Home Alone

I've been home alone for the past five days. I'm not really a big fan of being home alone.

It started on Wednesday. Normally, I'd be at school, but I ended up sick with the flu, so I was home when my husband headed for Ontario with his buddies Mark and Tim to meet up with Brandon. Ben phoned me that night to let me know he had made it safely thus far and mentioned some sort of tree adventure in Quebec. Because I was sick, I was extra sad when I got off of the phone. After only eating toast all day (bleach) because I lacked an appetite, I went to bed and prayed that the Lord would be my comfort. I woke up twice in the night and was sick to my stomach, but I can honestly say I could feel the Lord's presence as I woke up both times. He was my comfort.

Thursday I was bound and determined to go to school. I still lacked an appetite, but I felt more like myself. I ended up assisting with marking math assessments so I had a break from the classroom. The children missed me and I missed them. I was invited out for supper, but I couldn't eat very much. After I went home to an empty apartment and I cleaned with vigour in hopes of pleasing my husband when he returns on Tuesday. That night I asked the Lord to protect me and be with me once again. This time I slept through the night - rested and refreshed. He was my protection.

Friday I had a great day at school. Once again I came home to an empty apartment. I was invited out for supper, and I had a great time of fellowship. Then I went home and baked goodies for my husband (he likes his goodies frozen), so when he returned he'd have a treat (other then seeing his wife of course). Ben phoned me and filled me in on the amazing conference he's enjoying with his friends. He went to a marriage and ministry seminar and said we'd discuss some things when he returned. That night I went to bed with a heart aching for my husband, but I asked the Lord to hold me and to be with me through the night. I woke up feeling rested. He was my strength.

Saturday I did school work all day. In the evening I went to a Harvest Supper at the church which turned out to be a Pastor Appreciation thing as well. I sat at a special table with my sister and her husband (who is the Senior pastor at our church) and their two little girls while people said nice things about us. It was touching, but it was so hard without Ben there. He really could've used some of those nice words of encouragement. I went home to an empty house, and opted to go to Fort Fairfield to get some gas and visit my friends Wes and Melinda who are also in ministry. Then I returned to Perth in the pouring rain. That night I asked God to keep watch over me. I woke up at 5:00 AM to the sound of thunder and lightening, and so it wasn't long before I just lay there and had a talk with God. He was my company.

Today I went to church. Someone else was leading the singing. I got to have a break. I was feeling good until someone asked me if I've been sick because it looked as though I've lost weight. I told them I was sick this week, but I hadn't lost weight. I felt upset, disappointed. It was only a few weeks ago that someone at school told me I looked really good and that I must take good care of myself by eating right. Then I walk into God's house and something is said that makes me think, "Do I look sickly?" (Just so you know, I've been commented to about my weight - or apparantly "lack there of" before). I talked to my sister and then later my Dad about this, and they encouraged me. Now I sit here, lonely. I'll have a long talk with God about this when I'm ready. Most likely that'll be tonight after church. I'll ask him to take away what I'm feeling, and to fill my heart with understanding. He'll smile, as He always does, and say to me, "Sarah, you're beautiful the way you are. I made you just the right size for just the right reasons. Don't let Satan take those comments of concern that people offer and twist them to make you feel downhearted. You are a child of the King. Hold your head high." And so, he'll be my source of encouragement and peace.

I've been home alone for the past five days...or have I?

God and I have been home together for the past five days. It has been good for our relationship. It has reminded me that He is my first love. I'm still lonesome for my husband, but I'm so thankful that I have God to keep me company.