Isn't it Ironic?

Friday my husband and I were driving home pondering what the doctor had said. We were feeling down. Once again I thought I had it figured out with regards to the next step for my health. I thought that I could have the endometriosis removed even though it would most likely grow back. Instead, my options were: drugs, referral to Halifax in which they'll most likely say "You're great candidates for In Vitro" , or just wait. Just wait. This seems to be a common theme in my life lately. I told him to put my name on the waiting list for Halifax. We're not into in vitro, but we figure it wouldn't hurt to get another opinion. I am going to take some steps with regards to eating habits based on the books I'm reading. This will not be an easy task by any means, but I have to tell myself it could be the difference between health and sickness as my endo does cause me some problems at the most inconvenient times. Pregnancy or not, I do intend on being a mom, and I want to be a healthy one.

The silence in the vehicle was broken by a telephone call. That same day my sister had a doctor's appointment in Fredericton as well - only for something different - for her pregnancy. That same day - the day I was told that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant naturally, she was going into labor. She was having a baby. As we headed for my brother's house where the family was gathering, I couldn't help but marvel at the irony of it all. My sadness was turned into excitement as I set aside my brokenness for her happiness.

Ryan was home sick with the flu, so I got to go to the hospital with Maridel and mom. It really was quite comical- my sister-in-law, mother, and I were more dramatic than my sister who was in the midst of pregnancy! I went to keep my father-in-law company in the waiting room while my mom stayed with my sister in the delivery room. I thought it was going to be all night and that I could pop back in later, but within 15 minutes of me leaving, Tyson Eugene Farrell made an entrance into the world at 7 lbs 1 ounce. As I looked at the beautiful bundle resting with his beaming mother, I couldn't help but praise God. Maridel looked radiant. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes sparkled. After having three lovely daughters she now had a son.

Earlier that day I said something to my specialist. I said something that I knew I had to say because I believe the Lord put him in my pathway for a reason. Tearfully I told him why Ben and I really weren't into drugs or in vitro. I told him about my belief in Christ and about how I believed that if God wanted me pregnant He would allow it to be so, but if not, He must want us to adopt. I then told the specialist about my sister and about my brother who both have children and I said to him, "I wouldn't have it any other way. If it had to be one of us in this position, I'm glad it's me." I'll leave you to imagine his response. Apart from telling some family, I'm still pondering it in my heart.

On the way home, Ben told me that hidden away in one of his drawers is a pregnancy Willow Tree figurine that he bought nearly 3 years ago, and so, for now, tucked away it will remain. Perhaps it will signify me someday, or perhaps it will signify the woman who gives up a child for us to adopt.

Friday, May 9th: My nephew's birthday and the day that I finally let go and realized I may never give birth. Ironic. Don't you think?