Adoption Update

Lots going on - substitute teaching and PRIDE (Provincial Adoption/Foster care classes) take up most of my time along with other commitments. Here's the latest update: www.canneyland.wordpress.com There are some crucial things to pray about so please check it out!

For the Love of Teaching

I love teaching. I love walking into the classroom and having the privilege of shaping young minds. I love knowing that there's power in words and that what I say can make a child's day and encourage a sense of self worth. I love receiving hugs and being followed on the playground. I love working with children, and I feel especially blessed to be receiving at lot of work at a nearby elementary school.

Today I was followed by a little guy who must be after my own heart. He is in grade 2. If any of you know me well, you know I love to make up songs. I could hardly believe my ears today when while strolling out onto the playground he said, "Mrs. Canney, I love making up songs. Would you like to make up some songs with me?"

"Sure," I replied, and so, as we patrolled the playground, we sang about soccer, we sang about the weather, we sang about children. It was great! A little girl in kindergarten joined us and scampered about picking up garbage, and before long, we had a following of different children holding hands and hopping along.

When you love what you're doing for a profession, it really doesn't seem like work. Yes, teaching does have its stresses, and there are times when you're fighting cold and flu because you're with kids all the time, but it's so rewarding. For me, teaching isn't just a profession; it's a passion. It's a part of who I am.

For the love of teaching I am willing to take those early morning phone calls, work with different children in different schools, and try to work my way into another district. At first it was frustrating trying to find an "in," but praise be to God, He is opening doors and enabling me to see that substitute teaching may not be such a bad option for me at this time. I haven't got everything figured out yet, but like everyone else, I'm taking things one day at a time. I am grateful for God's favor and provision, and I feel blessed that He has equipped me with the ability to teach.

Quick Update

**update on adoption blog: www.canneyland.wordpress.com**

I will be writing about some things pertaining to other things in my life soon, but since the adoption seems to be occupying a lot of my life write now, that's what I'm mostly writing about. I have started substitute teaching again, so that should allow for some fun stories soon. It certainly is great to be back in the classroom!!

Just to Let You Know...

*I've updated our adoption blog: www.canneyland.wordpress.com

*I'm finished working at Bethany.

*I'm going to Boston to hear Rob Bell this month. Ben and I will be traveling with Mike and Colleen MacNeil and then enjoying the weekend in Boston. Woot! Woot!

*I'm officially a substitute teacher in School District 6.

*I'm grateful for God's blessings in my life.

Hello Uncertainty!

Okay, so I'm about to embark into some unfamiliar territory in more ways than one. First, unemployment. I'm hoping I wont' have to rely on this, but considering the numbers for Ben's salary alone just don't add up I need to investigate this should I not get the substitute teaching I had hoped for. However, I hope to prevent this by going to meet some principals after I'm completed at BBC a week from today. That being said, I am embarking into more unfamiliar territory. A new school district...new schools...new people to meet. It's a bit nerve racking. Nothing job wise has really been made available for me to apply for in this district. It's just not a great year for teaching jobs. Therefore I will resort to the 6 AM phone call, and pray that it is for an elementary school. "Oh Lord, PLEASE let it be an elementary school." Seeing as God seems to enjoy having me face my fears, I have visions of me being in middle and high schools. Oh have mercy on us all! Just please let it ben an English class. I could live with that...maybe.

Sometimes it's hard to understand God's timing, but I guess that's how we grow. I mean, I usually think I have everything figured out, and then He goes and stretches my faith even more. I mean, I might have a baby come February, and as it stands, I have no full time work which means no maternity leave. I am on a leave of absence from District 14, mainly as a "safe guard" for myself and Ben for various reasons, but if I can't return there come next year, my "B" contract will be officially gone. I was told that it might help me in this district, but I'm still waiting to see the dividends of that.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Well, I will hopefully be updating this more often with my teaching adventures. Despite the uncertainty, I am excited to return to the classroom - where I belong. I'm even willing to volunteer in the meantime while I wait for some phone calls to help get my foot in the door, but even more so to be around the children.

Well, amidst all of this uncertainty, at least I know that one thing is for certain. God. He has proven Himself to me time and again, and so, though my knees are shaking, I must choose to look at Him and not at the waves around me. *sigh*

Quick Update

So I've finally taken the time to post an update on the adoption blog (www.canneyland.wordpress.com). I apologize that it's a long one, but I've been holding in some information for a little bit now as I've had to wait for some things to progress. I will post something in my own notes/blog soon with regards to reentering the world of substitute teaching. I am looking forward to it...not the six o'clock phone calls or the butterflies I get in my stomach when teaching a class for the first time or trying to locate a new school...I'm looking forward to the children. Once again, I am going to have to trust in what I can't see. I am going to have to trust that the Lord will provide the work. In all honesty, I could use a week off from any form of work. I could use some time for myself. I'd love to relax, read, and work around the house on things that I just haven't had time for - especially before a baby may arrive come February (see adoption post). It's like you wait and pray for things to happen, and then when the floodgates open it's like you say, "Whoa! Slow down. This is happening so fast." Go figure.

It certainly has been a busy summer. When I'm not at work, I'm making the most of my weekends. The thing I hate the most about working during this particular summer of all summers is that my nieces and nephew are living next door with mom and dad right now and I haven't been around to play with them. I've missed out on so many play dates it's not funny. I could be around to help my family out, and I'm not because I have to go to work. My sister Maridel and her husband Ryan are going to be moving to Nackawic come the end of August, and at least they'll be close enough for me to go visit. Oh how I'm going to miss the little faces of their children waving and calling to me from the house next door! Sheridan has said various times this summer, "I wish you were a teacher."

"I wish I were one too," I reply. "And I'm going to be come this September. Next summer will be different."

Indeed, next summer could be very different.

Adoption Blog Post

As much as I loved the many suggestions that were given and had plans of going with a much more sentimental title, time and experiences wore me down to Ben's beloved Canney Land. I figured that this would be fitting for after the children came along as well, as it seems our life has been quite the adventure. The web page still has some design and kinks to figure out (i.e. I'd like to find have some fun pics of us, more questions need to be answered, etc. etc. I'm hoping to finish up some aspects of it tomorrow night and refine it some more). Anyways, there is an updated post here:

http://canneyland.wordpress.com/

Humbled

I just couldn't sleep. I'm still trying to process things.

Last night I went to what I thought was a girl's night out for laughter and playing games. When Mom and I arrived, there were more vehicles than I expected, and when I walked into the house, there were some balloons on the wall. The evening was at Joy Guptill's house, and so I thought that the balloons were either for her (since she and Rod may be moving soon) or that they were left from a luncheon Joy and Colleen MacNeil held Friday that I was unable to attend. After the room full of ladies chatted and shared some laughter, we decided to have our snack for the evening. As I sat down to eat my food, Colleen looked at me and said, "So Sarah do you know why we're really here?"

"Um...no...I thought it was a games night."

Then Colleen proceeded to tell me that the Sunday she spoke with me on the phone after our adoption seminar, she got off the phone and was thinking about how I had said I needed to come up with at least $1200 for a home study. I had told her that I had no idea where this money was going to come from, but that we were just stepping out in faith. It was then that the Lord spoke to her and said, "I'm going to provide that money. Here's what you need to do." He then started to give her names of people to phone to ask to donate $100. Colleen went on to say this was their way of saying that they love Ben and me and they want to support us in this endeavor.

She then handed me an envelope with a card and money inside of it. Of course I immediately started crying and felt so humbled. These people could not receive tax receipts for their generosity, and many of them really could've held on to that $100 because they have their own needs. I know some of these families well, and I know that $100 is a huge sacrifice. What do you say to that? Thanks seems so small and insignificant.

After I shared about how we were led to our current circumstances, I asked Colleen, "How in the world did you phone these people and ask for $100?" I thought about how selfish I can be, and how if the Lord had prompted me to do such a thing for someone if I would be willing to do it. I believe it takes a special person to be so bold at the Lord's prompting for something such as this.

She told me about how her heart was pounding when she phoned the first person, but that they immediately said "yes." In the midst of her phoning, her daughter Laura - whom I might add is graduating this year from high school - even went to the bank and got out $100 to give us.

12 people/families - $1200. As I pondered the event afterwards, I noted that the 12 people/families had been touched by infertility at some point or time. Apart from the Laura and her family and maybe one other family, the others had either adopted, had miscarriages, had been barren for a time, or had children who were struggling with infertility. One family I didn't even know that well, and yet they were willing to give.

As I write this I wondered if I should write their names, but then I thought that perhaps they would want to remain anonymous. I am just so thankful that they were willing to give and be sensitive to what the Lord prompted Colleen to do. So I'm writing to give the Lord praise. It was last week when I started to set up an excel file to keep track of adoption expenses that I created a file that also said, "God's Provision." I remember hearing the Lord say, "You just wait and see how I'm going to provide" and thinking that in time I would be baffled at how the provision would match or even outmatch the expenses. In my own mind I think I have it figured out with praying for a good teaching job, but then I know that often the Lord works around my plans to prove how powerful and awesome He is - so that it's not what I have done but what HE has done. It's His way of increasing my faith and getting the glory. Even if a teaching job were provided - it would be a miracle if you knew what's going on with education in the province right now and how hard it is to work your way into a new school district. Last week $750 had come in - once again from families/individuals who really could've used the money elsewhere. I'm often amazed at how the people who seem to have so little give so much.

Mike Tapper, who with his wife Kristi have adopted from Ukraine and are now adopting from Ethiopia had said to us, "If money is what's holding you back, you just need to step forward and do it. You'll be amazed at how the Lord will provide." I knew He was right, but I also thought that kind of stuff would happen for other people, not us. Yet at the same time, I was believing God would provide. I just can't believe that He would have us go into debt for our children - that we would be strapped financially to grow our family. He's bigger than this. He can heal me if He so chooses, but He can also make a way for us to go to Africa.

I've had money provided for missions trips, and in those times I was humbled and ever so grateful. I was also thankful that tax receipts could be given. This is a whole different experience for me. People are donating to help us have a baby. How do you say "thank-you?" This is the kind of thing that I figured I would read about, but I didn't think it would be me. My head is just spinning as I think about how God has provided already, and I think to myself, "Am I going to be able to handle what's coming?"

I'm just so humbled. I can't stress it enough. I am SO HUMBLED. I just want to kneel my head and give praise to JEHOVAH-JIREH - MY PROVIDER. He deserves ALL glory and praise.

Dreaming...

So I've been dreaming a lot lately about some things that I had stopped dreaming about - particularly things that relate to children. When you're in my position, you have a tendency to put up certain "safe guards" as a means of protecting yourself from hurt. You learn to let go. A few key moments in my infertility journey of letting go: packing away maternity clothes and putting away things purchased for the baby's room. I knew that I would still be a mom someday, but I couldn't see how or when it would happen, and so, instead of painfully looking at those things, I felt it was best to hide them away so that I could move on with what my life currently was.

With the adoption process progressing slowly but surely, I've actually started dreaming about my baby's room again...Only this time, it's different from what I was dreaming about the first time around. Instead of traditional light blue and yellow quilts, I'm thinking about giraffes, elephants, and zebras. That's a clue as to where we feel the Lord is leading us to adopt from. More details will be posted soon, but let's just say I did a lot of researching agencies, countries, etc. etc. and Ethiopia ended up being the country of choice for us. I've found Ethiopian children's books, music, an Ethiopian alphabet...things to help promote a sense of culture for our baby - I'm having a blast learning about Ethiopia. You know we even sponsor a child in Ethiopia and I'm dreaming about visiting him. When we chose him a few years back I distinctly remember saying to Ben, "Oh he's so cute! It's too bad we'll never get to meet him. It's not like we'll be going to Africa someday."

The other day I was scolding myself for opening up this part of my heart again...for having "fun" thinking about the possibilities. I thought to myself, "Sarah, why are you doing this to yourself? You're only setting yourself up for disappointment again..." Then, during a time of prayer, it was as if the Lord said to me, "Sarah, do you think I would intentionally hurt you?" It's like He was trying to tell me that it was okay to have fun with my "paper pregnancy." Yet I'm still working through my trust issues with the Lord and hoping that I'm not doing all of this stuff because it fits "my will." Time and time again he proves himself. Last week when I asked him, "Is this really where you want us to go? Is this really what you want us to do?" he provided $750 from unexpected sources - people whom he'd spoken to about us. There have been other things, and yet, I still question and doubt. My faith is so weak! It's a constant battle in the mind for me. So I'm trying to dream a little and let go of my fears of something happening to take away my joy.

Trust issues indeed...with a change in career ahead and no job on the horizon as of yet, an upcoming home study in which finances will be looked at, and other things that have been nabbing at my attention over the past few months, I've been stretched in many ways. Yes, you heard correctly - a change in career. I'm going back into teaching. It is a passion that the Lord has given me. I know I was suppose to contribute to the college for this past year, but now it's time to get back into the classroom. If I have to substitute teach I will, but I can't help but hope that the Lord has a full time position for me. After many tears, much prayer, and seeking wise counsel, I knew I had to return to teaching, and I had an immediate peace once the decision was made.

It has been a hard year for me. I've had to work through a great many things, but as cliche as it sounds, the Lord has proved Himself faithful. Some days I am afraid of all the unknowns, and I play the "If _____ then_____" game, but then I have to remind myself that no matter what, the Lord will be there for me. Although it has been painful and there is more waiting ahead, I am grateful, and I will try to continue dreaming in hopes that I can let go of my fears in preparation for a little one that God has for us.

New Post Coming Soon...

I haven't blogged much this year. In some ways it's been a year of "silence" for me as I've sorted through some things. The dawn is breaking though, and I feel as though I will write again. I don't know if I have many readers left out there or not, but if you're still checking up on me, a post is coming soon.

Name Suggestions Welcome

Ben and I are looking for name suggestions for our web page. I've been given some great ideas already for our adoption web page that I really like, but I'm putting out one more invitation since Ben has posted it on his notes page on facebook. I suspect that my readers will be a little more creative. Ha! Ha! I could be wrong, but from what I've seen for my suggestions posted or e-mailed to me, and ones suggested on his....let's just say the ladies are being more creative - but I open guy suggestions on my page too.

We'll either decide on the ones we like, or post the 4 best ones for a vote - we haven't decided yet.

Thanks to those of you who have given some suggestions already!

Looking Forward to a NEW year...

Imagine finding out you (or your spouse) were pregnant and then being told that you needed to fill out some paperwork to ensure you were capable of looking after your child. In the paperwork you would have to give a detailed description of your immediate family - their education, their jobs, etc. along with that information for your spouse. You also had to give a detailed account of your education and work related background. Then you had to list why you wanted to have this baby and how long you had been trying to conceive the child. After sending in your paperwork, you were told you needed more things: letters of reference, medical reports for you and your spouse, original birth certificates, original marriage certificate, criminal record check, finger prints..etc. After the paper work was in order, you were told that a social worker would meet with you, and you would be assisted with the pregnancy process. Home visits would be scheduled. Interviews would be set up. How would you feel?

Well, I'm not pregnant, and quite frankly I would never wish that sort of experience on any expecting couple. That would be crazy! Yet every day, there are people who have children who are unable to properly care for them, and every day, there are couples like us, filling out paperwork trying to earn the right to parenthood. Please don't misunderstand me, I am in full support of the paperwork. I don't want them handing out children to creeps! I also understand the right people have when it comes to having children of their own and being given a chance to raise them. As a human being though, I have my moments of frustration. Three a half years of barrenness. My dreams of having children the same age as my siblings' children are slowing being widdled away. I have every right to be bitter, and I very well could be if I sat and thought about it long enough, but instead of choosing the path of bitterness I've chosen the path of acceptance. The Lord has entrusted me with this for a reason. I would not be who I am if I had been given children when I wanted them, and I have come to the conclusion that should He bless me with the ability to get pregnant, I am still supposed to adopt. This paperwork will not be in vain. Somewhere right now there is someone who is going to carry a child for me. She will be brave. She will be strong. She will be self-sacrificing.

I have finally accepted this path. Not that I hadn't before, but I'm ready. I'm ready for the world of paperwork and meetings. I'm ready for the task of trying to figure out how to financially bring this child or these children into our home. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to become a mom. After the move I put a push on to get paperwork done, and then it seemed there was a roadblock in my way, so I threw my hands up in surrender. I talked about adoption, but I had given up hope. I was frustrated and just plain tired. This was accompanied by my unsettledness about my change of career. I was emotional. I was irritable. I wasn't myself.

Then it was as if in the midst of my hopelessness the Lord broke through, and He found me. He sent different people into my life and others who had been there all along to check in with me or give me a word of encouragement. I think I started to get out of my rut when a good friend of mine recently said, "Sarah, the Lord has laid you heavily on my heart." She went on to list the two very things I had been weighed down about - one of which has to do with children. The other I can't mention at this time. I will tell you eventually, but it's not quite ready for the blogging world as of yet. Let's just say I'm excited about it, and as soon as I made the decision, I had an immediate peace. The whole children thing started to work itself out in a matter of a month. I went to see the specialist with Ben, and he was able to finish Ben's doctor referral. He also gave me the number of the place I had been referred to in Halifax. I now have an appointment in February. I must admit, I'm a bit skeptical as I think they're just going to talk to me about reproductive therapies and such, but I'm hoping the specialist can talk to me about my endometriosis more. I've also started seeing a naturopath, and we're trying to figure out what foods trigger reactions in my body. Thursday was red meat day. Sunday is cow's dairy day (Yippee!). A young couple around our age also stopped by to see us, and they had done a lot of research on adoption. Their circumstances are similar to ours. I was so encouraged after their visit, it was like I was driven to just plow through with this thing! Then we sent in Ben's paperwork and the remainder of our paperwork to Social Services. It was neat how it worked out. The worker was e-mailing us about our file the exact day she received our paperwork. She informed us of what else we needed and we got right to work - ordering birth certificates and marriage certificates (they require originals) through vital statistics. On Monday we have to get our finger printing done. I'm currently debating whether or not I should just start a separate blog about the adoption process we're going through. My life has pretty much always been an open book, and for me it has been a way to heal and continue on.

So I'm back. I have a lot to do around the house, and a lot to do in other areas, but I've determined to take it one day at a time. I have a lot of praying and reading to do within the next few months about endometriosis, fertility, and adoption (countries to adopt from and other adoption related things). I have a few countries in mind, but I really want to make sure that Ben and I go with one that we have a peace about. I'm excited about this new year. I was ready for one. Here's hoping 2009 holds a great many things for this Canney couple.