Certainties and Uncertainties

Sitting in a booth at the Big Stop after a long day at work, my husband Ben and I sit facing each other waiting for an order of soup and chicken nachos. He can hardly wait to tell me his exciting news. I wait, bracing myself for what he will say. You see, Ben is a dreamer and a thrill seeker. I, on the other hand, am not. Yes, I can dream, but my dreams are more, shall we say, realistic? As for “thrills,” the type of thrills I derive are from a trip to the mall, a walk to get ice cream, or a day at the beach. The “thrill” type experiences that Ben enjoys involve heights, heights, and heights. I have tried rock wall climbing and have overcome my fear of heights because of Ben. I have yet to repel down a cliff, but he and his friend Tim are bound and determined to get me there.

Ben proceeded to tell me that he is going to become a certified scuba diver thanks to a man who goes to the Baptist church offering him a deal he can't refuse. So my husband is not only going to repel off of cliffs, he’s going to swim under water with the fish. Now his thrills involve heights and depths. I, on the other hand, will continue to be the observer, although I must admit that I think I’ll find the scuba gear more amusing than then the climbing gear.

After his exciting news I preceded to tell him about my uncertainties with a job for the fall. I’ve been fortunate to have a year contract, but with teachers who have better contracts returning from maternity leave and such, it’s hard to know whether or not I’ll have full time work. I love being a teacher. I take great pride in investing myself in children. I’ve become very attached to my group of 24 this year. Like he usually does, Ben just looked at me and loved me saying, “You need to put everything in God’s hands. Look at how He’s provided for us this year.” And God has. Ben’s loan was paid off at the end of 2006. Mine will be paid off in June of this year along with the car. After one year of teaching we will be debt free. That’s something only the Lord could do because He enabled me to receive a job in September after I just received my BEd. So why should I worry about tomorrow? Why should I be so anxious after all He has done for me? He knows what the future holds. He knows whether or not I should have full time work teaching in the Fall, and if not, then He knows that there are students who I need to be in contact with while substitute teaching.

And so, while I learn to wait on the Lord, I’ll enjoy the amusement He sends my way through my 24 (or should I say 25…Ben??) kids.

A Sobering Day

It was a bitter cold wind. Tired I stood clutching the hand of my husband and wiping back tears as the military soldiers took the casket out of the hearse and lifted it onto their shoulders. Step by step, they gently carried it to its final resting place. As the wind whipped my hair and tousled my skirt, I remember thinking that it wasn’t so bad standing in that wind. I was alive. I am alive. Silence. Nobody said a word. We just stood and watched. From a distance I could see the casket over the crowd of people, and then it was lowered. Amazing grace played by the bagpipes. More silence, but I knew from afar the last words were being said as a soldier was being laid to rest. Taps played on the bugle. Silence. Gun solutes.

I never knew Cpl. Aaron E. Williams personally. I know his mom. She works as a Teacher’s Aid at my school, and she is one of the most delightfully people you could meet. She wore red every Friday – even around St. Patrick’s Day. “I’m supporting my boy,” she said proudly. He was her youngest. Her only son among four children. Cpl. William’s dad is a bus driver for our community schools.

23 years old. Prior to standing outside in the cold I sat through a memorable service for a man whom I would have liked to have met. He was to be married in October to his high school sweetheart. As his parents and fiancé walked by me at the beginning of the service, Cpl. William’s 2 ½ year old blond haired little angel was hanging on to her grampy’s neck. Does she understand? How do you tell a 2 ½ year old girl that daddy isn’t going to be home again? Who’s going to teach her how to ride a bike? Who will protect her from those sneaky teenage boys? Who will give her away when she is to be married?

My trials seem so small when I think about that 2 ½ year old little girl. I still have my dad, my mom, my whole family. I know I will wonder about her for the rest of my life, and in turn remember her father, the man whom she could’ve known, but didn’t get to know.

He didn’t have to go to Afghanistan. He volunteered to go. I am thankful for him and the others who have given their lives to fight for freedom and a better world. As I sit in my warm cushy apartment praying for a better world, men and women are out there risking their lives trying to make it a better one.

I was reminded today that life is short. Live each day to the fullest.

Teacher Anxiety Dreams and My New Student

Well, last night I had what I refer to as "Teacher Anxiety Dreams." In my first dream, my new student showed up at school as a grown man, taller than me, and I was standing there wondering, "How in the world am I going to handle this one?" In my second dream, my new student came in and he wanted to teach the class. I let him do so and things got out of hand, so I had to try and regain control of the class to which he replied, "This is going to be booooooooooring."

I walked into my class today to find a short 9 year old boy with glasses, and I immediately knew that my anxiety dreams were (as usual) just that - foolish worry over nothing. He is highly intelligent as they told me, and he is as cute as a button. Despite his immaturity during class (not staying on task while working independently in math - stretching and the like, and trying to keep his nose stuck in a book - he's reading at grade 11 level if not highter), I can't help but like the kid and his silly mannerisms. I think the class gets a kick out of him too. He dropped his pencil and it broke somehow to which he exlaimed, "OH NO! My pencil fell apart!" My favorite was when I asked him if his last name was spelled correctly off the top of my head for information on the computer and he said, "Whoa! How were you able to spell my last name so fast?" In some ways his overenthusiasm reminds me of myself at times - of course - I am just getting to know the kid, so as the days go by I'll have a better idea of what I'm in for, but I think I'm in for a treat.

A Few Happenings in My Life...

Well I found out that UMPI is now offering a Masters program. It sounds like it will be a flexible one (after school hours) for those who teach full time. This might be something I possibly pursue depending on some other things that I've been waiting on the Lord for, so I guess in prayer, time will certainly tell.

I had a tough day today at school. Yesterday was parent-teacher which made for a long day - of course the parents that I wanted to see didn't show up. My day ended with me finding out that I'll be receiving a new student - but he's supposed to be in fourth grade. It's a long story - one which I don't want to recount right now. New students make me nervous - especially at this point in the year - I really like my classroom dynamics - and one student can change everything. I'm told he's highly intelligent but very busy...Hmm...Perhaps I'll keep you posted.

My piano is now tuned - Hip! Hip! HOORAY! I haven't had it tuned since we moved in here four years ago - I've been holding out hoping that we'd find a bigger place - shame on me. The Lord has taught me how to be content with my little abode, and so it was time for a tuning (on my piano that is). Dan the piano man did a good job as always.

I just got off the phone with a friend about a prayer request. My heart's a bit heavy.

I'm going to get ready for bed because it's been a very long day.

My Celebrity Look-alikes

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

5 Things

1. I'm officially hooked on Facebook. I love it! I'm still trying to convince Ben to join.
2. I tried out the celebrity look-a-likes thing after reading Mark and Liz's blogs. Believe it or not, Kayne West was one of my so called look alikes, but I opted to post the women look alikes instead.
3. I have math and spelling tests to mark, but I'm procrastinating (shame shame)
4. I love eating Big Turks.
5. Only 3 months left of school before summer vacation - woo hoo! I love my students, but I'm ready for a break.