Bye Bye Third Grade! Hello Kindgergarten!

Okay, so today was my first day in kindergarten. I must admit after teaching two digit addition with regrouping, plants, and how to write stories, it was a little different to be playing color shape Bingo, word bingo, and helping students spell the word "it" among other things. I've had experience in kindergaren before though, so give my mind (and body) a few days to make the transition and we'll be good to go.

This past Friday was my last day with third grade. They gave me a huge card with hand-written notes in it just for me. Being the sap that I am, I told them I would'nt be able to read it in class for fear I'd start crying. The little guy that managed to crack me up on a daily basis gave me a present: a "teacher nut." It's this cute little figurine - a walnut with peanut feet and features that make it look like a teacher. How fitting. I got a nut, from a nut. I told him I'd set it in my kitchen. "Everytime I look at it, I'll think of you." I will too. I'm going to miss those kids...and yet, I know I'll get just as attached to the children in kindergarten.

Last week I had a third grader cry over not being able to find her sneakers. Today I had a kindergarten child cry over not being able to find her sneakers. What will tomorrow hold?? Children filled with Halloween candy that's what.

My Stupid Hair Dilemma

I have this constant issue with my hair. I can't just keep it one way - you know - short or long.

If you were to look at pictures of me all through grade school and college, my hair styles were constantly changing. In fact, when someone watched the PowerPoint for our wedding they joked, "Look, it's Ben with a different woman every time!"

I get my hair cut, and then I wish it were long, so I grow it out. Then I wish it were short, so I get it cut. Then I regret getting it cut after working so hard to grow it out. And so, my stupid hair dilemma continues.

My husband says I look beautiful both ways, but he prefers my hair short. The funny thing is, he "fell" for me when it was long, and then when I first got it cut in high school (and it wasn't half as short as it is now), he didn't know what to think!

My best friend Amanda likes my hair long.

Someone in my church apparently likes my hair tucked behind my ears because otherwise, my face looks "long and drawn out" - (yeah, that's a nice classic comment I want to remember).

I've tried to evaluate the pros and cons of having short hair and long hair. Perhaps I'm just being stupid. In fact, this post contains nothing profound. It's a vain post, a stupid post, about my hair dilemma. Why can't I just decide what I prefer and leave it that way?

It's funny really, how hair can change a person's appearance and how people all have their own preferences when it comes to hair.

It could be worse. I could be bald.

And so, my stupid hair dilemma continues.

Return of the Hubby

Ben returned home yesterday, and I was so thankful that God brought him safely back to me.

We decided to go to the gas station to get some munchies and then curl up on the couch so he could fill me in on his incredible trip with Mark, Brandon, and Tim. Sure enough, we walk out of the apartment, down the steps, and to the car only to discover...we BOTH left our keys IN the apartment. Now this would normally not be a problem as we have a spare key (which I might add we invested in after Ben had locked himself out of the apartment on numerous other occassions - LOL), but Ben had used the spare key to get in as I had been out while he returned home, and he didn't put it back in its "safe place." What to do? What to do? My heart sank as I pictured us spending our evening trying to get back in the apartment. Then a wonderful idea came to me - the window in the living room has a cable going through it, so Ben could easily open it if he had a ladder to climb up to it. (For the record, Ben loves heights, and I'm learning to love them for his sake.) So that's what he did! Phew! The evening was now back on schedule.

Later, as I sat on the couch listenig to Ben share about his experience, a part of me envied everything that I felt I missed out on, but then the thought occurred to me. He needed to be there without me. He needed to be with his brothers in Christ in order for the Lord to teach him what he needed to be taught at this particular point in his life. Apart from each other, God was able to have our full attention and show us what we needed to be shown. Although my experience at home with God seemed to me to be small in comparison to what Ben experienced, it was what I needed. Both Ben and I have made changes in our lives since we've been apart. Now together, those changes will enrich our marriage and enrich our ministry.

Ben returned home yesterday, and God and I smiled.

Home Alone

I've been home alone for the past five days. I'm not really a big fan of being home alone.

It started on Wednesday. Normally, I'd be at school, but I ended up sick with the flu, so I was home when my husband headed for Ontario with his buddies Mark and Tim to meet up with Brandon. Ben phoned me that night to let me know he had made it safely thus far and mentioned some sort of tree adventure in Quebec. Because I was sick, I was extra sad when I got off of the phone. After only eating toast all day (bleach) because I lacked an appetite, I went to bed and prayed that the Lord would be my comfort. I woke up twice in the night and was sick to my stomach, but I can honestly say I could feel the Lord's presence as I woke up both times. He was my comfort.

Thursday I was bound and determined to go to school. I still lacked an appetite, but I felt more like myself. I ended up assisting with marking math assessments so I had a break from the classroom. The children missed me and I missed them. I was invited out for supper, but I couldn't eat very much. After I went home to an empty apartment and I cleaned with vigour in hopes of pleasing my husband when he returns on Tuesday. That night I asked the Lord to protect me and be with me once again. This time I slept through the night - rested and refreshed. He was my protection.

Friday I had a great day at school. Once again I came home to an empty apartment. I was invited out for supper, and I had a great time of fellowship. Then I went home and baked goodies for my husband (he likes his goodies frozen), so when he returned he'd have a treat (other then seeing his wife of course). Ben phoned me and filled me in on the amazing conference he's enjoying with his friends. He went to a marriage and ministry seminar and said we'd discuss some things when he returned. That night I went to bed with a heart aching for my husband, but I asked the Lord to hold me and to be with me through the night. I woke up feeling rested. He was my strength.

Saturday I did school work all day. In the evening I went to a Harvest Supper at the church which turned out to be a Pastor Appreciation thing as well. I sat at a special table with my sister and her husband (who is the Senior pastor at our church) and their two little girls while people said nice things about us. It was touching, but it was so hard without Ben there. He really could've used some of those nice words of encouragement. I went home to an empty house, and opted to go to Fort Fairfield to get some gas and visit my friends Wes and Melinda who are also in ministry. Then I returned to Perth in the pouring rain. That night I asked God to keep watch over me. I woke up at 5:00 AM to the sound of thunder and lightening, and so it wasn't long before I just lay there and had a talk with God. He was my company.

Today I went to church. Someone else was leading the singing. I got to have a break. I was feeling good until someone asked me if I've been sick because it looked as though I've lost weight. I told them I was sick this week, but I hadn't lost weight. I felt upset, disappointed. It was only a few weeks ago that someone at school told me I looked really good and that I must take good care of myself by eating right. Then I walk into God's house and something is said that makes me think, "Do I look sickly?" (Just so you know, I've been commented to about my weight - or apparantly "lack there of" before). I talked to my sister and then later my Dad about this, and they encouraged me. Now I sit here, lonely. I'll have a long talk with God about this when I'm ready. Most likely that'll be tonight after church. I'll ask him to take away what I'm feeling, and to fill my heart with understanding. He'll smile, as He always does, and say to me, "Sarah, you're beautiful the way you are. I made you just the right size for just the right reasons. Don't let Satan take those comments of concern that people offer and twist them to make you feel downhearted. You are a child of the King. Hold your head high." And so, he'll be my source of encouragement and peace.

I've been home alone for the past five days...or have I?

God and I have been home together for the past five days. It has been good for our relationship. It has reminded me that He is my first love. I'm still lonesome for my husband, but I'm so thankful that I have God to keep me company.

Stories from the 3rd grade

Today was pajama day at school. I thought for sure that the students would be super-excited and hyper active - ready to give me a run for the money (that, I might add, I'm not making but currently PAYING for this opportunity). I turned out to be very surprised. I think the pajamas actually put them (at least for the better part of the day) in a "mellow" state because they were so comfortable. One little guy had snakes and frogs all over his jammies. Too cute.

There's another little guy in the class who is so funny and adorable, I could practically take him home with me (although after awhile he'd probably tire me out). He smiles a lot, and he's so full of energy. I know you're not supposed to have favorites, and there's something about each one of my students that I love and appreciate, but I just have to let you in on some of the things this little guy has done:

1. While learning about the Continents in Social Studies, he asked "How do people in Antarctica keep from falling off of the world if they're at the bottom of it?"

2. He snuck a grasshoper into school after recess and put it in a zip-lock bag with his grapes in his desk. At this time I was still observing, and I had no idea that he had it. A little girl came back to tell me, and sure enough, I stood up to see him peek in his desk, make the grasshopper hop, and then sit back up to listen to my cooperating teacher. Needless to say, he had to set the hopper free, and we had a good laugh about it.

3. We're learning about seeds in Science, and he told me that he planted some apple seeds at home in hopes that an apple tree will grow. He said to me, "Mom said it is my responsibility to look after it and water it."

4. One day, during indoor recess, he was making armpit noises. I said to him, "You're not allowed to do that in here." He told me that he could do it outside at recess time, but I quickly said, "That's outside. In my classroom there are to be no armpit noises." (Inside I was laughing because it really was kind of amusing to see. LOL). The next day while I was checking homework he said to me, "Mrs. Canney, my mom told me that I can't make armpit noises at home either." I said, "I'm right there with her." "What does that mean?" he replied. To which I responded, "It means that I agree with her."

5. He is an intelligent kid, but he has a tendency to rush while doing his work. For reading logs, we give the kids letter grades. He said to me, "My dad said that if I ever get a "C" again on a reading log, he's going to tell you to keep me in all recess."

6. He usually has to write out the talking rules for me or my cooperating teacher at recess everyday because he's such a social bug - he has a hard time keeping his mouth closed in class.

7. I think in some ways, he reminds me of Ben - as strange as that may sound.

Oh, and I have to tell you about a tall tale that another little boy told us in class one day. While talking about cows, he told the class that he rescued 160 dairy cows from a cornfield maze with his dog. Priceless.

The Water Spiller Strikes Again

Okay, so I really thought that I had made it through a whole 7 days without spilling water. I was so excited. I could taste the victory...and then...it happened. Ben and I had our friend Lauralynn over to help us eat roasted chicken and other "yummy in my tummy" foods (including a poor squash that turned out to be the wetest squach I've ever had in my life). I stood up to clear the table and as I picked up my glass, it "jumped" out of my hand. I don't know how it happened! It's like the water and glass had a committe meeting and decided amongst themselves that I was not going to have a successful week without spilling water. And so it happened - the glass slipped and the water ran all over the table screaming, "I'm free! I'm free! I'm free from the confines of the glass! I will not go into Sarah's belly! I've just made her look like a clutz!"

Needless to say, there was much laughter.

A Jumble of Thoughts

These past four weeks have been great in the classroom, but I've found that in all areas of my life I have struggled to find balance and consistency. Somewhere along the way I managed to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, and it's taking its toll on me. I'm tired. I go to work. I come home and lack the desire whatsoever to prepare supper or help straighten up the home. I struggle to keep my eyes awake while I work on my correspondence courses. Then I go to bed to wake up and do it all over again. What's missing? Lack of reliance upon God - that's what. I'm trying to do everything in my own power. About a month ago, the Lord enabled me to reevalualte everything that I've been doing and to simplify my life. I'm still working on that one. The pressures of trying to do it all as a Pastor's wife have been a struggle, but I am slowly making peace with that one. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that I can't please everyone. I can't live my life for other people. I can't do everything.

I've also come to another conclusion. I really look forward to being a homemaker. Don't get me wrong - I love to teach, and I believe I have a gift for it, but should the Lord ever bless me with children, I really look forward to staying at home with them when they are little. I look forward to doing the mom thing. I look forward to baking cookies, having family meals, playing lego, and going to soccer games. I look forward to singing lullibies, cleaning house, and making my home a haven. Some women can manage to balance work and home, but I find that at the end of a teaching day, I'm so tired - I can't imagine spending more time at home with kids! Chances are once my children are all in school, I'll either teach or substitute teach, but when they're little, I'd like to be at home with them. My mom gave up her teaching career for me, and she's one of my best friends. Some people might say - "What a waste. She graduated at the top of her class in high school and college. She was a recipient of the Governor General's medal. She won speech, singing, and drama competitions. She could really go places." Really though, does anyone remember those accomplishments? Sure my family does, but those accomplishments are here and then they are gone. I'm proud of those accomplishments, but I don't wear a badge that tells everyone what I've done or where I've been in life. When I achieved those accomplishments I had a feeling of great joy and success. Lately I've really been thinking about this. Rather than be defined by wordly ambitions and accomplishments, I'd like to be defined as a woman after God's own heart. A woman who lived with strong convictions. A woman who passionately served the Lord, her husband, her family, and her family in Christ. Now those are things that will last. Those are things that are eternal. I can't take my GPA or my medals to Heaven, but I can take my family with me. There is a part of me that wonders if I don't work when I have children, that I will miss an opportunity and that I will have a harder time getting back into the system to teach once they are in school, but then there is a part of me that says, "Follow your heart. Trust the Lord, and He will look after you." I guess if I knew all of the answers I wouldn't really be living by faith.