. Not cool. Now I need to find them and the time to put them back in. Sadness. To make matters worse, I don't even know if I like this new blog look. Way to go Sarah...

- Ben and I still have no idea where we are going. I'm glad God knows. I hope He lets us know soon.

- I've been reading up on endometriosis. Changing my diet won't be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run.

- Ben and I have a date night tonight. We're going to relax and watch a movie. Sweet. Tomorrow we'll go grocery shopping.

- We'd love to have a dog, but we don't know where we are moving to. I don't know if we'll get one for a while anyways.

- The snowfleas are out and Ben and I have begun our annual snowflea tally to see who can kill the most that we find in our apartment. Sarah: 7 Ben: 4

- We're thinking about adopting from Russia, but I need to make some more phone calls. Ukraine would be nice but they're
making it difficult for people to adopt from there.

- My belly is still sore, but I think I'm doing quite well. I have yet to pick the scab from my belly button. I'm waiting to make sure it's completely healed in there. You're probably getting sick of hearing about it so I'll just let it be.

- I still need to post about aging and conducting my mole experiment.

A New Kind of Normal

2008-03-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

Imagine going in for surgery thinking that when you came out, everything would be taken care of, and you could continue on with your life. You could put it behind you and look at it as yet another milestone in the growth of your journey. Then imagine waking up, thinking that it was taken care of. Now imagine talking with your doctor, and realizing that you had to adjust to a new kind of normal…This is my life.

It seemed so simple. Dr. Cham was going to remove my cyst, flush my tubes, and then maybe, just maybe, Ben and I would have a better chance at conceiving. There were no guarantees, and Dr. Cham wasn’t certain that the cyst was the cause of our infertility, but he did tell us that he would be able to tell us more after he operated.

Eight AM we arrived at the hospital. No one else was in the waiting room of the day surgery area, and yet we waited 15 minutes before they took me in to weigh me, check my blood pressure, and perform other routine procedures. The night before I had awoke to feel a peace about everything, and yet I still had a bit of the jitters about the surgery. I’ve never been put under before with anesthetic. In my obsession to follow all of the instructions they had sent me to prepare for this, I had even dreamed that I had arrived at the hospital subconsciously chewing on one of Ben’s homemade donuts, and when I got there I was spitting it out and in a panic because I wasn't supposed to eat right before surgery!

I was told that my surgery would take place around ten AM but that before that the anesthesiologist would come see me as well as my surgeon Dr. Cham. Ben and I had an hour and a half to kill. After coming out of the washroom in the classic Johnny shirt, housecoat, and blue “elf” felt slippers; Ben looked at me and said, “Hi beautiful.” Ladies, I found the secret: forget about make-up, hair, and jewelry. Go “au natural” with the classic Johnny shirt/housecoat blue elf slipper combo, and you’ll impress your man.

At first Ben decided he was going to play with the bed I was sitting on. He pumped it up, and then down, then up, then tilted…I finally managed to get him to stop after he nearly knocked the glove box off of the wall from pumping the bed too high. Keep in mind we were the only ones in this waiting room area with beds and curtains. He then offered to produce a glove puppet from one of the latex gloves, but I managed to restrain his mischief - although I’m sure it would’ve been comic relief. Instead, we played “I spy with my little eye.” This didn’t last very long because everything in the room was the same: every bed, every station by the beds…identical, which made it a rather boring rendition of “I spy.” Next ,we played rock, paper, scissors. I lost every time. I blame it on my nerves. After we read magazines. 10:00 came and by that time there was another woman going through what I had gone through at 8:00. I figured I wasn’t going to be operated on at 10:00 as no doctor had yet appeared. Did they forget about me? I was tired and hungry, not having been able to eat since the night before. Next thing I knew, Ben had turned the buzzer for nurses into some kind of submarine telescope that was beeping and peering around our corner of the room. Let’s just say that when people ask me about children, and I’m not in the mood to give the more serious/blunt answer about waiting on the Lord’s timing etc. etc., I say the more humorous, “Have you met my husband? Sometimes he’s all the kid that I need.”

Finally the anesthesiologist came and filled me in on the experience. Next came my doctor and surgeon, Dr. Cham. Then it was time. I found myself tearing up once the nurse came to take me away for surgery. I wanted Ben to be with me, but he couldn’t come to the operating room. He walked me so far and then it was a hug, kiss, and exchange of “I love yous.” Next I was shuffling down the hallway behind a nurse, feeling like I was five years old, carrying a pillow under my arm and wondering what the next few minutes would be like.

As the nurse tried to get me positioned on the table, I had to take off my housecoat. Well, we all know how wonderful Johnny shirts are. She put a blanket behind me to try and help me “modestly” get up on the table, but I did say to her, “You know, my mom said that to you doctors and nurses it would be just another bum.” The surrounding people had a little chuckle, and then as I lay down they put a nice warm blanket on top of me. Then an IV was placed in my arm. They talked to me about my job to try and keep me relaxed, and then they told me it was time for me to go to sleep. “Lord, please be with me,” were the last words that trailed in my mind before sleep came.

I woke up to incredibly sore shoulders and stomach. I was half out of it, and somehow the nurse managed to give me two Tylenol 3 pills at once. It’s beyond me how I swallowed them as when I’m fully alert I do well to swallow one pill at a time. Then she asked me if I wanted a Popsicle because it wasn’t good to have the Tylenol on an empty stomach. She listed off a bunch of flavors, and I opted for the classic 3-flavored Popsicle. As I lay there in my half drugged state happily slurping on my Popsicle, I exclaimed to the nurse, “It’s great to be alive!” Then in my mind (at least I think it was in my mind) I said to the Lord, “I love this popsicle. Lord, can I have more popsicles?” To which He happily replied, “Sarah, you can have as many popsicles as you like.” I was delighted and content, and I have no idea how in the world I finished that Popsicle without it getting on me because I was half out of it. When I tried to look around I got dizzy, so I think I drifted off after that. When I came to more of a conscious state I remember wondering when I could see Ben and thinking about how good Tim Horton’s chili would taste because I hadn’t eaten all day.

Finally they said they were taking me out to the room where the waiting began for final recovery. This time it was filled with people who had or were waiting for surgery. Ben was there, and I remember him holding my hand, kissing my forehead, and being so glad to see me. He had been worried when I hadn’t come out of surgery at the time they had predicted.

Dr. Cham arrived shortly thereafter to inform me about the surgery. The good news is that I don’t have ovarian cancer. This is rare in women my age, but he still checked things out inside of me. Then it came.

“I wasn’t able to remove your cyst.”

“You mean I still have my cyst?” I replied.

Dr. Cham couldn’t get to it because of the endometriosis around the cyst. He didn’t want to damage anything and thought it best that we discuss my options.

“The cyst is the least of my worries now,” he answered.

He did say that it was smaller than before, but he just couldn’t get to it. I can’t remember his exact wording, but it sounded like I have quite a tangled mess in there. My endometriosis is not severe (stage 4), but it is moderate (stage 3). Then came the next news:

“I wasn’t able to flush your left tube.”

The left tube is the one with the ovary that has the cyst on it. He was; however, able to flush the right tube. For now, we know I have one good ovary, but the endometriosis is growing around it too, so it makes me wonder if its days are numbered. He said to make an appointment and book an extra half hour because he really wants to fill us in on our options when I’m not drugged up. He has proven himself to be a wise surgeon and someone whom I believe the Lord has brought into our lives for this time.

As the news sunk in, I have to say that I wasn’t completely surprised. I had done some reading about endometriosis, and looking at problems that I’ve had not only with my monthly but also with my bowels, I began to realize that indeed – I am normal! I just have this medical condition that’s been wreaking havoc on my body for the last 10 years. You see, about 10 years ago is when I started to have problems, but instead of getting to the route of the problem, the doctors I had then said, “It’s hormonal changes. We’ll put you on the pill or some other medications.” I was too young and naïve to question and to probe further. It took not being able to have children to get to the route of the problem.

I teared up and thanked Dr. Cham for all that he had done. I told him that I had a peace about everything, and that Ben and I have discussed adoption. This is not to say that I can’t get pregnant. I know of women who have gotten pregnant with endometriosis. It’s just harder to get pregnant. I know of women who eventually have had to have hysterectomies, and those are extreme cases. The bottom line is that now that I know what I have I can educate myself, talk to my doctor, and go from there. I intend on taking the most natural route possible, and if it means completely changing my diet, I’ll do it. I’m not into drugs. I think I would like to have the endometriosis surgically removed even if it can grow back, but then take natural steps to taking care of myself. Knowledge is power. So it’s going to take some research on my part and a lengthy discussion with my doctor to come up with the best solution – along with wisdom from my Heavenly Father!

And so that’s where I am. I still have my cyst, but I know what it’s from: moderate endometriosis. I have one good tube, but knowing that my mother had all three of her children on one good tube gives me hope. I have the peace in knowing that if God wants me to conceive He will allow me too, but also the freedom in continuing on in the adoption process knowing that one way or another, He will enable me to be a mom. I have a ministry. In my openness God has brought people into my life that have been able to relate or who are working through the process of possible infertility. I have been entrusted with this – whether it be for a time or for my life, and you know what? I’m okay. It’s okay if I can’t conceive. You can hope it for me and pray it for me – as I still do so myself, but ultimately the Lord will have His way, and His way will be the best way for me. I have to admit, in my state of sadness in the hospital I apologized to my husband as the reality that fertility was harder to grasp was on my mind, but he wouldn’t have it. He loves me – body issues and all, and he is actually excited about adopting – what a blessing! On the way home, my heart ached. I so desperately want to be a mom. But my journey is not in vain. It’s been given to me to make me stronger.

How could I ever question God? The same God who opened the womb of Sarah in the Old Testament, the same God who parted the red sea, the same God who healed the lame, is the same God who is in my life today. He will not give me more than I can bear.

As for my belly button, I think it’s going to be okay. It has some dry crusty blood in it and is bandaged up, but I think it’s going to make it.

Your prayers and encouragement have been amazing. I have been overwhelmed between posts, e-mails, and phone calls…thank you for being a support. I believe that it was your prayers that gave me the extra strength and grace I needed to accept the reality of my situation. Ben and I are grateful for your love and support. As we adjust to this new kind of normal, we will continue to place our trust in the Lord. I arrived home yesterday to a gift and lovely note from my sister, a beautiful bouquet from my in-laws, phone calls from family, and notes of encouragement on-line. I am writing to you from my bed - laptops are a wonderful invention. I am physically sore but emotionally healthy. I’m hoping that I’ll be up and running next week as I can’t stand laying around too long, but I do know that I need to take it easy these next few days. Ben continues to be an amazing husband and help to me.

For more information on endometriosis, you can check out this site: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/endometriosis/DS00289/DSECTION=1

Quick Update

2008-03-22T17:56:00.001-07:00

- I will be having laproscopic surgery on Tuesday at 8:00 AM. Dr. Cham will be removing a cyst on one of my ovaries providing all goes as planned. The cyst is at least 3 cm by 5 cm. He's hoping to remove it without removing the ovary, but he won't know until the surgery takes place. This is day surgery in Fredericton, and Ben and I would greatly appreciate your prayers.

- We've had a few doors close this week concerning where we'll end up. There's one that is potentially opening and of course rumors of other possibilities. I have to admit that I'm tired of the rumors and false hopes. If anything it is reminding me to stop trying so hard at thinking about where we'll end up and just trust the Lord to bring the right opportunity to us at the right time. I find I can be so impatient sometimes because I like to know what is going on, and then the Lord has to remind me to give up "control" and let Him be Lord in my life.

- I've had a productive few days packing away winter decorations (snowmen etc.) and organizing some other totes for the move. I must admit that the thought of packing up seems overwhelming at times, so I'm trying to break it up and do a little at a time (especially since I work full time until close to the end of June and we'll have to move before Beulah). Of course I'm labeling everything too. Yes, I do like to be organized.

- I've really appreciated some of the chats and encouragement I've received from different friends in person, through e-mails, and over the phone. Whether it's about surgery or about mine and Ben's current circumstances with where we're supposed to be, many of you have been a blessing in our lives.

Humorous Concerns

2008-03-11T14:21:00.000-07:00

I've been paying a lot of attention to my belly button lately. This may sound strange, but I've always liked my belly button. I've never been one to show it off by wearing belly shirts or bikinis. No. My belly button has lived a pretty solitary life. It's a good belly button. A happy belly button. A friendly belly button. Two weeks from today, it will probably be a sore belly button. You see, I have surgery on March 25. Apart from gum surgery and wisdom teeth surgery, I've never had surgery before. I was also awake for those procedures - something of which I am quite proud of. I've never been "put out" for surgery before - that is until two weeks from today. While I am in "dreamland," a probe is going to be placed down through my belly button so that they can see what life is like inside Sarah's pelvic area. War will be declared on a cyst that has been growing silently for quite some time. So I keep wondering...will my belly button be the same again? Or will it become stretched? My husband's belly button is a crevice - a chasm in which lint nestles away from the movement of his shirts. When he wears sweaters, the lint hops off and finds safety in this hollow place. Will my belly button become like that? Will it ever recover? While some women would be worried about the scars from incisions - those of which I will have too, here I am, wondering about my belly button.

So in amidst my worries about surgery, my husband's job search, and where in the world we'll be in 4 months, I'm pondering on my belly button, and thankful that the Lord has given me a sense of humour.

Other humorous health concerns of which I may make notes on:
"The mole:" Can it really be removed with a special kind of vinegar? An experiement you won't want to miss.

"You Know You're Getting Old When...:" 27 may be considered young, but I'm changing with each passing year and noticing the things that come with it.

A Test of My Faith

2008-02-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

I wonder how Sarah felt - when Abraham came to her and told her that the Lord had spoken to him and told him that it was time to leave his native country to go to a place he had never seen before - I wonder what went through her mind. Was she afraid? Did she cry? It was their homeland, so she must have had relatives nearby. Having had no children of her own at the time, she must have had nieces and nephews that she spent time with. Was she worried? After they decided to pack up and leave, I wonder if she ever second guessed herself or the direction Abraham knew he had to take. Scripture doesn’t really tell us how Sarah felt, but I have thought about her a lot these past few weeks in particular. For a few months now Ben and I have been praying specifically about whether or not we were to stay at the Wesleyan church here in Perth-Andover for yet another year. Ben has been restless for quite some time. Last year I thought we were going to resign as Ben was very adamant about it, but then the Lord made it very clear that we were to stay. This year things were different. I’m not saying that we’re necessarily leaving our homeland to go to a place we’ve never seen as was the case with Abraham and Sarah, but I am saying that we could end up anywhere. We’re considering all possibilities – looking into churches further away while hoping churches in our district will open up and at the same time praying about missions and if that is a step we are to take. Ben is looking for something fairly specific. He’s ready to be stretched in other areas of ministry, while all this time he and I are being stretched in our faith.

I’ve done a lot of praying and reflecting. I’ve had my angry fit with God and then realized how foolish it was. I’ve cried. I’ve been anxious. I’ve worried. Time and again God has revealed himself to me. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). I’ve claimed that verse on my knees.

For the past 5 years I have been blessed to live so close to my family. Who would have ever thought that the Lord would enable my husband to work with my brother-in-law? I’ve enjoyed living near my sister and her beautiful girls. I’ve watched my nieces grow. I’ve furthered my education. I’ve found full time work. I’ve made a lot of friends. I’ve matured as a minister’s wife and grown in knowing what it means to serve as one. Now I have no idea what is happening. Everything before was so certain and now it’s so…not. At least when I think logically it’s not. I mean, a logical thinker would say, “Are you out of your mind? Look at the job you have? Look at the financial security you two have there? He shouldn’t resign unless he has another place to go.” And trust me, there are logical thinkers in my life who have either voiced that opinion or whom I know have thought it. Sometimes I look at my husband and say, “Are we crazy? We’re crazy. This is crazy.” He just chuckles at me and reminds me of the Lord’s faithfulness. He has no doubts about the decision. Although I am wrestling with my emotions, I back him 100%. One time while battling out on my knees it was as though God said, “Do you trust me? Do you trust your husband?” As the spiritual leader of my home, Ben is ready to step out into the unknown and trust that the right doors will open, and I am ready to go with him – wherever that may lead us. One time in the midst of my tears Ben offered to “settle” saying, “Well, I could just work somewhere so you could keep your job.” Then how unsettled he would be! “No Ben, you are meant for full time ministry in the church, and I am meant to serve there with you. I would not be happy if you were not working in a church or mission setting.” As much as the spiritual growing pains hurt, I am still praising God as I know I will be refined in my faith – weak as it may be at the moment.

I guess there’s still hope that I might get to continue working around here, but it’s a small hope. The Lord has truly blessed me here, and I just have to trust that wherever He leads, He will bless me there too. As I said to Ben, “Everywhere we go there will be a school. Children need an education. The Lord opened the doors here for me for a reason, and He will do the same elsewhere according to His plan.”

“ ‘My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts’, says the LORD. ‘And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine’” (Isaiah 55:8). How true that verse is! I have no idea what He has in store for us! The Lord has proven himself faithful to me in times past, and I know He will continue to do so in the times to come.

My Poor Neglected Blog...

2008-02-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'll be the first to admit that I've neglected my blogging duties and given in to the the world of quick posts on facebook walls. Alas, after a reminder from a friend, through facebook of course, I thought I'd better update my blog and see if anyone actually still reads it.

This year I am working under full contract for the School District, and I am absolutely loving it! I am a Literacy mentor, which means that I have the privilege of working with small groups of children and assisting them with their reading and writing. I am a K-8 mentor which involves working at a few other schools, but most of the time I am at the elementary school where I taught 5th grade last year. I am so blessed! God has also given me the ability to write an ILF (Innovative Learning Fund)grant which has been accepted. He used my friend Carol Jarvis, whom I work with, to encourage me and work with me in this endeavour. I would tell you all that I will be receiving as a result of it, but that would be boasting in myself. If you really want to know you can ask me, but I really have to direct the praise to God. Let's just say, it involves Smart Boards and some other technology of which I am really excited! It feels good to give back to a school and a District that has been so good to me.

Ben and I have started looking into adoption. This is not to say that we will never be able to conceive children, but with all the tests and such that I am undergoing, it is to say that we see it as a part of a process. Some developments have been made with regards to my health (oh the stories I could tell!), but at this time I feel they are too personal to get into - at least on-line. Should you see me in person and want to know I will gladly share it with you. I have an incredible peace. There is freedom in surrendering what I want for what God wants. The more I share, the more I realize that there are many other women out there like me who are working through the same things. With all the pregnancies I keep hearing about, there is yet another silent woman out there trying to work through the frustration of not being able to conceive. I am still hoping for a child of my own bloodline, but I am excited about the possibility of adoption as well. It will not be an easy process. Just this evening I looked over the sheet with some questions I have to answer about what I would accept in a child (family history, etc.). These are things that most people don't have to think about when they're having biological children of their own. Ben and I are going to tackle this carefully and prayerfully over the weekend.

Ah yes, the weekend. Charisma, my adorable niece, is turning 4 years old and there's going to be a party at her house. She's as hilarious as ever. Sheridan, is now 6, and just the other day her teacher told me that she had 3 boys fighting over who was going to marry her! Aparently there is a 4th one who was home sick!!! LOL! As Sheridan's teacher said, "Sheridan is friends with everyone. She loves everybody." I joked and told her teacher, "You better watch out for those preacher's daughters!" Needless to say, someday I'll be sharing that story at her wedding. Arianna is talking more and is cute as a button. She'll be 2 in March. Finally, baby #4 from my sister is going to arrive in May. Will it be a boy? The odds are against them, but only time will tell. Brent, my brother, and his wife Amanda, have a son named Owen now, and he also is stealing my heart. I have so much love for these kids I can only imagine what it will be like to have a child of my own someday.

Currently I am reading "Eldest" by Christopher Paolini and I am thoroughly enjoying it. When I'm not working or visiting with family/friends, I'm reading this book and watching Jane Austin movies or other chick flicks. It's nice to get wrapped up in someone else's life even if only for a few hours!

I am playing piano more at church and it's wonderful. Ben is coming along in his guitar playing, and I'm so proud of him.

Should this post seem to sappy or happy, it is not to say that my life is a bed of roses. There are some things that I am currently praying through, but because I've been consistently laying things at the Lord's feet, He is giving me joy through my difficult circumstances. I really am a content woman.

"Love of Reading" - My Favorite Commercial

2007-10-25T08:06:00.001-07:00

Back to the Routine...

2007-09-15T07:34:00.001-07:00

To say that Ben and I had the best vacation of our lives in Prague, Czech Republic, is an understatement. We had the time of our lives. My absolute favorite had to have been the Charles Bridge, but I also enjoyed Old Town and the Castle. Photos uploaded soon will help give you some of an idea of how it was, but it really is hard to put into words what a great time we had. The first few days I had blisters on my toes and my legs were severely sore from walking on the uneven cobblestone, but the pain didn't keep me from walking each day. We even met a couple from Toronto, Ontario, and travelled with them outside of Prague for a day to go see the Bone Church in Kutna Hora. Part way through out vacation in Prague, a family from our church - the Sherrards who were also going to Ukraine, arrived and we spent some time with them. It's amazing how you can be in a church for 4 years and not really know someone until you get to share a neat experience with them. We really bonded with that family, and we're grateful that the Lord enabled us to do so.

Odessa, Ukraine was a completely different but equally rewarding experience. Once again, it's hard to put everything into words. I'd just have to say that I wasn't as sad when I said my good-byes, because I know that I'll be going back again someday - whether it be on another short term trip or long term, only the Lord knows, but Ben and I definitely want to go back. Our missions team not only worked at Hope House doing construction, but we connected with the children there, interacted with street kids from First Step, and spent time with the young ladies of Shepherd's home. Our team was challenged in a variety of ways. When I finally post some pictures I will go into more detail and explain some of what we experienced.

Now I am trying to get into a routine with my new job. I don't have my own classroom this year as I am a Literacy teacher. I am definitely just as busy as before, but in a different way. I really enjoy working with small groups of children. This position definitely has its challenges. Not only am I the youngest Literacy teacher on the district, I am the least experienced. I remember looking around the room at the other Literacy teachers on the district and thinking, "Lord? What am I doing here? Remind me how I got this position again?" I figure God has a reason for me being in the position I am in. I absolutely love it thus far, but when I think of the task that is laid out before me, sometimes I feel small and inadequate. I know God will give me the strength to do the work that He has placed me in.

I am currently battling a cold, and I just got over the flu. You can imagine how frustrated I was to have to take a day off of school this early in the year because of the stomach flu, only to return to school to know that discussion in the staff room the day before was, "Maybe she's pregnant." The first two people I saw when I walked to my office that day mentioned it to me in a joking manner. I'm tired of the jokes folks. I know you mean well, but it's been two years, and so, as politely as I can, I tell people that Ben and I have wanted children for two years but it hasn't happened, and so we are trusting the Lord and His timing, but we also have plans to look into adoption. When they say, "Maybe you're thinking about it too much," I want to say, "I wouldn't have to think about it if I wasn't reminded by people who ask me about it, joke to me about it, or try to give me unwanted advice about it," but instead I politely say, "I've made my peace with the Lord." And I have. In the meantime, it's the comments that I continually have to hand over to Him, because I've accepted the possibility that I could be barren. Just last week someone (not from work) said to me, "You need to suck in that belly unless you have a reason to let it hang out like that!" I just said, "No. I'm just fat, that's all." They gave me a side hug as they were teasing me, but was it really necessary? As for my "belly" you'll see pictures of me and wonder what in the world they were taking about. Perhaps it's my open personality that makes me so prone to such things. I really don't know. But I do know that the Lord has a child for me, and if that child be on the other side of the world, He will lead me to that child.

I really am a blessed person. This past summer reminded me of how blessed I truly am. I look forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for me in the days to come.

Summer Happenings.

2007-07-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick update. I haven't been able to keep up with everyone's blogs partly because I've been away and partly because Ben and I don't have internet at home for the summer because we've been away a lot.

Summer has been flying by - I've been to Beulah, Grand Manan, Sussex, and Boston. While at Beulah I had the joy of hearing about my 3 year old niece's dream in which giants were trying to get her, so she called on Jesus and He saved her from them. I love that childlike faith. Baby Owen (my brother and sister-in-law's baby) finally made an appearance and he is so precious! My brother is such an excited daddy and fascinated with his new little blessing. I will be posting pictures soon. Please keep baby Owen in your prayers as he does have to have a brace put on him for at least six weeks due to his hip and legs. A week from today Ben and I will be on a plane to Prague for a weeks vacation and then we'll meet up with our team for Ukraine. It hasn't really sunk in yet that we're going. I'm a little nervous about the flight although I've been on planes many a time before. Should Ben and I cross your minds during the month of August please say a prayer for us. We won't be home until August 26. It's been neat how the Lord has been providing for our trip. Just this week a new couple that moved to our area and is attending our church donated some money for us.

We received our first letter from a child we're sponsering in Africa. It was so exciting! I love writing letters "the old fashioned way." If you knew me and wrote to me during my teenage years you would've received many a decorated envelope.

I've started the final Harry Potter book (finally!) and intend on finishing it before I leave for Prague.

I've been running into a lot of good friends throughout the summer. It's great. Thus far I've been living it up and just being free with life.

I apologize for the short and vague post, but I assure you that once I return from my trip, I'll be able to fill you in on some more happenings.

Gratitude

2007-06-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

I think it's finally settling in. The fact that I've been offered a job as a Literacy Specialist for the District. The fact that it's a "B" contract which guarantees me work every year in this area. The fact that I'll get to work with small groups of elementary students, middle school students, and work with challenging teachers. Yes, the Lord has provided for me. I never dreamed I would be offered this honorable position. I feel inadequate, nervous, and very excited all at once. My heart is filled with gratitude for what the Lord has done in my life in such a short time.

I also have a heart of gratitude for the husband God has provided for me. June 21st marked 4 years for us and due to my job I had to work for 1/2 the day. Then we went to a high school graduation in the afternoon and a staff party in the evening. Now I sit here burning CDs with pictures, video, and other things that I put together for my students with my husband's help. It's funny. Before I worked full time, and even still sometimes, I feel like I'm married to the church. I'm beginning to realize though, that he must feel like he's married to the school. I'm driven to do well with my job just as he is driven to do well with his. This week there have been a lot of things to work on - getting the classroom cleaned, paperwork...and so I've been burning the midnight oil while he has gone to bed. Last week it was just the opposite. He was burning the midnight oil working on stuff for church while I went to bed. It isn't always like this. We do make time for each other, and typically we go to bed at the same time. I am; however, looking forward to summer...Prague is really our anniversary gift and Ukraine, our first missions trip together, will be the icing on the cake. I am so grateful for Ben's love, support, and encouragement. He and I are so fitted for each other.

Finally, I would like to express gratitude for the kinds words people have given me concerning having children. I didn't take time to thank you all before, but please allow me to do so now. Thank you for listening. I think I'm beginning to understand now...why I'm not yet a mom.

And so I sit here with a heart full of gratitude, pondering life and what's happening in it, anxiously awaiting the freedom of summer, and looking forward to what is in store for Ben and me in the Ukraine.

This week...

2007-06-07T16:08:00.000-07:00

This week...

I've been told by a student, "I want out of this "s...hole" as he stormed out of my classroom. Never before has he talked to me this way.

I've been backtalked to.

I've had a student rip up assignments at least once a day.

I've had the same student disobey me, run off down the hallway, slam her desk on the floor, test me, try me...

I've had extra pressure because of Provincial Assessments. Three times my classroom was interupted by adults who should have known better despite a "Provincial Testing. Please do not interupt sign."

I've cried...but not in front of my class.

This week...

I've spent time with God in the mornings before I've gone to work.

I've tried to be more disciplined with my time.

I've chuckled with my nieces at church.

I've spent time with church friends.

I've spent time preparing for our VBS in the warm company of some church family, my sister, and my husband.

I've received unexpected "pick-me-ups" from friends.

I've had some students hug me.

I've been told, "You're the best Mrs. Canney."

I've been encouraged by some of the students' parents.

I've realized the fragility of the students who have tried to test me, and I've realized the urge to pray for the sake of their future.

I've savoured my walks in the school hallways in the stillness of the mornings.

I've laughed with my colleagues.

I've laughed with my class.

The positives outweigh the negatives.

Missions Trip Letter

2007-05-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

Ben and I are sending out support letters informing some family and friends of our trip. Should any of you want to support us whether it be through prayer or financially, I just thought I'd post this on-line. I'll be blogging in a more personal format as the trip approaches.

May 2007

Dear friends,

We hope that this letter finds you and your family well and that you are experiencing God’s blessing on your life.

We are writing to share with you about an exciting opportunity that we have to serve Christ in Odessa, Ukraine. From August 14-25 of this year, we will have the privilege of being a part of a World Hope International mission’s team. Our team will be involved in a variety of ministries that will include working with children who come to the First Step Centre (a centre that helps support street children) and doing construction at Hope House (a place that provides housing for street children.) The ladies on the team will also be taking supplies to teach young girls how to make cards and other things which can provide a small income for them. We will be working with missionaries Kerry and Carole Allison.

We are very excited about this ministry, but we need your help to do it! First of all, we need your prayers. Without prayer nothing spiritual can happen. Secondly, we need to raise close to $6000 to cover the cost for both of us. We have already raised some of the required $6000 through fund-raising and covered some of the necessary expenses needed with our own income. Please ask God if He wants you to give in support of this ministry. Your contribution would be tax deductible and receipts would be issued. Checks should be made to World Hope and sent to: World Hope Canada, PO Box 8115, Station A, Halifax, NS, B3K 5L8 for those wanting Canadian tax receipts. For US donor’s checks should be sent to Horizons Foundation (who have partnered with World Hope in helping the children in Ukraine), P.O. Box 6022, St. Charles, MO 63302. In the memo section of your check write Ukraine Missions Team. A note accompanying your check can identify that it is to apply to Ben and Sarah Canney’s mission trip costs, but this information should not be on the check itself.

Thank you so much for taking time to read this letter. Please know that the money is not as important to us as your prayers are. This will be our first mission’s trip together, and we both believe that the Lord will use it to impact our lives in a significant way. We know that God will provide a way for us to go as he has laid this opon our hearts. It is your prayers and encouragement that will strengthen us in this ministry opportunity.

God Bless,

Ben and Sarah

World Hope’s Commitment to Financial Accountability:
Spending of donated funds is confined to Board approved programs and projects. Contributions designated towards a project or a volunteer missionary’s support will be used as designated, with the understanding that when the need has been met, or cannot be completed for any reason determined by the Board, the remaining contributions will be used by World Hope for other relief efforts where most needed.

Alone with my Laptop

2007-05-15T15:02:00.000-07:00

Somebody must have been praying for me today. As I sat in the midst of a meeting concerning a student who had a major blow out with behaviour last week, I was asked, "Sarah, what are you willing to do concerning this student?" You must understand that after Wednesday of last week, I was struggling with feelings toward this student. I am not at liberty to say everything that happened, but let's just say that I had to lock my classroom door. One thing I can recount is that student snarkily saying, "I hate you Mrs. Canney!" to which I responded, "I love you too!" at this the students found great amusement. I have never been one to hold a grudge, and so as I sat there in today's meeting, the Lord reminded me of my love for this student - one of my own kids who I've invested in this year. I responded to that question,"what are you willing to do...?" with "Whatever it takes." I will do whatever it takes to help this student. I refuse to give up or give in, or say this student is a lost cause. Teaching isn't about me, it's about those kids. Those kids who may get more time with me than with their parents. Those kids who love being at school because it feels safer than home. Those kids who the only hug they may receive that day could be from me. Let's face it. The majority of kids in the system today come from broken families and with that comes a lot of baggage. I know someone was praying for me, because the rest of the day I had an incredible peace. Tuesdays are often hectic for me because I'm on duty, but I was at peace, so I was fine. Tomorrow I have a meeting that will involve administration, the parents and the student. I'm a bit nervous, but I know the Lord will be my strength and my song.

I survived Mother's Day :) I knew I would. I only had one comment about, "Sarah's not on stage. Could that mean she's expecting?" because we had an all men's praise team with the exception of a young lady home from college who led the worship. The comment was a joking one, and I was able to handle it. I managed to hold myself together when all of the mother's stood and I sat. Apart from that I had a woman who was once in my position give me a hug and share some tender words of encouragement. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me. And so I write this not as a "woe is me this is my sob story" but as a praise to the Lord for the work He is doing in me. Some teaching positions have been posted for the fall already, and I am looking into applying for them. I have contemplated getting my Masters, but I really don't know if that's what I'm to do at this time. And so I will pray and wait. My loan will be paid off this week and I have to praise God for his provision and blessing. Weeks like this when I'm overwhelmed with marking that I'm behind on and extra meetings, can be trying, but I know someone is praying for me. I know there are those who pray for me regularly, but God must have really impressed me on someone's mind today. I don't know who, but I can feel it in my heart because of how my day went.

And so I sit here at home alone while my husband is at youth, wishing I could be with him but working away - scanning children's pictures for their fairytale stories that will be published on the computer, lesson planning, marking speeches, contemplating tomorrow's meeting as to what I need to say and just thinking about my life in general - thankful for the prayers of someone who knew that I needed some extra help today to carry me through the week.

The Four M's - Missions Trip, Mother's Day, Me, and May

2007-05-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

Missions Trip - Remember how excited I was about the lay-over in Vienna for our missions trip to Ukraine? "Ben and I are going to visit Rome," I've been telling people in such a delighted voice. Well, today, Ben informed me that the lay-over is now in Warsaw, Poland. LOL. I'm sorry, but what sounds more alluring to you - Vienna or Warsaw? "Yeah, I'm going to Warsaw for a week." I have been looking online though and it looks like there are some pretty sights there; however, it will take me a bit to get over my disappointment!

Mother's Day - Four years ago I thought I'd be a mom by now, but I'm not. So once again I'll remain seated while the mother's proudly stand and receive their carnations. (It's not the carnations I'm disappointed about - LOL) I wonder how many people will joke about me being pregnant this Sunday? If I sound bitter, I'm not...Let's just say that the "When are you going to have children?" "That baby looks good on you." "You guys need a baby." comments are starting to frustrate me. If only people knew...I don't need you to ask me how long we've wanted to have children, to try and relate, or to recommend some book to me. I don't need your sympathy either. I just need some respect and understanding. I'm at peace with God, and I know that HIS timing is everything. Had I been a mom, I would've missed out on my 24 kids at school this year whom I've become very attached to. I also wouldn't be going to the Ukraine, and I know that the Lord wants me there this summer. He has something to show me, to teach me, to shape me. He's working on me right now, making me the person who I need to be, and equipping me with the tools I need for when I do become a mom - because I will be someday.

Me - Life is crazy right now - There's something going on every weekend. One of my colleagues said to me, "Sarah, you have two full-time jobs - your teaching and your role as a pastor's wife." I'm realizing more and more how true that is. I love my husband and my life. I am looking forward to summer vacation, but I do have concerns about my class and how some of them will adjust to middle school next year. Will they become children that I don't recognize? Will they remember the pep talks I've had with them? I hope they realize just how proud I am of them. I'm already thinking about writing them little notes of encouragement for the end of the year.

May - May is a crazy month. I literally have something I have to be at every weekend. I am excited about these events of course, but June is looking like a delightful time to "slow down" (yeah, like that's possible for me!)

Certainties and Uncertainties

2007-04-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

Sitting in a booth at the Big Stop after a long day at work, my husband Ben and I sit facing each other waiting for an order of soup and chicken nachos. He can hardly wait to tell me his exciting news. I wait, bracing myself for what he will say. You see, Ben is a dreamer and a thrill seeker. I, on the other hand, am not. Yes, I can dream, but my dreams are more, shall we say, realistic? As for “thrills,” the type of thrills I derive are from a trip to the mall, a walk to get ice cream, or a day at the beach. The “thrill” type experiences that Ben enjoys involve heights, heights, and heights. I have tried rock wall climbing and have overcome my fear of heights because of Ben. I have yet to repel down a cliff, but he and his friend Tim are bound and determined to get me there.

Ben proceeded to tell me that he is going to become a certified scuba diver thanks to a man who goes to the Baptist church offering him a deal he can't refuse. So my husband is not only going to repel off of cliffs, he’s going to swim under water with the fish. Now his thrills involve heights and depths. I, on the other hand, will continue to be the observer, although I must admit that I think I’ll find the scuba gear more amusing than then the climbing gear.

After his exciting news I preceded to tell him about my uncertainties with a job for the fall. I’ve been fortunate to have a year contract, but with teachers who have better contracts returning from maternity leave and such, it’s hard to know whether or not I’ll have full time work. I love being a teacher. I take great pride in investing myself in children. I’ve become very attached to my group of 24 this year. Like he usually does, Ben just looked at me and loved me saying, “You need to put everything in God’s hands. Look at how He’s provided for us this year.” And God has. Ben’s loan was paid off at the end of 2006. Mine will be paid off in June of this year along with the car. After one year of teaching we will be debt free. That’s something only the Lord could do because He enabled me to receive a job in September after I just received my BEd. So why should I worry about tomorrow? Why should I be so anxious after all He has done for me? He knows what the future holds. He knows whether or not I should have full time work teaching in the Fall, and if not, then He knows that there are students who I need to be in contact with while substitute teaching.

And so, while I learn to wait on the Lord, I’ll enjoy the amusement He sends my way through my 24 (or should I say 25…Ben??) kids.

A Sobering Day

2007-04-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

It was a bitter cold wind. Tired I stood clutching the hand of my husband and wiping back tears as the military soldiers took the casket out of the hearse and lifted it onto their shoulders. Step by step, they gently carried it to its final resting place. As the wind whipped my hair and tousled my skirt, I remember thinking that it wasn’t so bad standing in that wind. I was alive. I am alive. Silence. Nobody said a word. We just stood and watched. From a distance I could see the casket over the crowd of people, and then it was lowered. Amazing grace played by the bagpipes. More silence, but I knew from afar the last words were being said as a soldier was being laid to rest. Taps played on the bugle. Silence. Gun solutes.

I never knew Cpl. Aaron E. Williams personally. I know his mom. She works as a Teacher’s Aid at my school, and she is one of the most delightfully people you could meet. She wore red every Friday – even around St. Patrick’s Day. “I’m supporting my boy,” she said proudly. He was her youngest. Her only son among four children. Cpl. William’s dad is a bus driver for our community schools.

23 years old. Prior to standing outside in the cold I sat through a memorable service for a man whom I would have liked to have met. He was to be married in October to his high school sweetheart. As his parents and fiancé walked by me at the beginning of the service, Cpl. William’s 2 ½ year old blond haired little angel was hanging on to her grampy’s neck. Does she understand? How do you tell a 2 ½ year old girl that daddy isn’t going to be home again? Who’s going to teach her how to ride a bike? Who will protect her from those sneaky teenage boys? Who will give her away when she is to be married?

My trials seem so small when I think about that 2 ½ year old little girl. I still have my dad, my mom, my whole family. I know I will wonder about her for the rest of my life, and in turn remember her father, the man whom she could’ve known, but didn’t get to know.

He didn’t have to go to Afghanistan. He volunteered to go. I am thankful for him and the others who have given their lives to fight for freedom and a better world. As I sit in my warm cushy apartment praying for a better world, men and women are out there risking their lives trying to make it a better one.

I was reminded today that life is short. Live each day to the fullest.

Teacher Anxiety Dreams and My New Student

2007-04-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

Well, last night I had what I refer to as "Teacher Anxiety Dreams." In my first dream, my new student showed up at school as a grown man, taller than me, and I was standing there wondering, "How in the world am I going to handle this one?" In my second dream, my new student came in and he wanted to teach the class. I let him do so and things got out of hand, so I had to try and regain control of the class to which he replied, "This is going to be booooooooooring."

I walked into my class today to find a short 9 year old boy with glasses, and I immediately knew that my anxiety dreams were (as usual) just that - foolish worry over nothing. He is highly intelligent as they told me, and he is as cute as a button. Despite his immaturity during class (not staying on task while working independently in math - stretching and the like, and trying to keep his nose stuck in a book - he's reading at grade 11 level if not highter), I can't help but like the kid and his silly mannerisms. I think the class gets a kick out of him too. He dropped his pencil and it broke somehow to which he exlaimed, "OH NO! My pencil fell apart!" My favorite was when I asked him if his last name was spelled correctly off the top of my head for information on the computer and he said, "Whoa! How were you able to spell my last name so fast?" In some ways his overenthusiasm reminds me of myself at times - of course - I am just getting to know the kid, so as the days go by I'll have a better idea of what I'm in for, but I think I'm in for a treat.

A Few Happenings in My Life...

2007-04-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

Well I found out that UMPI is now offering a Masters program. It sounds like it will be a flexible one (after school hours) for those who teach full time. This might be something I possibly pursue depending on some other things that I've been waiting on the Lord for, so I guess in prayer, time will certainly tell.

I had a tough day today at school. Yesterday was parent-teacher which made for a long day - of course the parents that I wanted to see didn't show up. My day ended with me finding out that I'll be receiving a new student - but he's supposed to be in fourth grade. It's a long story - one which I don't want to recount right now. New students make me nervous - especially at this point in the year - I really like my classroom dynamics - and one student can change everything. I'm told he's highly intelligent but very busy...Hmm...Perhaps I'll keep you posted.

My piano is now tuned - Hip! Hip! HOORAY! I haven't had it tuned since we moved in here four years ago - I've been holding out hoping that we'd find a bigger place - shame on me. The Lord has taught me how to be content with my little abode, and so it was time for a tuning (on my piano that is). Dan the piano man did a good job as always.

I just got off the phone with a friend about a prayer request. My heart's a bit heavy.

I'm going to get ready for bed because it's been a very long day.

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-04-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

5 Things

2007-04-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

1. I'm officially hooked on Facebook. I love it! I'm still trying to convince Ben to join.
2. I tried out the celebrity look-a-likes thing after reading Mark and Liz's blogs. Believe it or not, Kayne West was one of my so called look alikes, but I opted to post the women look alikes instead.
3. I have math and spelling tests to mark, but I'm procrastinating (shame shame)
4. I love eating Big Turks.
5. Only 3 months left of school before summer vacation - woo hoo! I love my students, but I'm ready for a break.

A little bit of everything...

2007-03-21T16:40:00.000-07:00

Well, last week I was in much turmoil due to some things that Ben and I were praying through. Tuesday I called my Aunt Sheila for wise council as I shared my burden with her. By the time I got off the phone, I had the most incredible peace, and I slept the best that I had in a long time that evening. By the end of Friday, the Lord continued to astound me by enabling something to happen that I didn't expect. All I can say is, "Wow." I'm still amazed.

This week I have had some other obstacles to overcome in dealing with some students at school. The thing about teaching is that every day has an unpredictability of outcomes. I have writing assignments to mark, report cards to grade...I'm soooo tired! I just need a day to work on things and this weekend will be busy as there will be a birthday party for my niece Arianna. Oh to have a snow day...

On the humorous side of life, Ben and I know that spring time is arriving because our annual snow flea killing tally is up and running. Last year I won, but thus far he has proven to be in the lead. I find myself constantly scanning a room in hopes that I'll spot one of the harmless black critters sauntering along my ceiling or wall. We've also spotted some silverfish (oh joy). No matter how clean we keep this apartment, they still like to venture out and annoy me. Ben is better at killing them then me - I'm too slow when it comes to getting the little critters. Oh how they mock me!

I'll close by saying that 10 years ago this evening, I was Miss NHS, and Ben was my escort to the pageant dance. What a ride it has been! I love him more each day. I'm so blessed!

Update on Doc Taylor and Pat

2007-03-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

This was posted on my cousin Selinda's blog. She is serving in Africa as well.

Another Traumatic Event

I wish I could say that all was well in Swaziland, but I can't.
Indeed it is better for some than others, unfortunately I bring some
not-so-happy news after talking with Dave and Pat Taylor this
morning. About 2 am this past Monday morning the same two men, that
broke into the Taylor's house, ransacked it and tried to kill Dave
about 2 1/2 weeks ago, returned for another round. They broke
through the security bars on the office window and cleaned out what
was accessable. Then being unable to get to the rest of the house
because of a new security gate in the hallway, the men went back
outside and came in through the security bars in the spare bedroom
window. Their second entry woke the Taylors up and Dave looked
through the keyhole in the door and saw a shadow. At that he told
Pat to phone the neighbours for help and he no sooner got his
shoulder to the door when the men, using a crowbar, tried to get into
their bedroom. Both of them screamed as much as they could for help
and when the men couldn't get in, they gave up and ran off.
The Taylors were just dealing with the first traumatic situation and
now have another one on top. At this they have packed what
possessions they have left and are flying for Canada tomorrow morning
(March 15). How can one feel safe in their own home after all this
and with those men still on the loose. No one can blame them for
this, but it hurts to see them go under such conditions. They need
our prayers now more than ever before. Thank you for praying for
them these past few weeks and thank you for continuing to lift them
up in prayer. Pray for speedy healing from emotional wounds and also
pray for safe flights/travels. I forwarded notes I received about
people praying for them and they were encouraged by the number of
people praying for them.

Back to School!

2007-03-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

Today it was back to work. The highlight of my day: I found a note on my desk. It was on a wrinkled corner torn off piece of looseleaf and it said, "*Student name* is to go to ________'s house for a birthday party. Bus #19. *Gaurdian Signature*" I knew it wasn't written by his gaurdian.

Reason number one: She wouldn't write it on a crumpled corner piece of paper. Reason number two: I found it AFTER lunch by an actual note written by another parent whose son was going to the party.
Reason number three: Let's just say that this particular student has a bad track record....

So I had the secretary phone home to check things out, and my suspicion's were right. At the end of the school day he exclaimed he was going to the party. "Where's my bus pass? I had a note."

"No you didn't," I replied. "I suspected it was your writing and it was confirmed when I had your house phoned. You're not going." He looked pretty sad. Needless to say, his guardian managed to show up right before the buses were loaded and give him a note to go. I mean really? Let's reward him for LYING to his TEACHER??? Whether or not he was actually invited is beyond me. Despite the fact that no moral lesson is being taught by his home (he's the type of kid who apparently can do "no wrong"), I found the whole thing somewhat amusing.

March...Break?

2007-03-06T13:01:00.000-08:00

I got to be a housewife again today. Between yesterday and today I've cooked for my hubby and cleaned - BIG TIME (Spring cleaning...doing it early because my job can be demanding at times) - I washed walls, scrubbed floors, cleaned out cupboards...I even packed away my snowmen and took out my gerber daisies and ivy. Tomorrow it'll be back into the school to do some marking, planning, and work on report cards so that I won't have to think about it towards the end of the week. I intend on cooking a pork roast tomorrow as I'm taking delight in spoiling my husband this week (usually I'm too tired to do much cooking or baking of any kind). I'm going to take some time for me too, I just haven't figured out what to do yet (apart from already having watched the 5 hour version of "Pride and Prejudice"...I love how they speak...and their dresses...and of course Mr.Darcy...I remember Ben walked clear out to Sussex Corner during college once to say some lines of Shakespeare to me...how I'd like to hear him say some of those verses again! I'm convinced I could've been quite content to have been born in the days when speech seemed to be much more poetic).

I'm not quite as down in the dumps this week, but I am still sifting and praying through some things. My husband isn't quite as melancholy which is a help. He had to preach twice this past weekend as Ryan and Maridel are away on vacation. He's grown so much in his preaching. I enjoy listening to him speak, and I don't get nervous for him anymore :)

Well I must go get ready for an outing - we've been invited out for turkey dinner!

Three Things

2007-02-28T15:21:00.000-08:00

1. Lori (Geldart) Crouse has a blog now: http://lorislatest.blogspot.com/

2. Ben us put his final video about his ice castle on his my space (check out my link)

3. I'm feeling "down in the dumps" due to some things that have occurred this week.

Personal Update from Doc Taylor

2007-02-27T15:05:00.001-08:00

For a recent update on how Doc and his wife are doing, please go here:

http://www.naznet.com/community/showthread.php?t=9882

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST FOR DOC TAYLOR AND HIS WIFE

2007-02-23T15:40:00.000-08:00

This was posted on my cousin Selinda's blog this past Tuesday. I figured I'd post it here in case some of you hadn't heard about Doc Taylor and his wife.

Please pray for Dave & Pat Taylor. He used to teach at Bethany Bible College and they are both dear friends of mine. They are now missionaries here in Swaziland and live only 30 minutes away. Two men broke into their house last Friday night, ransacked it, and took everything of any value, right down to his tennis shoes. This whole thing took about a half an hour. They hacked Doc with a bush knife in the head and neck, knocking him unconscious, then the men grabbed Pat and demanded money, cell phone, etc. with a threat to her life made with each. The Taylor's think that the men thought they had killed Doc and kept threatening to do to Pat what they did to him. When they left, Doc had come to and ran next door for help. Physically they are both doing fine and thankful to be alive, but they are very traumatized and afraid to go back to their house. They will get through this, but it will take a lot of time and prayer to deal with everything and get back to normal life.

Skating with my lovable Niece!!

2007-02-19T15:10:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday I had a wonderful time skating with my niece Sheridan. What's even better was that the public skate wasn't publicized that well, and apart from about four children we had the rink practically to ourselves! It was so much fun! We pretended to be cars, we pretended to be cooking supper...we both fell once and laughed. I had such a blast. Uncle Ben put together two videos, and so we decided to let you vote on which one you like best. They're of the same footage, but one has nice sappy music to it (my and Maridel's favorite), and the other one has typical sports music. The video is only about a minute long. You'll have to go to this my My Space page to see them (and for those of you who aren't familiar with My Space - you know who you are...you'll need to press the "pause" button on the music button first in order to hear the music on the videos) The clarity isn't as clear as a regular video would be because my hubby had to down the size of them - but you'll get the idea! Happy voting!

http://www.myspace.com/waterspiller (or click on "Sarah's My Space" on the link bar)

Some other exciting news: I submitted a SmartBoard lesson to the District in hopes of "winning" one for my school/classroom as they have 60 that they wanted to give out, and I won one!!! They'll be installing it in my classroom in March. Two other teachers from our school received one. That's three SmartBoards for our school!! God has been so good to me :)

King of the Castle

2007-02-16T18:26:00.000-08:00

I'm about the eat my words...my husband has been working on an "ice castle" that I never dreamed would happen. You must understand, in our four years of marriage these are a few things he's "dreamed" of building and talked about:

a one man helicopter
a boat
a rock wall on the back of the church

and now an ice castle...but it's actually taking shape. Check out his My Space for some videos:

http://www.myspace.com/crazypipedream

Never a dull moment in my household...

It's a Boy!

2007-02-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

I just received news that Brent and Amanda's baby is a healthy baby boy! They're naming him Owen Douglas. The doctor tested for a number of things. He said that there was a one in (something hundred - I'm not sure) chance that the baby could have downs or something of that nature and that there was a 60% chance the baby was fine. He said that usually if something was wrong it would've shown up by now on the ultrasound. He also said it wouldn't hurt to keep on praying though - so by all means please do. Kayla your OB was right. Amanda said that were she to do it again, she wouldn't have had that test, but being a nurse we think she may have been pressured to take it.

Owen Douglas will be the first grandson on our side of the family, and I'm sure he'll be spoiled.

Thanks for your prayers!

8 AM Thursday Morning

2007-02-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my mom last night. She said that my brother took a few days off of work because of worrying about the baby. From what I understand, he and Amanda headed for Saint John today because their appointment is tomorrow and they didn't want to travel through the winter storm. Their appointment is tomorrow at 8 AM.

I appreciate your prayers.

On a brighter note, Ben surprised me with Chinese food and a dozen roses after school today. I also discovered that one of my fifth grade boys thinks I'm "cute" to which I replied when a girl told me the info, "Why thanks. My husband thinks I'm cute too!"

MAJOR PRAYER REQUEST

2007-02-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

My brother and his wife are expecting their first baby this July. This is something we've all been really excited about. The results of a bloodtest for the baby have just come back and weren't good. They indicate that the baby may have downs syndrome. As you can well imagine, this is tough news to comprehend. They have to go in for some tests on Thursday, and I'm asking that you pray that things will be fine with the baby. I'd really appreciate your prayers concerning this matter. The Lord has really worked in their lives, and this will definitely be a test of their faith. That's all I can write right now. I just received the news.

Thanks.

No Relief From a Friday...

2007-02-10T04:25:00.000-08:00

You wouldn't believe the things that have gone wrong in my life this week.

Last night as Ben and I were driving to the church to decorate the the Valentine's Banquet/Ukraine Fundraiser I said to him, "I don't think it could get any worse...unless of course someone died."

Well, we arrived home last night to find out that our neighbour (who lived under us in our apartment with his wife) died. We knew his time was near as he has been in ICU for a long time. Ben will most likely be assisting with the funeral.

Poor Ben has been looking forward to Tim Branscombe coming to visit us all week, and now we're not sure what's going to happen with funeral and visitation arrangements. I also have a full plate of my own with some deadlines and teaching preparation, coupled with this banquet (I'm in charge of the program/entertainment). I guess that's just life - when it rains, it pours.

Could it get any worse? I'm not about to ask that question, because I know that it could...

UPDATE: The banquet was a hit, and Ben bought me grey and blue comfy pants in Grand Falls today (he had to go for a guitar lesson). My comfy pants make me smile so much, I think I'll be able to do my happy dance soon. Could the sun be trying to pop out from behind the clouds?

Is It Friday Yet???

2007-02-07T15:24:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I told a student who has a hard time finishing his homework that if he came to school on Monday with an assignment finished that he claimed he'd do over the weekend (I don't typically assign homework on the weekends but he had missed some time that week), that I'd do my "happy" dance. This past Monday morning he slapped it down on my desk and said, "There you go Mrs. Canney." So I had to do my happy dance in front of the class.

Tuesday I had a blah day and the kids were kept inside for recess and lunch AGAIN because of the cold. They've been getting at each other because they've been kept inside for the last 6 days of school.

Today at one point I felt like I wanted to cry because of a number of things that took place at school. Exhausted is a word that barely describes how I felt/feel. I had to get "ugly" with my students today. I hate getting "ugly" with my kids. I'm under a lot of pressure right now as this week there are some things that are coming to a head.

I want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep, but alas, I have more papers to mark (this time it's for the Immersion class that I teach English to). At least I'm in my new comfy pants.

My New Pants and My New My Space

2007-02-06T13:00:00.000-08:00

I recently bought a pair of comfy black athletic type pants from the Super Store for 10 dollars (regular price). I'm super excited about these pants. You have no idea how long and hard I have searched for pants like this. They don't make my butt look big and they're not skin tight (I'm no longer size 2 like I was in high school, so when I go into some of the stores that I used to (which I find I do less and less), the pants just aren't as "cute" on me as they used to be when I had no hips. I must have said to Ben at least four times this week, "Ben, we have to go back to Super Store in Grand Falls and I NEED to buy these pants in grey and in blue. I LOVE THESE PANTS."

I recently set up a "My Space." Today I was all excited about adding friends to it, and lo and behold, it won't let me on my site!! This is what I get:

"Sorry! an unexpected error has occurred. This error has been forwarded to MySpace's technical group."

Well gee, thanks. At least my blog is still being nice to me.

To Blog or To My Space? I'm so confused!!!

2007-02-05T16:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I wanted to put some pictures on my blog which is always an annoying ordeal. For whatever reason, it's more difficult. So today while I was trying to change some pics, Ben said to me - "It's so much easier on my space." So now I have a My Space - and I'm torn - do I blog here and just update photos on my My Space? Or do I just blog on My Space? Then there's people who have My Space and a Blog and I'm just so undecided. Help?! As for Tom - I don't know who he is or how he became my friend on "My Space??!"

I'm so confused. All this time doing a "My Space" when I have papers to mark.

Here it is - with newer pics comin' in the near future. I'll keep you posted.

http://www.myspace.com/waterspiller

Right now I have only 2 friends. LOL. Sadness...I really need to go mark papers now.

Vienna, Austria

2007-01-31T15:12:00.000-08:00

Ben and I just received an e-mail that confirmed our lay over for Ukraine will be in Vienna, Austria. We are now looking into options for visiting that part of Europe for at least a week, and we're even looking into going to Rome! I'm so excited, but I'm trying not to get too excited just in case things don't pan out.

On a side note, Ben has a "My Space" now...go figure. I don't know how everyone does it. I do well to keep up with blogs! There is a picture of the two of us with our nephew Alexander who will be a year old in February. Here's the link: http://www.myspace.com/crazypipedream

A Teacher's Prayer

2007-01-26T12:15:00.001-08:00

"Enable me to teach with wisdom, for I help to shape the mind.
Equip me to teach with truth, for I help to shape the conscience.
Encourage me to teach with vision, for I help to shape the future.
Empower me to teach with love, for I help to shape the world."

I had a hard day at work today. I wouldn't even know where to begin if I were to go into detail. I was having such a great week, and then today with all of its turmoil came and tried to rob my joy. As Anne of Green Gables would say, "I'm having a Jonah day." No, I'm not running from God, but it sure feels like I was swallowed by a whale. Good thing it's Friday.

Better Late Than Never...

2007-01-18T12:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've finally sat down to blog...where to begin? First of all, I must tell you that Ben and I are FINALLY going to have internet at home again (high speed at that - glory hallelulah!), so that will make it much easier for me to blog. I can blog at school, but typically at school at the end of the day there's chatting, preparation, meetings, chatting... yeah you get the idea.

Life in the classroom is wonderful. I LOVE my kids - that's right - MY kids. I may not have any waiting for me at home at the end of the day (apart from my husband - ha.ha...), but I have 23 that I look after, counsel, teach, and encourage on a daily basis. I'm getting my prayer life back in order and I'm feeling it now...yup, the enemy sure knows how to try and put the pressure on, but I'm up for the challenge.

Ben and I are doing great! We went to UMPI last Friday night to climb the rock wall. I almost made it to the top of one - I takled that puppy three times and I couldn't quite make it - but I will conquer the wall! Ben, of course, being the monkey that he is made it to the top, but later struggled with a more difficult part of the wall - I was proud. I only try that stuff because I know he loves it so much. He sent me flowers to school this week - my favorite - gerber daisies! The best part was that he sent them just to say, "I love you." 3.5 years of marriage and we're still going strong. Of course we get the "When are you having children?" question a lot which is a question I've learned not to ask people. It's in the Lord's hands, and right now it's evident that the Lord wants me with these fifth graders. I'll leave it at that. We're going to the Ukraine on a missions trip in August. We're hoping that we can go a week earlier than the team leaves and do some sight seeing of the place where our lay-over is - Austria (perhaps we could see some surrounding areas). We thought it was going to be London at first. We're just looking into things right now, but we're hopeful! Ben's loan is also paid off (Praise the Lord!) and mine will be (providing we stick to the budget) by the end of May. The car will be paid off in June...God has really blessed us.

We went to the conference in Florida and we had such a blast. It was so much fun to see BBC people that we haven't seen in a long time (and their children - wowzers!). I got food poisoning twice (which I can laugh about now...especially after hearing that Kirk Perry had an awful case like me on the same day...we had eaten together with Ben and Tim the night before). I didn't get to go to Disney as a result, but since I'm better now I'm just thankful to be home and okay (it was that bad...I almost went to the hospital.) Ben, Tim, Kirk, and I also had a case of something from eating together somewhere else, and it hit us all at the same time (we nearly died laughing when we discovered what happened). Perhaps the four of us shouldn't eat together. LOL. Oh the stories I could tell - you should see the photo booth pictures...

Well, Ben has arrived to take me home...I have some Math tests and Problem of the Week assignments that are in need of being marked. I don't know though, with what I had to deal with at school today, and with an unexpected parent showing up (she just needed a listening ear it seemed and some encouragement), I'm wiped!

Looking forward to catching up - Ben's informed me Internet is ready to go at home!!

Sarah :)

Update Coming Soon

2006-12-20T12:02:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post on my blog - but as usual after school people stop in to chat and my hubby will be here soon to pick me up. We don't have internet at home currently sooo...I will be posting soon to update you on things...

Elementary Education Part 1

2006-10-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

It is with a heavy heart that I type this blog. I have spent a lot of time reflecting over my students and how much I care about them and want to make a difference in their lives. Some days I feel like I'm getting through, and other days I can't help but be disappointed by the behavior of someone. When I was at the Christian School the worst thing I had to deal within fifth grade was a child taking another child's lunch money. While teaching here I've dealt with major 5th grade bullying of which I am unable to go into detail. Prior to some major incidences I said to my husband, I have until June to make a difference. I have these kids until June and then they're off to middle school, and I may never see some of them again." One Friday afternoon while disciplining a student, I poured myself into him, telling him that I believed in him and that he had the potential to make a difference. The next day I went into the school to do some work and find broken windows in the gym and in the doorway - the school had been broken into. On Monday, my student, the one I had poured myself into, was in my classroom and I was informed that he had been involved. I was disappointed, but even as I write this, I have to believe that I can make a difference. Despite what the world may try to tell me, I have the Lord's strength and prayer to pull me through. I may not be able to tell these kids about Christ, but I can let them see Him in my actions (which isn't always easy when dealing with 23 ten year olds).

Lord give me the wisdom to know how to speak to these children.

ARIANNA IS CURRENTLY IN 1ST PLACE!

2006-10-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've spent this past week teaching and getting organized (something of which I can hardly wait to fill you in on once I get settled - I don't dare tell you how much time I spent in this classroom over the weekend...Let's just say if you can remember my work habits from school and the way I love to excell you should have a good indication. I have a great husband - he has helped hang stuff and cut stuff and love me all the way through my overwhelming "I must suceed and do well" attitude).

Anyways, ARIANNA is currently in FIRST place. The poll ends on October 16 at 12:00 Midnight (I think), so PLEASE VOTE!!! Get a friend to vote, get that friend to get a friend to vote. We have people in Europe voting and other parts of the world. In case you forgot where to go, just click on the link below:
http://timnew.com/arianna.html

KEEP UP THE VOTING. I'm so excited. I love my girls! I don't have my own children, but I love my sister's girls as if they were my own. I even get to see Sheridan here at school sometimes. And yes, I let her call me Aunt Sarah :)

On a side note, I love having high speed at the computer in my classroom. I can listen to Christian radio in Florida here in little Perth. Ahh...music helps me keep my sanity.

VOTE FOR ARIANNA!

2006-09-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

My friends, my niece is currently in fourth place. Remember you can only vote once a day (only one vote per household), but please vote. The voting for this period ends October 15. We have to close the gap! Get a friend to vote. For more information go to:
http://timnew.com/arianna.html

This is so exciting.

I GOT THE JOB!

2006-09-16T06:45:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I was offered the 5th grade position yesterday morning while I was at the school substitute teaching. (Would you believe that it's only the second week of school and I've substitute taught at the same school three days this week?) My boss Jon said to me, "It's evident that the staff here is behind you." As I made the announcement in the staff room the secretary gave me a hug and said, "I was in your corner Sarah!!" Words can't express how good it feels to know that I will be working in a school where the staff supports me and where I feel so welcome. It's located right in town, so Ben can drop me off in the morning and then go to work at the church. The timing is just so perfect. God is so good! It's a year maternity leave position. The Lord definitely opened the doors for this opportunity and I'm SUPER EXCITED!

Thanks for those of you out there who may have been praying for me. I could use your prayers in the coming months as I try to balance everything.

I probably won't be able to post too much in the next few months as lesson preparation, teaching, and the life of a pastor's wife will be demanding much of my time. I'll do my best to check in on you all when I can, but those of you who have taught understand how demanding the job can be in the beginning stages while you get organized. I will say that the teacher I am replacing is AMAZING and extremely organized, so it should be an easy transition as I will have time to go and observe her teach before I actually have to take her place in October.

Today I also received a surprise vase of a dozen red roses from mom and dad Crockett (one set of in-laws) to congratulate me. I've been looking at them and smelling them all day. I love flowers :)

Praise the Lord! He has provided yet again!

Aside from this teaching news, I have a favor to ask. Check this out: http://timnew.com/arianna.html
and do as it says at least once for an aunt who would do anything for her little girls. Thanks to Tim New for making the website in hopes that my girl will win :)

The weeks events

2006-09-07T15:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've spent the week doing a number of things that have made it hard for me to post and respond. Let me explain:

1) Cleaning and Organizing - Every Spring and Fall I like to clean and reorganize areas in the apartment that have become cluttered. I decide what is worth keeping and what needs to go. I also decorate according to the change in seasons. I love the fall. I'm quite pleased with how the sunroom has turned out this year. I still have to tackle my nemisis - the spare room. I have a drawer full of notes that Ben and I exchanged over our six years of dating and three years of marriage. I'll keep you posted!

2) Reading Old Journal Entries - LOL - Let's just say that I have some hilarious entries regarding the first few summers Ben and I knew each other before we were dating. Oh the stories I could tell!! I had crushes on other guys, but I'd still write about Ben..."Ben and I gave each other a big hug..."(after our team had won something). "I asked Ben to come talk to me and I was upset and crying. Ben said, 'I'll go get Shane on one condition - you go up there and sing your heart out.'" This is my personal fav, "We talked about stuff and I told him (Ben) someday he would get hooked up with the woman God has for him and she'll be so committed to God and him and they'll be happy." LOL!!!!! Ironic don't you think??

3) Elementary School - There is a maternity leave position for 5th grade at the school in the community and I have my heart set on it. A lot of the teachers are rooting for me and one even recommended me to the new principal. I've been in to meet him, but I also know that it's in the Lord's hands because I've done my part in trying to get this job. If it's ment for me to have the job then it will be so, if not, then He must have something else in mind for me.

4) Phantom of the Opera - Can I just say that I love theatre? Especially musicals. I borrowed this from someone and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Needless to say, Ben doesn't share my enthusiasm, so I watched it by myself, and yes, I cried because I'm a sap.

Pictures: Take Three

2006-08-28T07:13:00.000-07:00

This is Amanda's wedding party! (l-r): Erica, Amanda, Katrina, Leah, and me!
This is one of my best friends - Amanda - with her husband to be Eric. They'll be getting married May of next year.

Pictures: Take Two

2006-08-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sheridan enjoys playing in the sand at the beach on Grand Manan.
This is one of my favorite pictures of Charisma. She is actually running after a kite that her daddy is flying and I managed to get the shot with my camera.
Charisma and Sheridan are enjoying themselves at the park on Grand Manan.
This is me at the beach with my sandcastle.

Pictures: Take One

2006-08-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

More pictures to come - These ones are all mixed up but it took me forever to get them uploaded (gotta love dial-up). Stay tuned!

The sandcastle king: What a guy!

While on Grand Manan we had a camp fire. Tim Branscombe and Ben were in charge of the fire.
The Tatton girls (Robin & Holly) and I sat and watched the boys try to keep the fire going. It lasted long enough for us to make some smores.

During our visit to Ottawa we got to spend some time with our nephew Alexander Canney.

Romeo - Carmine and Dan's beloved dog. He went with us to Hershey Park. We love this little guy.

King of Prussia, PA - A visit with our friends Carmine and Dan Bortner. Congrats to Dan who just got promotion within his clothing company Diesel. He and Carm will be moving to the Big Apple which will make another great spot for us to visit!

I'm BAAA-AAACK!

2006-08-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm finally back and looking forward to updating this much neglected blog. Ben and I have had an incredible summer and I intend on showing some pictures asap. Here's a quick update:

1. Ben and I were able to vacation in King of Prusia (PA), Ottawa, Sussex, and Grand Manan this summer. Ben and I even had a sand castle competition on the beach (He was way more into it then me. I just came up with the idea so he wouldn't get bored.) We only have two weeks of vacation so each week was filled to the brim, but it was totally worth it. As mentioned earlier pictures are on the way.

2. Ben and I were head counsellors for a week at Riverside Senior High Camp. We were both exhausted at the end of it but we had a blast. We did video room inspections which were a hit. At the end of the week we got to see Three Season Ant - I love those guys. It was so nice to be poured into after having poured ourselves out the entire week.

3. I had an interview to get my name on the long term supply list. I still don't have full time work at the moment, but I am content knowing that I should get plenty of short-term work once school starts. If I'm not working full time this fall I may get to go to a youth specialties conference with my hubby which would be nice.

4. We're going camping at Mr. Carleton this weekend with our youth group. Last time we went camping Ben refused to get up with me to walk me to the pottie to pee in the night. I had to go all by myself. He said he was too cold. Go figure.

5. My niece Sheridan will be starting school in a few weeks! Wowzers. She can already read though - compliments of her dedicated mother who has worked with her at home.

6. How do you upload pictures onto your blog? I've done it before but the way Ben showed me seems a bit complicated as it involves using another web page. Is there an easier way?

An Update on the Canney Household

2006-06-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

The above picture is of Benjamin and me with our three beautiful nieces: Sheridan, Arianna, and Charisma. I can only hope that one day we'll be blessed with children as sweet as them!

* I graduated from UMPI - Summa Cum Laude (highest honours) - with a Bachelor of Science
in Elementary Education. Amy Smith has a pic on her blog of us under the blog title:
University of Maine at Presque Isle Graduation http://www.amyruth.blogspot.com/
(Typically she'd be listed in my links but I obviously haven't updated those...)

* I've been substitute teaching quite regularly - sometimes up to 3.5 days a week

* I am now certified to teach in the State of Maine, and should all go as planned, I'll be certified
to teach in the Province of New Brunswick.

* That being said, I've been busy updating my resume and working on a portfolio as I hope to
find full time work.

* Benjamin and I will celebrate 3 years of marriage next week on the 21st. We are also going on
vacation for the week - driving to PA and then to Ontario. I am looking forward to this as we
haven't had any time for each other in what seems like months. We're always coming and
going - it's craziness! When we do have time to sit together for a meal, the phone never seems
to stop ringing.

* He and I took part in the Relay for Life last weekend with a team from our church. It's a fund
raiser for Cancer in which you camp out on a track and stay up all night while different
members of your team walk around the track. Throughout the night there was karoke,
entertainment, etc. We were both wiped out after that.

* Ben has to preach this weekend in the evening and then we're heading for PA!!

* Did I mention that we NEED a vacation? We haven't been on one since last August.

* I have so much on my mind that I think my head's about to explode. That being said, I really
can't complain, because I am blessed. I do love my life - craziness and all.

me + pocket-rocket = a very unfortunate event

2006-06-02T12:56:00.001-07:00

I am married to a very adventurous man. This adventurous man has challenged me over the course of our relationship to try new adventurous things. If you know me, you know that I like to keep my feet on the ground. Upside-down roller coaster rides scare me, sky-diving terrifies me...I can stand on the edge of a cliff but I have no desire to repell down it. I have tried outdoor wall climbing and indoor wall climbing as a means of impressing my husband by trying to do something that he absolutely loves. And so, on Tuesday, May 30, I endevoured to once again make my husband proud of me.

I arrived at the church later than usual because I had to tend to some things at home. A large group of teens were outside with my husband enjoying the evening sun. As I stepped out of the car, I noticed one of the girls on something peculiar. It looked like a crotchrocket that had been put into the drier and shrunk. It was about the size of something that my 4 year-old niece could ride. I was soon told that it was a 'pocket-rocket.'

As I chatted with the teens, my husband said to me, "Honey, you should try it! I did. It's a lot of fun." The owner, whom we call by his last name, Patterson, said, "Yeah, come try it!"

"Well...I don't know...I am accident prone and I've never been on a dirt bike before..." as the words trailed out of my mouth I thought to myself that perhaps it wouldn't be so difficult.

"It's not hard! Come give it a try." Oh the pressure of trying to be adventurous!

I was soon shown where the brake was and the gas. My husband took a little ride on it to show me just how easy it was.

As I sat on the tiny device, I remember feeling nervous as I tried to get my feet situated.

"Crack open the gas!" Patterson said.

"Sarah, just go easy on the gas," My husband said.

It was like two little people sitting on either side of my shoulder trying to tell me what to do.

"Crack it open! Come on!" said Patterson.

"Take your time. Go easy." said my husband.

As I "cracked open" the gas, I squealed with delight as I took off, and in a matter of three seconds I started wobbling. "Uh-oh" I remember thinking, "How do I slow down? I'm losing control..." Then, the pocket-rocket headed from the pavement to the lawn, and as I flew over the top of it and face first into the grass I remember thinking, "I'm such an idiot." As I laughed and cried at the same time due to my embarrassment, I thought to myself, "Why? Why did you have to do this in front of the whole youth group?" Some of the guys took up for me which made me feel a little better, but I must admit that I was thoroughly embarrassed.

"Are you hurt?" said one of the teens.

"No," I responded, "I think the only thing hurting right now is my pride!"

Needless to say, I think I missed out on $20,000 from America's Funniest Home Videos.

I know...I know...

2006-05-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

Ben and I having fun at May Rally '06.

Yes I realize this is the third time I've changed around my blog, and yes, I realize I haven't responded to your blogs, so of course I don't expect you to respond to mine. If it means anything I've been preoccupied with graduation and teaching, but I really am going to make an effort to revisit your lives and respond to your blogs while updating mine (yeah I know I sound like a broken record).

Sorry about the links...I botched things up when I chose a new template and now I have to remember who I had listed, track down all of your blogs and upload them onto my links yet again. Argh!

Yeah I know I'm pathetic...

Life Changes

2006-05-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

So I've been away from the blogging world for awhile. After finishing my courses, I took off to visit my grandmother DeeDee on Grand Manan for a weekend with my brother and his wife and then I went to Sussex to visit my parents. While on Grand Manan I had a second opportunity to hear my brother speak about his missions trip to Africa, and I'm convinced I could never tire of hearing about his trip. It's just exciting to me that God has worked in the life of my brother and his wife and has revealed Himself to them in a real and fresh way.

While visiting DeeDee I was reminded of how quickly life can change. It seems like yesterday I was a child peering up at the counter as she kneaded dough for rolls and set it by the window to raise. Once the rolls were baked we'd pack a picnic lunch complete with fresh bread, red juice, and cookies and head for the beach with cousins and aunts. Now it is I who kneads the dough and bakes the rolls. The progression has gone from Dee Dee baking them with me watching, to Dee Dee helping me make them, to Dee Dee laying in bed while I make them. It is hard to see someone you love weaken in health. Life changes are not always easy to adjust to.

I am looking forward to summer. A summer without the stress of school. A summer where I can hopefully slow down a bit and take a day at a time. It'll be three years for Benjamin and I this summer, and I can't get over how quickly time has flown and how our lives have changed in such a short time.

And so I sit here in a mellow mood, thinking about life changes. There are other changes that are happening in my life, but an on-line blog is just not the place, as these are things that I would much rather talk about with a personal friend curled up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate.

Thanks for checking in, and please be patient with me as I finally try to get around to reading and responding to your blogs.

Good for a Laugh

2006-04-12T17:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I went to this site: http://www.quizgalaxy.com/result.php?q=83&r=1
to figure out what my name would be defined as for I had seen it on other people's blogs. I discovered that if I typed in my name, every time it would come up with a different definition - it wasn't always the same definition. So here are some of the definitions I was given:

Definition of Sarah (in some cases 'Sarah' was defined as a noun, in others it was defined as an adjective:
- tastes like fried chicken
- a person who laughs at everything (even this sentence)
- a person with the sixth sense of detecting the presence of goblins
- like in nature to a banana peel
- sexually stunning (hey that's pretty good - LOL)
- extremely flatulent
- smelling like turnips at all times

Also, I checked out the death psychic as was posted on Mark's blog at this address: http://www.thedeathpsychic.com/ and it was so funny that I just had to post it:

An amputee overhears you as you snicker and make jokes about him. Enraged, he beats you to death with his prosthetic leg.

It's a Girl: Another Beautiful Niece!

2006-04-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

Arianna Maridel Farrell was born Monday, March 27, 2006, at around 7:36 AM. These pictures were taken the very day she was born.

I'm a busy bee right now with studies, but once I write my final exam this coming weekend, I should be back in the blogging world, and back with some new pics of Sheridan and Charisma with their new sister Arianna.

March 21, 1997

2006-03-24T09:05:00.000-08:00

Nine years ago this past Tuesday, I was Miss NHS and Benjamin was my escort at the pageant dance. With his Mickey Mouse tie, pleated blue jeans, and brown deck shoes, he confessed to me that I was the girl for him (in a very cheesy way I might add). I had a big crush on another guy (which is ironic in itself if you knew who he was), but Benjamin had phoned me so regularly leading up to this point that I was beginning to have stronger feelings for him instead.

Benjamin was supposed to be my date for the pageant dance which was originally scheduled in February, but then he hurt his leg from jumping off of a snow bank so he was unable to come. I found another date (a very good school friend named Anthony), but then the dance was cancelled due to a storm. It was rescheduled, to which I kept my date with Anthony, but it was cancelled again due to a snow storm. When it was rescheduled the third time, for March 21, Anthony was unable to make it, and Benjamin was better by then. The rest is history.

It'll be three years of marriage for us on June 21 of this year.

I can handle students who have fits but I can't handle technology

2006-03-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

Okay. After the day I've had (see post below) my patience has worn thin. Somebody in BloogerDom does not like me. Who are you and why are you doing this? First and foremost, for the past few days when I've wanted to check out my blog a page has come up that says, "Under Maintenance" and if you're curious, no, I haven't been doing anything to change my blog. Then I finally get my page to show up - and that's just it - it's just a page with out my template or anything. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Why a Teacher Has to Have a Sense of Humour...

2006-03-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

Three days of teaching this week. It feels good, but boy am I tired. My day with third grade went very well, fourth grade wasn't so bad, and then today...I love second grade...but let's just say that the one student who has fits was having an "off" day. Overall I had a great day, but let me tell you...what an episode! This one particular student - we'll call her "Gina" - is known for having fits. Today it was crying fits.

EPIDSODE 1:
The scene: I'm walking the students through the steps for making a St. Patrick's Day pin. Gina keeps coming up to me as I'm assisting students in the classroom.

Gina: So-and-so's acting like a baby.
Me: Well you don't worry about so-and-so. I will.
Gina: But I have to. He's my best friend.
Me: No, you don't. Please go sit down at your desk, and I'll take care of so-and-so.

EPIDSODE 2:
The scene: Students are to be copying the instructions for the craft they made from the board. Gina is going around with the broom sweeping.

Me: Gina, I appreciate that you're cleaning the room, but it is now time to sit down and copy the instructions from the board.
Gina: I have too many things to do at once! I'm sweeping.
Me: (Standing up and approaching Gina) Please put the broom away and write down the instructions.
Gina: No.
Me: (Reaching for the broom) Give me the broom and return to your seat. If you choose not to listen, then you're choosing to be sent out of the classroom.
Gina: (Hands me the broom and returns to her seat.)

Time has passed. It's nearing snack time and those who are not finished will be staying in to finish or at least write enough to my satisfaction.

Gina: (tears streaming down her face) I'm not a good writer! Why do we have to do this?
Me: It's good writing practice.
Gina: But I can't do this! I don't want to do this!
Me: (Firm) Sometimes in school we have to do things we don't like. It's a part of the learning process. Now please get back to work. I know that you can write at least a few more sentences along with the rest of the students.
(Gina then returns to her work.)

EPIDSODE 3:
The scene: Gina is sitting at her desk, sobbing (the key word is "sobbing" folks)

Gina: I don't have any snacks in my lunchbag that I like.
Me: I can't imagine someone packing your lunch and filling it with things you don't like.
Gina: Well I don't have anything to eat.
Me: What's in your lunch?
Gina: Well...I have chocolate...chocolate...pud...pudding...but I DON'T HAVE A SPOON!
Me: Well that's not a problem. Let me get you a spoon. Would you eat it then?
Gina: Yes
(Problem solved. I gave her a spoon. She was happy.)

EPIDOSE 4:
The scene: It's right before gym class and the students are lined up outside of the gym. Might I add that Gina was fine for the whole half hour before gym class and as happy as could be.

Gina: (sobbing once again) I can't find my little toy owl!
Me: Your toy owl? Where was it?
Gina: In my pocket. I lost it at noon time.
Me: Well, I'll go look for it in the classroom.
Gina: I want to come with you.
Me: No, you need to go to Phys.Ed. I'll look for it.
Gina: Can you bring it to me if you find it?
Me: No, I'll set it on your desk. If I don't find it we'll see if it turns up before you go home. Now take a few deep breaths, and go into the gym.

Gina goes into the gym and turns into a happy 2nd grader.

THE FINAL MAJOR EPISODE:
The scene: The students are getting ready for the bus - all except for Gina. She is standing in the room, wailing at the top of her lungs, mouth gaped open, because she still can't find her owl toy.

Me: Gina, you need to get ready for the bus.
Gina: (continues to wail)
Me: Gina, your toy could be burried under all of the coats. Wait until everyone is ready. We've already looked in your desk and I've looked in the room. It'll turn up sometime.
Gina: (wailing) I need to go check in the French room.
Me: No. Mrs. Sulliven has a class in there right now. You need to calm down and wait until everyone is cleared out of the class as it could be here.
Gina: (continues to wail) I don't want to go on the bus if I can't find it!!
Me: Calm down. Take a few deep breaths. We'll look in the French room when everyone is ready.
Gina: (continues to wail)
Me: (Ignores her until everyone is else ready.)

By this time, EVERY CLASS except mine has gone out to the buses. I have another teacher take her to look in the French room while I take my class out to the bus. Once my kids are loaded, the buses are still put on hold as I literally run into the building to find Gina back in the classroom getting her bookbag and still wailing because she can't find her owl toy.

Me: (very aggrevated) Gina, get ready. The buses are waiting for you. Come on. (I put my arm around her and escort her out of the room)
Gina: (wailing) I don't want to leave without my owl toy!
Me: (stern and forceful) Gina, you are getting on the bus. You'll just have to keep checking lost and found. It could be anywhere.

Gina wailed all the way out to the bus and as she got on the bus. Never in my life have I been so glad to see a child get on the bus. The other episodes didn't frustrate me. It was the last one that did. Let's just say, that I'm glad the Lord has given me a sense of humour, because a teacher needs it.

What a day!

Hodge Podge

2006-03-13T12:00:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting here with a headache, wanting to read and respond to other blogs, but knowing that I have to tend to some other things first, so I apologize to you faithful bloggers if I don't respond to your posts as quickly as I did last week as I will be teaching some this week and organizing my Human Physiology notes for studying. Last week was March Break which meant that I didn't have to teach. I could just study and read blogs. Alas, I just had to post. I've spent the majority of the day getting the apartment back in order. What a job. I managed to get my winter decor - snowmen and all - packed away. I only regret decorating for the seasons when I have to pack it all away and get ready for the next season. My decor grows by the year, and I find that I have less and less room to store it (good thing we have an entry way downstairs with room for storing stuff!). You see, I love to decorate. I'm not talking about cheesy decorating. I'm talking about tasteful home decorating, and with every season, I have to change my decor (apart from spring and summer which I tie together). Spring and summer means colorful flowers, including my favorite - the daisy. Fall means colorful leaves. Winter means snowmen. I have 2-3 totes of Christmas decor alone. I've always enjoyed decorating. Even as a child I used to try and do things for the different times of the year - on a smaller scale of course.

My gums are recovering. I think it's getting easier to chew, but I don't dare get my hopes up. I had to cut up a hamburger on a bun with a fork and knife over the weekend. It just wasn't the same.

My brother and his wife are on their way back from Africa. I can't wait to talk to them. I've been told he's pulled out "hundreds and hundreds of teeth." Can you tell that I'm bursting with pride? I've always been proud of my brother, and now that he and his wife are serving the Lord - wow - my heart really bursts with joy! I love my family!

I received an e-mail from my mom about Dee Dee (the only grandparent I have left). Dee Dee was in the hospital with chest pains and the doctor told her what he's told her before - her heart is wearing out. I'm going to talk to mom tonight to get the full scoop, but my eyes water when I think of anything happening to Dee Dee. I have such fond memories of summers on Grand Manan with Dee Dee and Papa (and of course all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins). Papa is gone, so I can't bear to think of what Grand Manan would be like without Dee Dee.

I wrote my Biology Final yesterday. I feel really good about it, and it's a relief to have that course finished. Now I just need to finish Human Physiology which means another 3-4 weeks of studying (keep in mind I substitute teach, and I'm a very involved pastor's wife). The Lord gave me a song from a CD I was listening too as I was on my way to write the exam. Perhaps one day I'll be brave and get a little more candid about some of the "growth pains" I've been experiencing lately. I realize that growth in God is a good thing, it's just that it is so difficult at times!

I had someone from church "joke" with me yesterday about how I need to gain 10-15 more pounds. I think I really should start keeping a journal specifically for such comments. I could write a book! Hmmm..what could I give it for a title? "How to Keep Your Congregation Happy With Your Appearance: A Helpful Guide for the Pastor's Wife" or how about, "Living In a Glass House: They're not Perfect, but They Expect You To Be." If it's not my weight, it's my hair they comment on. Don't people realize that those are the two things you just don't comment to a woman about unless it's complementary?? My hair is getting longer, and one day a woman said to me, "Your hair is almost all one length. It's so cute when it's short though. I mean, you look cute all of the time, but it's so cute when it's short." Well you and I both know what she was implying. Needless to say, I've made it to the ponytail and hair clip stage which means that I'm letting it grow. I'm so unpredictable when it comes to my hair! Anyways, I try not to let these comments bother me, because I absolutely LOVE my church family. They really have been good to Ben and me. It's just that sometimes you remember those petty comments more than you remember the kind comments. Through it all, the Lord is teaching me that it's the heart that matters, not my outward appearance. "...The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

Well, that's the hodge podge of what has happened these past few days. I'm sure I'll have some good teaching stories by the time this week is out (I'm venturing into a fourth grade class that I've taught for Phys. Ed, but not for a full day in their classroom - oooohhhh - the unknown keeps me on my toes!).

gerber daisy template anyone?

2006-03-11T03:43:00.000-08:00

If anyone out there knows where I can find a template that has gerber daisies on it please let me know as that is what I originally wanted to have as my new template (something with my favorite flower) - if not then I'll just stick with what I have.

milk, music, and finances

2006-03-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

Milk - Am I the only one who has a hard time downing a tall glass of cold milk? I've been trying to drink more milk because it's good for my bones. My mother received a report from the doctor a while ago that she is two times more likely to break a bone if she falls. That reality could be mine when I am older if I do not get enough calcium. I tried this morning. I said to myself, "Sarah, you can do this. Just close your eyes and focus on getting this glass of milk into your body." Try as I did, I couldn't finish the whole thing. I will say that I have made progress though because I used to gag when I tried to drink milk. Then there are those of you who say, "Drink chocolate milk." Yes, chocolate milk is good, but it contains sugar, something that I'm "trying" to have less of (easier said than done for a chocolate adict).

Music - If you've read my husband's blog, you'll see that we've been listening to some "old" tunes. It's amazing how music can take you back to certain times in your life. For example, Audio Adrenaline's "Don't Censor Me" album takes me back to the summer that I met Ben at Beulah Camp. DC Talk's "Free At Last" reminds me of going to youth rallies - my friends and I could sing the whole CD (extra parts and all) without the CD on and we had a blast doing it.

Finances - Those of you who travelled with me on a summer team - you know how annoying I was as a treasurer. Perhaps if you had Ivan Graham sit you down and tell you that last year's summer teams had blown the budget and that the college was counting on you you would've better understood the plight of my agony. Remember when Dave wanted to tip - like what was it - $10.00 or more at a restaurant?! Anyways, I know I was stingy...now I am reliving those days as a married woman. Ben and I have a hard time sticking to our budget. My treasurer days continue to haunt me....oh the agony of it all.

the nagging of the gums

2006-03-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, so my face is getting back to normal. I'm starting to look like myself again. The only thing is that it irritates me to talk and to smile (ironic don't you think because those are the things I do best). It's not so much painful as it is irritating. I'm not sure how to describe it except to say that it's like a constant nagging...of the gums.

Unhappy Scrappy

2006-03-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

Well, what was funny yesterday, is not so funny today. I'm even more swollen - I don't even look like me. I'm starting to bruise, and to make matters worse, I've been sick to my stomach. If it weren't for my husband I'd be pretty miserable. Ben's been looking after me and loving me despite the fact that I look awful. I said to him, "For better or for worse...well, this is the worse." Then I gave him a little chipmunky grin and he smiled back at me. I'll be glad when I can have my face back.

A number of people have called from the church to see how I'm feeling which is really nice. It's feels good to know they care. I even had one woman and her two daughters pop by and give me Ben & Jerry's icecream!! Mmmm...

I finally got to see the new "Pride and Prejudice" movie. I have watched the original one before and enjoyed it, but I really enjoyed this version of it as well. I've watched it twice. I love it! If only I could have hair like Elizabeth Bennett. Wishful thinking I suppose. I thoroughly enjoy movies from that time era, and the piano accompaniment to the movie was beautiful. Mr. Darcy was everything I expected him to be. Perhaps I'm just a hopeless romantic.

Well, I must go put ice packs on my face. Fun fun...

Greetings from "Scrappy"

2006-03-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

O.K. First I want to apologize to everyone who has been trying to read my blog. I don't know why, but for some reason it was just showing up as a blank screen. Thanks to my techy hubby I'm back in the blog world!!

Yesterday I got to experience a couple of "firsts."

The first “first” was meeting my beautiful new nephew. It was so nice to hold little Alexander. I even got to feed him and burp him. He is soooo cute. It was nice to talk with his mommy; my sister-in-law Colleen, and hear about her delivery experience. She is a strong woman, especially since she has to adjust to parenthood the first few weeks alone while her husband Bradley finishes up an RCMP lab training course in Regina. Bradley got to come to see the baby for a few days, and after getting attached to his newborn son, he had to leave for Regina.

The second “first” was getting my wisdom teeth surgically removed. Now, I’ve had one wisdom tooth removed, but the pain from that experience was nothing compared to getting the other three out. The surgery went very well. Dr. Edwards did a great job. I wasn’t nervous, and I was awake for the whole procedure. After the dentist soon realized I was relaxed and easy to joke with, it was smooth sailing. I even laughed (or at least attempted to) during some points in the procedure to which his assistant said, “And she’s not even on laughing gas!” He told me afterwards that I made “a difficult procedure easy.” You see, my bottom wisdom teeth were literally sideways and pushing against my other teeth. After he “got in there” he saw that they were infected and they just didn’t want to come out. They ended up having to come out in very little pieces. Afterwards as I attempted to “talk” to my husband, he had a good laugh at my expense. In fact, he’s still laughing at my expense, and quite frankly, I’ve laughed at myself more than once after looking in the mirror because I look like a chipmunk. Ben says he’s going to call me, “Scrappy.” After the surgery I went to see my brother (who is my regular dentist, but since he isn’t a dental surgeon he referred me to Dr. Edwards) to tell him how it went (he also chuckled at my “chit-chat”), and then I went to Wal-Mart. That’s when the freezing started to wear off and the pain was kicking in. I wanted to get out of there because I was finding it hard to smile. If you know me, you know I’m a smiler. The thought of being in public and not being able to smile???? That’s unthinkable! Anyways, the pain I felt after the freezing left was AWFUL. On the way home I tried to meditate on scripture to take my mind off the pain. It was so hard. When I finally got home, I leaned over the sink and cried. Since then, I’ve been able to “eat” (soup and my favorite – chocolate frozen yogurt – the coolness is nice) and take some pain meds so I’m feeling more like me. Ben has been GREAT. He fixed me my food, picked up something else I needed from the store, and of course, has held my hand and given me hugs. He loves his little “Scrappy” chipmunk! The hardest part is not being able to talk and smile - which are two of my favorite things. I can try to do those things, but they cause me pain.

I was so glad that I got to see Brent and Amanda before they leave for Africa. I’m so excited for them. I’m also excited about something that I got for my sister for her birthday which is today. Normally I’d just get her a card because things are tight financially, but since I’m working some I decided to get her a little something special. You might find it silly if I told you what it was, but it’s something that I know she will appreciate. Since she’s not so thrilled about turning 31 (she certainly doesn’t look 31 and is a beautiful mom of 2 + 1 on the way), I thought what I got might bring a smile to her face.

Anyways, I have a hard time looking in the mirror as I find my face to be very amusing at the moment. Perhaps some of you find my face amusing all of the time. As for Ben, he just smiles and chuckles at me.

2 nieces & a NEW nephew amongst a week of ups and downs

2006-02-27T10:29:00.000-08:00

Last week was one of those up and down kind of weeks. I had something happen that made me feel really down, and then I had something happen that made me feel really excited. The excited portion of my week was when Ben and I found out that we have a new nephew weighing in at 8 lbs. 4 ounces: Alexander Wayne James Canney, whom we’ll be meeting tomorrow for the first time and whom you’ll soon see in pictures on this blog. That means I now have two nieces (Sheridan and Charisma - my cutie pies) along with my new nephew (whom I can hardly wait to get my hands on!). In another month I'll have a fourth child to be an Auntie too as my sister is pregnant!! I love being an aunt. The sad portion of my week is something I’d prefer to not go into, but let’s just say that the Lord is still teaching me and helping me to better understand some things.

This week I’m not sure what to expect – except for knowing that tomorrow I get to see my nephew, and I get to have my wisdom teeth surgically removed. I look forward to meeting my nephew more so than meeting my dental surgean. My brother and his wife Amanda are also leaving for Africa on a missions trip which I’m super excited about. He’s going to do dental work, and Amanda, who is a nurse, will assist the medical team that they are traveling with through World Hope.

One thing is for certain this week, that despite how I’m feeling, or what happens to me, God is in control and He can see the bigger picture.

crazy life

2006-02-17T16:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm in the midst of giving my blog a make-over and trying to get back on the blogging track. It hasn't been easy. Life keeps throwing curve-balls at me. I haven't been able to schedule and write my finals because I've been busy substitute teaching, and when I'm not at work my evenings have been booked too. Another recent event, in which I will not go into detail, has resulted in me having to play the piano more at church which has resulted in something else to consume my thoughts and time. I'm also waiting to hear news of a new niece or nephew being born on the Canney side (Ben's brother Brad and his wife Colleen are now overdue with a blessing soon to make an appearance).

I've discovered that I enjoy being a Phys.Ed teacher. This past week I've substitute taught for kindergarten and first grade Phys.Ed, and another week prior I taught Phys.Ed for the other grades. It's not something I'd most likely want to do everday, but there's something about having a whistle around my neck that makes me feel empowered! The funny thing is, I never really was much of an athlete!

Anyways, sorry for taking so long to get back to the blogging world. I look forward to seeing what everyone else has been doing while I've been in my own little crazy world.

Need I Say More?

2006-02-02T09:58:00.000-08:00

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Annual Tradition

2006-01-10T16:39:00.000-08:00

This is the 6th year we've made our gingerbread house. We didn't really go "all out" this year, but next year we intend on making one from scratch.

New Year...New Blogging Habits...One Can Only Hope

2006-01-10T07:34:00.000-08:00

Well, if you've checked out my blog - Way to be. I know it's been a long time since I last blogged and since I've read and responded to many of your blogs. I'm surprised you haven't give up on me :) It's not that I haven't wanted to blog or respond to blogs, it's just that once again, my crazy academic/youth pastor's wife life has been consuming my time along with my desire to get caught up in the Harry Potter series. So, I'll try to give you an update of what's been happening in my life.

University - The end is in site. I can almost taste it, but I still have some major assignments and studying to do before the month is out. I finished my student teaching and achieved my goal. I won't go into detail about other things that happened which confirmed to me even more that I'm doing what the Lord wants at the present time, but let's just say that I'm humbled that the Lord has given me the ability to work with children in a school setting.

Christmas - It was wonderful. Christmas day was by far one of my most memorible. The snow was falling and provided perfect snowman material. So, my two nieces: Sheridan (age 4) and Charisma (going on 2) went outside with Papa, Grampy, Daddy, Uncle Ben, and Aunt Sarah (the photographer). I'm still trying to figure out how I can turn the picture around so that you can see it on the blog because it is priceless. Let's just say that we're not sure who had more fun - the men, or the girls. It took all four of the men to lift some of the snowballs onto the snowman, and a ladder to finish Mr.Snowman off.

Ministry - Since Ben has come back from his trip to Pittsburg, I've seen a big change in him. He opened up to me about some major areas in his life, and he's been doing some major thinking about what it is that the Lord wants him to do with his life. I can't go into detail, but I can say that I'm amazed at how he is growing in his walk with Christ and in his leadership abilities. We have a lot of praying to do, and I am anxious to see what the Lord has in store for us.

Marriage - Things are WONDERFUL. Let's just say that six years of dating paid off, because we rarely have a disagreement, and when we do, it's solved before we go to sleep at night. Of course, with me being a peace maker it would have to be or else I wouldn't get any sleep! (If you know me, you know that I don't like conflict.) It's amazing how you can know someone for so long, and still find out things you never knew about them everyday. Ben has to be one of the most patient men I know, and I am so blessed to call him my husband, my lover, my friend. We have no children just yet, but someday, Lord willing, I hope that I can have the title of "mom."

Wisdom Teeth - Well, the end is near for those ugly teeth that could cause me problems in the near future. I'm going to have surgery to have them removed which I am not looking forward too. They asked me if I wanted to have laughing gas, but since I was told I would be in "happy land", and I already laugh a lot, I decided that I wanted to be in my right mind when I was opperated on. I've had dental surgery before though, so I know what it's like to be given needle, after needle, after needle...fun times ahead.

Harry Potter - So I'm finally caught up, and wow. My mind has been realing since I finished the most recent book trying to figure out some things. I won't go into detail, because the book was already spoiled for me from reading other blogs who didn't forwarn me of the information. Let's just say I stayed up until 2 AM to finish it believing I wouldn't get a phone call to teach school because it was the first day back and - who's sick on the first day back to school? I received a phone call at 6:30 AM - Four and a half hours later after going to bed - to believe it or not - teach! Serves me right. I hadn't realized how much I missed getting caught up in a good novel because I've been so busy reading university texts, but at last, I can set aside some time to get lost in someone else's life.

Well that sums it up for now. Like I say, this next month I'm going to be under a lot of pressure, but when it's over, I look forward to getting more involved in your lives once again. Please accept my apologies.

Sarah :)

What's in a Name?

2005-12-08T16:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is me procrastinating from doing Human Physiology. (Sarah Graham procrastinating?! Shame shame I know). Two blogs in one day. If you still pop by to check on me I know you'll be shocked. I just had to write a quick blog before I forgot because it's just too cute. My sister is expecting her third baby in March, and my four year old niece (whom my sister was expecting when I travelled on summer team over four years ago) has some names picked out for the baby. Remember, she's four.

If the baby is a girl:
- Cinderella
- Snow White
- Ariel (Little Mermaid)

If the baby is a boy:
- Papa
- Grampy
- Uncle Brent
- Uncle Ben

Okay, I'm leaving now. Hurray for human physiology and the hypothalamic-pituitary adrenal axis. Oh how my life has been enriched. (Note the sarcasm folks.)

It's been awhile...

2005-12-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I confess...it has been awhile since I've blogged. Not because I have no desire to blog, but simply because the world of student teaching, Human Physiology, and Biology, as well as church ministry have been consuming me. I looked at Ben today and said, "It feels like we're just roomates in our own little routine." We say hello in the morning, go to work, and then we're at home in the evening and I either have my face stuck in a book or I'm in front of the computer trying to work on lesson plans and assignments. Things are really tight right now. I won't tell you how much is in the bank, but I believe our marriage is more important than money, and so tomorrow night we're going on a much needed date.

Things are going very well at school, but I'll be honest in saying I'm anxious to finish. I'm loving working with this age group. Here are a few amusing stories from kindergarten:

One day a little boy just couldn't keep his socks on inside of his winter boots. I'd help him put his boots on, and then when he started walking to go outside his socks would slip off inside of his boot. He came to me once again, and so I said to him, "Alright, this time this sock's going to stay on whether he likes it or not." Then I addressed the sock in typical Sarah-like fashion, "Alright. Listen here Mr. Sock. You're going to stay on this foot whether you like it or not." The little boy smiled and his eyes glistened as I said to him, "Do you suppose Mrs. Canney could tape that sock on and make him stay." Once again the little boy's eyes lit up and he said to me, "Yeah. He must be a bad sock. He just won't stay on." So sure enough, I rolled his pant leg, pulled his sock up over it, and then used masking tape to wrap around it. It may have seemed silly, but at the end of noonhour, his sock was still on his foot. The one that wasn't taped on was in his hand because it fell off.

I've discovered that when working with kindergarten I talk in the third person a lot. Why? I don't know. Case in point, "Mrs. Canney has to finish helping Emma and then she'll be able to help you." or "Mrs. Canney has to go wash her hands."

One litte boy made it to school before me one day and he was so proud of himself he said, "I beated you Mrs. Canney." He's so cute I could bring him home with me.

When practicing for the Christmas play, Mrs. Hansen said, "And at this point, the angels will come in." (We're doing the manger scene). One little boy was so excited he exclaimed, "AND BATMAN?!" To which Mrs. Hansen replied, "Ah, no. Batman wasn't there." He was slightly disappointed.

Those of you who know me know that at times I sing about anything. Usually my songs are silly. In kindergarten it usually happens when I'm helping the kids to get ready to go outside. "You're silly Mrs. Canney," one little girl said. I think she's right.

We've had students out with chicken pox every week.

I think I have a third grade fan club. I have to be careful in the hallways for fear I'll get swarmed with hugs (The third grade class I taught likes to see me.)

Well, that's all for now. The tree is up and the house is decorated for Christmas. Ben lets me go to it as he really isn't into decorating and he finds tree decorating tedious. He liked putting up the mistletoe though. Go figure :)

Since the hair blog, I'll let you know that at least for now, I'm letting it grow. I'll keep you posted. Not that you actually care, but hey, it's my blog so I can talk about it if I want, and I know you have similar issues with your hair.

Thanks for checking in folks.

Do I really pull punches?

2005-11-28T15:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I saw this on Jo's blog and I just had to try it.

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable.
You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Some Kind of Normal

2005-11-09T20:08:00.000-08:00

I'd like my life to return to some kind of normal again. The kind of normal where I can pick and choose a work day, the kind of normal where I can be content to sit at home on a rainy afternoon and read a book and then bake some chocolate chip cookies, the kind of normal where I can practice piano, spend time with other people without school looming over my head. The kind of normal where I can chat with my sister on the phone for an afternoon and then go over to her house to play with her children to give her a break for being such a great mom. That's the normal when my niece Sheridan asks, "Aunt Sarah, do you want to come over to play with me tomorrow?" and I can say, "Yes. I'd love to!" I want the normal that's sipping hot chocolate while relaxing with my husband. I want the normal that is being busy with church, and the normal that is organizing things at home. As crazy as that normal could be, it's better than what I am currently experiencing.

I absolutely LOVE my student teaching experience. That in and of itself is not what is stressing me out. It's the correspondence courses that I'm working on: Biology and Human Physiology. They have nothing to do with what I'm going to teach in elementary, but everything to do with me receiving my teaching certification and graduating in May. They consume my evenings, my thoughts, my weekends (when I'm not doing the Pastor's wife thing). They are like a constant weight that I carry. "Only a few more months" I keep telling myself, "Keep going. Keep working. You can do this. It'll be worth it in the end."

Time is short, and right now, I don't feel like I have much time for anything or anyone. This frustrates me. I love spending time with people - this I've always known but have realized more as school has consumed me these past few months.

I look forward to some kind of normal. In the meantime, I'm clinging to God to give me the strength and determination to finish this part of my journey well.

Bye Bye Third Grade! Hello Kindgergarten!

2005-10-31T16:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, so today was my first day in kindergarten. I must admit after teaching two digit addition with regrouping, plants, and how to write stories, it was a little different to be playing color shape Bingo, word bingo, and helping students spell the word "it" among other things. I've had experience in kindergaren before though, so give my mind (and body) a few days to make the transition and we'll be good to go.

This past Friday was my last day with third grade. They gave me a huge card with hand-written notes in it just for me. Being the sap that I am, I told them I would'nt be able to read it in class for fear I'd start crying. The little guy that managed to crack me up on a daily basis gave me a present: a "teacher nut." It's this cute little figurine - a walnut with peanut feet and features that make it look like a teacher. How fitting. I got a nut, from a nut. I told him I'd set it in my kitchen. "Everytime I look at it, I'll think of you." I will too. I'm going to miss those kids...and yet, I know I'll get just as attached to the children in kindergarten.

Last week I had a third grader cry over not being able to find her sneakers. Today I had a kindergarten child cry over not being able to find her sneakers. What will tomorrow hold?? Children filled with Halloween candy that's what.

My Stupid Hair Dilemma

2005-10-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

I have this constant issue with my hair. I can't just keep it one way - you know - short or long.

If you were to look at pictures of me all through grade school and college, my hair styles were constantly changing. In fact, when someone watched the PowerPoint for our wedding they joked, "Look, it's Ben with a different woman every time!"

I get my hair cut, and then I wish it were long, so I grow it out. Then I wish it were short, so I get it cut. Then I regret getting it cut after working so hard to grow it out. And so, my stupid hair dilemma continues.

My husband says I look beautiful both ways, but he prefers my hair short. The funny thing is, he "fell" for me when it was long, and then when I first got it cut in high school (and it wasn't half as short as it is now), he didn't know what to think!

My best friend Amanda likes my hair long.

Someone in my church apparently likes my hair tucked behind my ears because otherwise, my face looks "long and drawn out" - (yeah, that's a nice classic comment I want to remember).

I've tried to evaluate the pros and cons of having short hair and long hair. Perhaps I'm just being stupid. In fact, this post contains nothing profound. It's a vain post, a stupid post, about my hair dilemma. Why can't I just decide what I prefer and leave it that way?

It's funny really, how hair can change a person's appearance and how people all have their own preferences when it comes to hair.

It could be worse. I could be bald.

And so, my stupid hair dilemma continues.

Return of the Hubby

2005-10-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

Ben returned home yesterday, and I was so thankful that God brought him safely back to me.

We decided to go to the gas station to get some munchies and then curl up on the couch so he could fill me in on his incredible trip with Mark, Brandon, and Tim. Sure enough, we walk out of the apartment, down the steps, and to the car only to discover...we BOTH left our keys IN the apartment. Now this would normally not be a problem as we have a spare key (which I might add we invested in after Ben had locked himself out of the apartment on numerous other occassions - LOL), but Ben had used the spare key to get in as I had been out while he returned home, and he didn't put it back in its "safe place." What to do? What to do? My heart sank as I pictured us spending our evening trying to get back in the apartment. Then a wonderful idea came to me - the window in the living room has a cable going through it, so Ben could easily open it if he had a ladder to climb up to it. (For the record, Ben loves heights, and I'm learning to love them for his sake.) So that's what he did! Phew! The evening was now back on schedule.

Later, as I sat on the couch listenig to Ben share about his experience, a part of me envied everything that I felt I missed out on, but then the thought occurred to me. He needed to be there without me. He needed to be with his brothers in Christ in order for the Lord to teach him what he needed to be taught at this particular point in his life. Apart from each other, God was able to have our full attention and show us what we needed to be shown. Although my experience at home with God seemed to me to be small in comparison to what Ben experienced, it was what I needed. Both Ben and I have made changes in our lives since we've been apart. Now together, those changes will enrich our marriage and enrich our ministry.

Ben returned home yesterday, and God and I smiled.

Home Alone

2005-10-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

I've been home alone for the past five days. I'm not really a big fan of being home alone.

It started on Wednesday. Normally, I'd be at school, but I ended up sick with the flu, so I was home when my husband headed for Ontario with his buddies Mark and Tim to meet up with Brandon. Ben phoned me that night to let me know he had made it safely thus far and mentioned some sort of tree adventure in Quebec. Because I was sick, I was extra sad when I got off of the phone. After only eating toast all day (bleach) because I lacked an appetite, I went to bed and prayed that the Lord would be my comfort. I woke up twice in the night and was sick to my stomach, but I can honestly say I could feel the Lord's presence as I woke up both times. He was my comfort.

Thursday I was bound and determined to go to school. I still lacked an appetite, but I felt more like myself. I ended up assisting with marking math assessments so I had a break from the classroom. The children missed me and I missed them. I was invited out for supper, but I couldn't eat very much. After I went home to an empty apartment and I cleaned with vigour in hopes of pleasing my husband when he returns on Tuesday. That night I asked the Lord to protect me and be with me once again. This time I slept through the night - rested and refreshed. He was my protection.

Friday I had a great day at school. Once again I came home to an empty apartment. I was invited out for supper, and I had a great time of fellowship. Then I went home and baked goodies for my husband (he likes his goodies frozen), so when he returned he'd have a treat (other then seeing his wife of course). Ben phoned me and filled me in on the amazing conference he's enjoying with his friends. He went to a marriage and ministry seminar and said we'd discuss some things when he returned. That night I went to bed with a heart aching for my husband, but I asked the Lord to hold me and to be with me through the night. I woke up feeling rested. He was my strength.

Saturday I did school work all day. In the evening I went to a Harvest Supper at the church which turned out to be a Pastor Appreciation thing as well. I sat at a special table with my sister and her husband (who is the Senior pastor at our church) and their two little girls while people said nice things about us. It was touching, but it was so hard without Ben there. He really could've used some of those nice words of encouragement. I went home to an empty house, and opted to go to Fort Fairfield to get some gas and visit my friends Wes and Melinda who are also in ministry. Then I returned to Perth in the pouring rain. That night I asked God to keep watch over me. I woke up at 5:00 AM to the sound of thunder and lightening, and so it wasn't long before I just lay there and had a talk with God. He was my company.

Today I went to church. Someone else was leading the singing. I got to have a break. I was feeling good until someone asked me if I've been sick because it looked as though I've lost weight. I told them I was sick this week, but I hadn't lost weight. I felt upset, disappointed. It was only a few weeks ago that someone at school told me I looked really good and that I must take good care of myself by eating right. Then I walk into God's house and something is said that makes me think, "Do I look sickly?" (Just so you know, I've been commented to about my weight - or apparantly "lack there of" before). I talked to my sister and then later my Dad about this, and they encouraged me. Now I sit here, lonely. I'll have a long talk with God about this when I'm ready. Most likely that'll be tonight after church. I'll ask him to take away what I'm feeling, and to fill my heart with understanding. He'll smile, as He always does, and say to me, "Sarah, you're beautiful the way you are. I made you just the right size for just the right reasons. Don't let Satan take those comments of concern that people offer and twist them to make you feel downhearted. You are a child of the King. Hold your head high." And so, he'll be my source of encouragement and peace.

I've been home alone for the past five days...or have I?

God and I have been home together for the past five days. It has been good for our relationship. It has reminded me that He is my first love. I'm still lonesome for my husband, but I'm so thankful that I have God to keep me company.

Stories from the 3rd grade

2005-10-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today was pajama day at school. I thought for sure that the students would be super-excited and hyper active - ready to give me a run for the money (that, I might add, I'm not making but currently PAYING for this opportunity). I turned out to be very surprised. I think the pajamas actually put them (at least for the better part of the day) in a "mellow" state because they were so comfortable. One little guy had snakes and frogs all over his jammies. Too cute.

There's another little guy in the class who is so funny and adorable, I could practically take him home with me (although after awhile he'd probably tire me out). He smiles a lot, and he's so full of energy. I know you're not supposed to have favorites, and there's something about each one of my students that I love and appreciate, but I just have to let you in on some of the things this little guy has done:

1. While learning about the Continents in Social Studies, he asked "How do people in Antarctica keep from falling off of the world if they're at the bottom of it?"

2. He snuck a grasshoper into school after recess and put it in a zip-lock bag with his grapes in his desk. At this time I was still observing, and I had no idea that he had it. A little girl came back to tell me, and sure enough, I stood up to see him peek in his desk, make the grasshopper hop, and then sit back up to listen to my cooperating teacher. Needless to say, he had to set the hopper free, and we had a good laugh about it.

3. We're learning about seeds in Science, and he told me that he planted some apple seeds at home in hopes that an apple tree will grow. He said to me, "Mom said it is my responsibility to look after it and water it."

4. One day, during indoor recess, he was making armpit noises. I said to him, "You're not allowed to do that in here." He told me that he could do it outside at recess time, but I quickly said, "That's outside. In my classroom there are to be no armpit noises." (Inside I was laughing because it really was kind of amusing to see. LOL). The next day while I was checking homework he said to me, "Mrs. Canney, my mom told me that I can't make armpit noises at home either." I said, "I'm right there with her." "What does that mean?" he replied. To which I responded, "It means that I agree with her."

5. He is an intelligent kid, but he has a tendency to rush while doing his work. For reading logs, we give the kids letter grades. He said to me, "My dad said that if I ever get a "C" again on a reading log, he's going to tell you to keep me in all recess."

6. He usually has to write out the talking rules for me or my cooperating teacher at recess everyday because he's such a social bug - he has a hard time keeping his mouth closed in class.

7. I think in some ways, he reminds me of Ben - as strange as that may sound.

Oh, and I have to tell you about a tall tale that another little boy told us in class one day. While talking about cows, he told the class that he rescued 160 dairy cows from a cornfield maze with his dog. Priceless.

The Water Spiller Strikes Again

2005-10-03T16:32:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I really thought that I had made it through a whole 7 days without spilling water. I was so excited. I could taste the victory...and then...it happened. Ben and I had our friend Lauralynn over to help us eat roasted chicken and other "yummy in my tummy" foods (including a poor squash that turned out to be the wetest squach I've ever had in my life). I stood up to clear the table and as I picked up my glass, it "jumped" out of my hand. I don't know how it happened! It's like the water and glass had a committe meeting and decided amongst themselves that I was not going to have a successful week without spilling water. And so it happened - the glass slipped and the water ran all over the table screaming, "I'm free! I'm free! I'm free from the confines of the glass! I will not go into Sarah's belly! I've just made her look like a clutz!"

Needless to say, there was much laughter.

A Jumble of Thoughts

2005-10-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

These past four weeks have been great in the classroom, but I've found that in all areas of my life I have struggled to find balance and consistency. Somewhere along the way I managed to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, and it's taking its toll on me. I'm tired. I go to work. I come home and lack the desire whatsoever to prepare supper or help straighten up the home. I struggle to keep my eyes awake while I work on my correspondence courses. Then I go to bed to wake up and do it all over again. What's missing? Lack of reliance upon God - that's what. I'm trying to do everything in my own power. About a month ago, the Lord enabled me to reevalualte everything that I've been doing and to simplify my life. I'm still working on that one. The pressures of trying to do it all as a Pastor's wife have been a struggle, but I am slowly making peace with that one. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that I can't please everyone. I can't live my life for other people. I can't do everything.

I've also come to another conclusion. I really look forward to being a homemaker. Don't get me wrong - I love to teach, and I believe I have a gift for it, but should the Lord ever bless me with children, I really look forward to staying at home with them when they are little. I look forward to doing the mom thing. I look forward to baking cookies, having family meals, playing lego, and going to soccer games. I look forward to singing lullibies, cleaning house, and making my home a haven. Some women can manage to balance work and home, but I find that at the end of a teaching day, I'm so tired - I can't imagine spending more time at home with kids! Chances are once my children are all in school, I'll either teach or substitute teach, but when they're little, I'd like to be at home with them. My mom gave up her teaching career for me, and she's one of my best friends. Some people might say - "What a waste. She graduated at the top of her class in high school and college. She was a recipient of the Governor General's medal. She won speech, singing, and drama competitions. She could really go places." Really though, does anyone remember those accomplishments? Sure my family does, but those accomplishments are here and then they are gone. I'm proud of those accomplishments, but I don't wear a badge that tells everyone what I've done or where I've been in life. When I achieved those accomplishments I had a feeling of great joy and success. Lately I've really been thinking about this. Rather than be defined by wordly ambitions and accomplishments, I'd like to be defined as a woman after God's own heart. A woman who lived with strong convictions. A woman who passionately served the Lord, her husband, her family, and her family in Christ. Now those are things that will last. Those are things that are eternal. I can't take my GPA or my medals to Heaven, but I can take my family with me. There is a part of me that wonders if I don't work when I have children, that I will miss an opportunity and that I will have a harder time getting back into the system to teach once they are in school, but then there is a part of me that says, "Follow your heart. Trust the Lord, and He will look after you." I guess if I knew all of the answers I wouldn't really be living by faith.

Student Teaching the second time around...

2005-09-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

This past month I've been student teaching for the second time. I've experienced a roller coaster ride of emotions concerning this. For those of you who don't know, I student taught as part of my degree from Bethany Bible College, and then I taught at Greater Houlton Christian Academy for a year while my then husband-to-be finished school. I was offered a position to stay on at the school, but I wanted to settle into married life. After getting married in June of 2003, I substitute taught and volunteered at the local elementary school here in Perth-Andover. Being in the classroom gave me a hunger to further my education so that I could have the option of teaching full time in the public school, so last year I went to the University of Maine in Presque Isle to take the extra courses I needed, and now here I am, student teaching for the second time.

There is a part of me that has battled with why I have to student teach again. Apart from the fact that people want my money, to me there seems to be no logical reason as to why I should have to go through this process after having done it before and after having had my own class. If someone would have observed me in the classroom and talked with my former boss, they would have soon discovered that I can handle a class of students on my own. This was confirmed to me this past week when my supervisor came to observe me teach for the first time. "Had I observed you before observing some of the other student teachers I'm currently observing, I would have expected more from them. You've set the bar high. You're on your way to becoming an awesome teacher." My cooperating teacher has also confirmed this to me. "You have excellent classroom management skills. That only comes with experience, and you've had that."

I am so thankful that my experience is evident, and I am grateful that the Lord has enabled me to see that I do have a gift for teaching.

I say these things not to say that I know all there is about teaching. To be truthful, I have learned even more the second time around, and I am working with an incredible teacher whom I have much respect for. I also have a love for the students in my current classroom, and I will have a hard time making a transition in another month to another grade. I know that I've been placed in this school, for this time, in this classroom, for a reason. I refuse to let the enemy affect my attitude about having to do this again. My co-workers and my students deserve the best of me and the best that I have to give.

God sees the bigger picture. I just have to take things one snap-shot at a time.