Baffled

Nearly 2 months ago I wrote about how my faith was being tested. For weeks I have struggled with not worrying and trying to put my hope and trust in the Lord and in His will for Ben and myself. Ben and I were pursuing all options. A variety of District Superintendant’s were contacted, we met with our DS, we talked to pastors…doors continually closed, and I kept saying that I felt like we were looking in all of the wrong places. We even made contact with Global Partners, but we still couldn’t put our finger on why it just didn’t “feel right” at this point and time. In the midst of my worries, Ben would continue to say, “I know we’re doing the right thing,” and would pray with me when I fretted with tears. I lost sleep. Daily I had to try and hand my uncertainties over to the Lord.

Then it happened. My brother-in-law, Ryan, who is also Ben’s current boss, had mentioned he was talking with Kathy Shanks from Bethany Bible College a few days prior. She was asking about Ben and his plans. She mentioned that they were revamping the Admissions set-up at the college, and she was wondering if he might be interested. At first Ben thought, “No,” but then he decided that if this was something that might be presenting itself he should prayerfully consider it. This wasn’t to say that it was a complete open door. He decided to phone her. After he got off of the phone, we both thought, “Hmmm…” That entire day the Lord had brought Ben to her mind. Hmmmm….The job for Admissions counselor had been advertised for a year. Hmmmm… People had applied but they couldn’t seem to find the right person for the job. They were hoping for a Bethany grad if at all possible, and they wanted someone with youth ministry experience. Hmmmm…. Apparently, a few people had mentioned Ben’s name to her before he had resigned, but they didn’t believe in just “plucking” someone who was established in a church. Hmmmm… could this be it?

“But why would they want us? We’re just average people.”

Ben decided to talk with Lynn Erskine and Scott Rhyno for some input on the position and the opportunity. Both were candid about their experiences and were helpful in allowing Ben to contemplate the position. Yet Ben hadn’t been offered the position just yet. The Lord wanted us to wait yet again. Someone had been interviewed for the position, and the college was strongly considering that person. Although that person wasn’t a BBC grad, they had a lot to offer the college.

So we waited…and waited…and when we didn’t hear anything about an interview for Ben we figured the door was closed. Ben decided to contact Kathy and discovered that the door still might be open. As it worked out (yet again according to the Lord’s providence I believe) I had a women’s ministry executive meeting at BBC on a Saturday. When Kathy knew I was coming, she asked if Ben could come for an interview. During my women’s executive meeting in which Kathy was at as well, I took the minutes for the meeting on my laptop. Let’s just say that my grade 10 typing class has served me well. Discussion came up about my experience with technology too. (You will see how this fits in a moment.) A few days later Ben was offered the position, and he accepted. Not only were they so kind as to extend the job to him, but they offered me a position as a secretary in the Admission’s Office.

In other words, I would be his secretary!

In the midst of my excitement for his job I was now faced with another dilemma: Do I pursue a teaching job or do I accept this position at the college? I weighed the pros and cons of the situation. I felt confident that I could find a teaching job in Sussex with my résumé, but there were other things I needed to consider. I do love the teaching profession, but I also love the college and the students who attend it. When the thought had occurred to me that Ben might possibly end up at BBC I told the Lord that I would be open to investing in the lives of the young women there. I figured I could do this here and there when I could, but I never dreamed that I could gain an “in” with some of the students by working there. Teaching is a profession that follows me home. I eat, breathe, and sleep it. Some days I work from 8:00-5:00, come home and eat, and then work for another 2-3 hours. On the weekends my mind is also consumed with things that need to be done for school. I thought about my husband traveling 1/3 of the time, and I imagined him coming home from a trip and me with my nose stuck in the books, planning lessons and marking papers. Secretarial work involves less vacation time and less pay, but it is a job that when I leave the office, I leave it there.

I want to go home and take time to cook a decent meal. I want to be able to go for walks with my husband in the evenings without thinking about what it is I have to plan for the next day. I want to enjoy being a part of his life and his job. I will definitely give him his space in the office and allow him to excel in what he does, but I relish in the fact that we’ll have the same hours and that we’ll both get to share in the lives of the students. We’ll both be giving back to a school that we love so very much. Some things are more important than money, and what’s a vacation if you don’t make time for your spouse throughout the entire year? We have good health and my parents have good health. Less stress is key for me right now, and although every job has its stresses, I’m excited about this new opportunity and challenge, as well as about the skills that I will gain in this new role. For the record, I LOVE teaching, and this decision was a tough one, but I know it's what I am to do. I can't fully explain it. I just know.

As I reflect on my life, I can see how the Lord has been preparing me for this role. It’s amazing to see how the pieces are fitting together. A part of me worries about disappointing people who think that I should remain teaching at this time, but then I have to remind myself that I’m not living my life for those people. I’m living my life for the Lord. Not everyone understood why I chose to go to BBC 10 years ago instead of to STU or UNB. Not everyone will understand 10 years later why I am choosing to go to BBC to work instead of the public school system. All I know is I have a peace about my choice. I just know it's what I am to do. God has given me a great marriage, and I want to preserve that. He has given me a heart for the college just as he has given me a heart for working with children. He has also already been giving me some tangible ways of how I can minister not only to the students on campus but to the local schools. I’ve let my job consume me so much over the past few years that I haven’t always made time for people. It’s time for that to change. Does this mean I will never return to the classroom? Not necessarily. It just means that I’m exploring a new opportunity that has presented itself. I believe that every experience I have is God’s way of shaping and molding me into the woman He wants me to be.

I never dreamed that Ben would get to work for Bethany, let alone myself! This was something we weren’t even looking for, and I think that’s what makes it so awesome. This is better than anything I could have imagined at this point in our lives. I am humbled and grateful. I am in awe of the Lord’s goodness. I am completely…baffled.

Should you think of us could you please pray that we will be able to find an affordable home? The market there is “hot” and a potential house we had hoped to look at has sold already. I just had to tell myself that it wasn’t the house God has picked out for us. We don’t want to live beyond our means, but we do want a house that we feel at home in.